Candi RLM2 Outlaw's blog: "Poetry"

Roses are black
Violets are violence
I'll tie you up to the rack
And gag you with my silence.

Why must you torture me so?
Can't you just love me as is?
So sick of the treatment
I'd rather have the disease.


You beat me mentally,
it's really sickining.
Just put me down,
right in the heart,
here, I'll help,
I'll hand you the gun and show you where to aim.


How can you say you love me then leave?
To know the cure is heartbreak,
I don't even want to stand your pain.
Can't I just lay down in agony and sleep?
You are my wicked witch and love is the poison apple.


Why do you treat me like this?
I handed over my soul over to you
and now as my blood turns to ash,
to you I say,
I love you and goodbye.

Knowing that you are so far away
I hug the air around me tight
In my mind dreaming it's you
I opened my heart as I opened my mouth
To kiss your sweet red lips
Sometimes I breathe deep
In hopes of catching your scent
Sometimes I can my love
Sometimes I smell your hair
The same as sometimes I hear your laugh
Though they are but echoes fading
Fading into the darkness of my mind
Still they boom and echo
Deep within a hollow heart
Filling it with love that few have felt
Though many have dreamt
I belong to you love
As you belong to me
But until the next time I hold you
Until the next time I kiss you
Until the next time I'm with you
When I need you, I'll close my eyes
And hold you tight
Tight, Tight Tighter
Until I can feel your heartbeat in my hands

I pound at the walls of my soul
until my fists begin to bleed
I scream as loud as I can in hopes
I'll find some kind of escape. From here
the echoes pound in my head. The noise
begins to fade away with no hope
for love, no chance for life I cry…
I'm a prisoner within my mind

As fear begins to grip my thoughts
and choke the life strait from my eyes
the tears that once blinded me, now force
me to see the truth. The panic that grips
my mind would love to see me die
but it's cruel, unjust and painful scheme
just gives some life to a broken soul.
I'm a prisoner within my mind

The world will keep spinning despite
the hate I feel inside and time
will just keep moving along as if
to mark my sentence here in Hell. I hear
the ticking clock like war drums in my head
but thoughts of silence wish my end.
I'm stuck in the bowels of hell and now
I'm a prisoner within my mind.

The hour is late but I am alone, my bed
is as cold as the nighttime sky, my eyes just hang
as low as the moon so bright just overhead
My heart is as black as the night around me now
and my hopes are distant like the stars so high
I understand the night, the pain she feels
the chill that grips her, the darkness that holds her heart
in place of the sun. She fills the void the way
she knows best, I fill that void the only way
I can. I stare at night my love, my light
Like two locks without a key we wait for light
to shine on us again. But she waits for dawn
while I wait for love's kind hand. As sure as day
shall come, I shall weep again as sweet night will find
her love again.

Open up the wounds
let the heartache flow again
watch me turn to my addictions
and let temptation be my guide
I'll quell the pain with thoughts of lust
drown the tears in temporary joys
as I'm tripping up the stairs of life
falling on every step I climb
It's a blind charge through endless repetition
running into doors I've closed
with a history of lies
I can't do the things I love anymore
I only love one thing now
and it calls to me
at times like these
like a lover lost in the night
it finds me with open arms
and pulls me aside
Am I strong enough to win this fight?
Can I do this all again?
As my strength cracks and breaks
I see how I've lied to myself
about the twisted merry-go-round I'm riding
and how long I can hold on
before I'm hurled aside for good
Because even though there's determination
lurking within my eyes
I can still feel myself fading
disappearing within my mind
There is no exit from this place
There is no victory to be found
Just another day of trials
another day to watch myself grow weak
It's just my fate
and the cross I bear
watching life turn around
spinning with the hands of the clock
opening up everything that was old
memories I tried to forget
become new again
and I'm sliding
as I--m racing to the end
holding on as strong
as my shattered will allows
waiting until I finally slip
and drift into nothingness
losing myself for good
and forever ending
this senseless repetition

If I disappeared tomorrow
Another writer would take my place
If I died suddenly and tragically
Any soul with a voice could carry my message
If I quit and walked away
Someone else would do my job
And If I decided I wasn't strong enough
Almost anyone could protect my friends
But if I vanished today
Would you miss me my love?
Or would someone just fill the void in your heart?
Would someone be able to take my place with you?
My place in your bed?
My place in your life?
My place in your heart?
Because if someone could my love
If someone could make you happy
Then let me step aside now
Let me disappear once and for all
Let someone else take my place
And bear the burdens that I carry now
If someone else can take my place for you
Let me go the way of ancient Gods
And disappear into oblivion
Let me nestle down at a truck stop
Somewhere on the edge of nowhere
There in the corner I'll sit
With my hat covering my face
Hiding, sulking, being replaced.
If I am truly expendable
Then let me go there
Because I grow weary of fighting
I grow tired of pressing on
I'd rather bow out with grace and applause
Then forever live a lie, doing another man's work
But if you'd miss me
Even for one moment on some distant day
Then I won't budge
I won't give
Because some things are worth fighting for
Some things are worth dying for
And if love is not such a thing
Then it's life itself that's a lie
And I am just a piece of a larger puzzle
That spans the entire universe
Making paper look oceans deep
So if you need me as much as you say
Then I'll be here
By your side
Never moving
Always fighting
Waiting until I do become replaceable
With my hat in hand
And my route to nowhere mapped out
On a napkin in the back of my mind

I don’t expect you to understand me
I know how I act
the words that I say
the things that I feel
and the way that I live my life
are all mysteries to you.
You held me
you cherished me
and now you watch me disappear
fading into the mist of a darkened wood
heading down paths you dare not tread
and opening doors you thought locked for good
But that’s where we’re different
you and I
where you saw safety
I saw a prison
Where you saw a closed door
I saw opportunity
Where you saw taboo
I saw nothing but emptiness and lies
So no, I don’t expect you to understand me
No more than I understand you
and your laws
and your petty ideals
But I ask you to let me live
as I let you
Give me the freedom I crave
Spare me your ill tongue
or your spiteful gaze
I offer neither to you
All I seek is the freedom I need
the freedom to open the doors
the freedom to chase my trails
and the freedom to follow the dreams that suit me
That is all I ask of you
and that is all I ask of the world.
Because I can break all of the ties that bind me
save the ones imposed by my fellow man
in a senseless bid for safety
in a world missing all notion of compassion
I can throw my shackles aside
and unlock my own chains
all while rotting in a world devoid
of even the basic concept of understanding..

Poking and probing at what’s left of me
To only set me free
What’s left behind is nothing much
The only thing left is a very proud heart
This proud heart feels like it will shatter
For it once was unbreakable
Every day another piece falls
But no one hears my calls