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Nikki's blog: "Passion"

created on 11/11/2008  |  http://fubar.com/passion/b258738

The old woman

Dying alone unwanted and unforgiven the old woman give her heart away.She knows she will never be touched by love or compassion for her crimes against the heart were so heinous they are unmentionable.Her disease overpowers her sense of desire and compassion for another human being.Her soul has been lost for many years now but her heart has been beating with the strength of an unknown will.Death sits at the end of her bed watching,waiting for his next victim.Death and the  old woman have become companions of a sort; he watches her wither away and she watches his youth be regained. Day after day no vistors come her way except death her only true companion.Till one day there is a knock at her door a young boy stands before it not much older than 5 years of age he brings the old woman a daisy from his mothers garden smiles and turns to walk away the old woman unsure of what to do just says "thank you" and the boy goes on his way.This goes on for a week or two surprised everyday the old woman graciously takes the flower given to her.Death ponders the reason for this unsuspecting girft but says nothing just watches the woman wither away. The day her life is taken for good the boy comes and says "love comes and goes,compassion shies from the blind but a flower always stays in our hearts," with the last breath she could muster the old woman says "you gave me something to live for thank you" and with that she was gone. Love comes and goes and compassion shies from the blind but a flower always stays in our hearts. 

My dear

My love for you my dear is unlife anything I ever thought I could feel.You make me smile with just a look and make me cry with just a word. You once got down on bended knee and said "I give a rose to thee", i have no rose nor am i on bended knee but i can give my heart to thee from today to tomorrow till the end of time my heart shall always be yours. My love for you my dear bearts upon my hearts as does the ocean wave against the rocks.We are like sun and moon so different but yet just as strong. Your heart may feel heavy at time but my love with always be there to lift it up.No longer shall you be alone for my love for you my dear shall always hold you in the dark. Together we shall equal one for together we are whole.Without you my dear my heart is empty and my life meaningless. My love for you my dear will never wither or die for nothing will keep us apart.From today to tomorrow till the end of time my heart shall always be yours.

Wedding Bell Nightmare

Wedding bells in the distance ring loudly for all to hear I run to the chruch to see what the commotion is, to see what occasoin has been brought about this sunnyday.Wreaths,orchids and lillies all lined in a row upon the banisters people dressed in gowns and tuxs while others weeping tears of joy.This all seems so strange seems as if a puzzle pieces is missing I stand in the back hidden so no one can see my rags I am wearing. The bells stop and the music begins a beautiful woman unfamiliar to me appears behind open doors she looks gorgeous with a smile upon her face and a glint of happiness in her eyes she walks down the aisle to her suitor/ I am blinded by a dark shadow upon me the sunnyday suddenly turns gloomy but no one seems to notice. I move forward to get a better look at this magnificent looking angels' suitor As I get closer the day grows darker and I realize this is all wrong I recongize who she is walking towards I am speechless and invisible to all.You stand hands folded together a grin on your face you act as if this is natural as if she is the one who you truly love. My heart skips a beat and  I grow weary and faint unable to stand I try to reach you to stop this madness my hand passes through you, and you feel nothing but i feel everything. I feel the love you have for this woman and see the obsession for her in your eyes.This feels so wrong I am so out of place I see my life flash before my eyes and my heart gives way
 
I am awoken by the thunderstrom and hear the rain hit the window pane outside threatening to come in. Tears pouring down my face while i conceal the scream built up inside me I pull the gun from underneath my pillow and raise it to my head and pull the trigger...Nothing happens the sound of the chamber turning reminds me it was not a nightmare but a horrible memory I live with day after day

Behind Bars

Shackled and cuffed they drag him to his sentencing he is places in front of a panel of judges wearing dark hodded robes to cover their idenities.Fear grips him as he approaches the bench and approaches the screen of his life; he sees flashbacks of when he was happy, of when he was in love. Tears pour down his face afraid of the sentence to be given he awaits the judges decision shaking and terrified he thinks of one thing, the only thing that takes his fears away the beauty of her face, the beauty of her smile and serenity of her voice. When these memories appear in his undesirable mind he feels nothing but pure joy the gavel startles him out of his dream like state. His sentence is passed down and he is to serve life without love,happiness and dreams.The crime was not as heinous as it seems but the heart of the innocent was destroyed by the heart of disease. The man breaks down on the floor weeping uncontrollably to hear he must never love or dream or to ever fulfill his desires again kills him.His heart gives way and he dies on the spot. The lesson learned today is "a man without love or desires is not a man at all but is the centerpiece for the unforgiven"

