Well, it's been a while since I actually sat down and just wrote. I've been going through alot of hard things in the last 6 months a smany of you may know. However, I feel it i snow time to express certain feelings that I have had bottled up for some time. I write these blogs fo r my own benefit/therapy as well as with the hopes that they may inspire the reader. We seem to become so trapped in our own little worlds and problems tha twe overlook the fact that many are going through similar ordeals. The path we traverse in this life is traveled by many. We are all here together trying desperately to forge ahead and carve an existance for ourselves.
This being said, I must address the first issue I'd like to discuss. A misunderstanding of sorts. It would seem that many here think tht I am unapproachable. This is so far from the truth. No one is any better than anyone else. I will chat/talk to anyone. If you are on my friend's list then you are more than willing to talk to me anytime. I am NOT all on myself. It is actually the opposite. I am my own biggest critic. Those of you who do correspond with me know very well that I am actually reserved and shy. It bothers me so much when I message someone or even tell them thank you for an add or comment and get no response.
There seems to be alot of egotistical people here. I am NOT one of these! I have had a hard life and been through things that would break the strongest. I am always willing to help anyone and lend a listening ear. I also have an ex from two years ago in my family here. Her name is Cherry (YES that IS her real name). We have remained best of friends. I am certain she would be more than willing to verify anything I have written in any of my blogs.
I know that guys on here are pigs and slime. I hate it because decent men like myself get thrown into this category. I will let any of you know that I am NOT a player and have little tolerance for those who are. I have had one relationship in the last year and it was only dating for about a month. Unfortunately I was only an in-betwen until her ex came back. I was only used to make him jealous. It happens. I hate being single actually and all the games that come with dating. I have tried the whole "friend with benefit " thing and I am sorry...it isn't for me. I want more out of life... not just a fleeting, temporary emotion. I want something more permanent....more lasting. The security and knowledge of knowing that the person you are with believes in you enough to be there by your side.
My son spent the weekend with me and it was great. Unfortunately, I could not help but feel like something was missing. I have a great job, a great place, and a great son. We have many wonderful moments. I guess I just wish there was someone with which to share these moments of an adult calibre. I am on this site and I see many beautiful women come and go. The real ones and the fakes. I often discover I am questioning myself as I am sure many of you do also. Asking the infinite question "what is wrong with me"? This leads to alot of self doubt. It's a downward spiral that I am certain many of us have felt. We are not as unalike as many would believe. Sometimes all it takes is a simple hello to begin the lines of communication. If you never take a chance....how will you know if you are not overlooking your destiny?
To be continued...........