No longer

Your eyes are like ice cold blades stabbing me over time you look at me with hate and disgust unspeakable thoughts race through your mind unsure of what has become of you, unsure of what has become of me, and unsure of what has become of us. I am no longer your love or your heart your compassion that once was so strong has dwindled down to a tiny thread barely hanging on to the needle. I ce cold drops fall upon you face masking the tears upon your cheeks. No longer are you whole, No longer can you love life has taken its greatest gift from you and you are no longer human but instead a bitter shell of the person you once were No longer do you feel love No longer can you feel compassion As you stand on my grave you weep in the solitary confinement of your mind wishing things were different

Engagement Poem

We walk hand in hand with our hearts between us unfolded and for all to see.We feel the gentle breeze of kisses against our lips,the compassion of Fall beneath our feet.We walk hand in hand unafraid of the world ahead of us,unaware of the dangerous before us,we walk in the shadows of love and the beauty of pain.We are whole,we are lovers,we are spirits of the unknown.We steal strength from one another but hold strong to the love above us.We love strong but hate weak,we are one,we are here for all to see.We no longer hide our desire for one another,no longer hide between the shadows to steal kisses, for we are free,we are free to love,we are free to give our hearts away.The love we have is our power with it we have the world and each other.

 

 Side Note: Worship the time we have with one another because one day they will be gone

Kisses

I signed my life away to you when we kissed and forever do you have my heart.Touch my lips once again with ur love for my heart yearns for your affection I suffer when I am apart from you and suffer when I am with you .This love is too great to be unnoticed it is to powerful to live with alone, it controls me, controls my mind,controls my heart ;controls the pain I live with day in and day out.The undying fire within me burns inside me,boiling my blood with a heated cold sensation it was ignited when I met you,sizzled when I kissed you and slowly started to die when I lost you.We made a secret bond neither one of us were prepared for,a bond so powerful to be apart from you destroys the spirit within,and to be with you satifies the desire i have to be near you my skin crawls when im apart from you,I feel death creeping upon me in the dead of night when im without you,without your touch,or love.Im dying inside without your love.When we kissed I signed my life away to you,I signed my heart away to you forever please touch my lips again with your love save me from this slow death,save me from myself.

To be yours again

 love you.I feel complete when im with you and broken when we're apart.I miss you.I wish you were with me holding my hand.I wish you were here to hold me to keep me safe.I love you.You have my heart,mind and soul you complete me my heart was once lost but was found when i met you.I was lost before i met you.lost in a world of despair and utter darkness but after i met you the light finally shined thru my broken tinted window.You picked up the unholy pieces of my life and sewed this unconventional web of love together.i love you always have always will.Let me be your rock let me be the one to pick up the pieces of your life,let me show you the love you have showed me.Let me be yours again.

 

Love is worth it

Once long ago I could call you mine,once long ago I had your heart and love, once long ago you loved me and showed me the way out of the darkness, Once so very long ago you called me yours till the day came and it all came to end you loved me ,cherished me but yet secretly depised the person i became. No longer could you love me,no longer could you look at me the same.As I was no longer yours I cowered to hide the shame I brought upon our once happy lives.You loved me,you cared for me;you showed to love again.I betrayed you,i broke you,I destroyed your sense of being.No more can I call you mine,no longer do I have your heart,no more do you love me.I now lay in the darkness that I once shied from but no more for now i welcome it with open arms,for it hides me from the world,hides me from the love I once knew,hides me you.Death comes no sooner than does the rain nor a storm, i beg of it to take me now for I suffer greatly with this pain.I loved you,i cared for you but no longer am I yours.No more do i feel i can bare this pain but the love is worth it
.

HeartBeat

While you cry on the floor I hear the pain and agony in your sobs.Im speechless completely at a loss for words my mind has gone blank for all my thoughts and memories just disappear.I cant stand to look at you like this i cant stand to look at what you have become  I turn my back to you so i cant see your bloody tears drip to the cold wood floors.I cant stand to look at the gashing wound in front of me i cant look at you while you die. You cry and beg me to explain myself you ask "Why are you doing this?Why are you doing this to me?" I have no answer,No feeling,No Justification for what has been done.I am ashamed of myself ,I am ashamed of my crimes. I once loved you,I once carried you upon my chest but no more for the burden is too great of a weight to carry with me anymore.I loved you once long ago,I cared for you once long ago but no more for we are not the same people we once were,we are not the same people we set out to be after high school .We are now empty shells of the lovers we once were,we are now soulless and lost with the many other empty hearts that go through life just drifting by.Your sobs have ceased,your breathing is minimal,your heart beats at a slower pace and you die alone and empty.You die without love,without friendship and you die without me.I made you into the soulless creature you became,I made you in the heartless man you once were I gave you love and took it away but no more shall you endure the pain i have forsaken upon you, for now you shallow grave you. No longer  do you exist,no more do you breathe,no more do you love, no more does your heart beat.I murdered you slowly and destroyed your heart and soul. I had you,i loved you and i killed you there shall be no more victims.

 

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