Okay, so way back in December, a good man that just happend to be the father of my children, told me that he would take care of the kids for me for three months so that I can get back on my feet again. I was over joyed with this since I knew that I needed to find another job that was not seasonal at the time. I had just moved in with my parents because I was evicted from my apartment that I had a little under a year. I had to quit school because I could no longer aford it. And so I found myself just hangin on by just hope in that I would find a good job for myself so that I can help take care of the children in ways that some mothers can not.
So in this time of me finding a job, my ex had the kids for about two weeks or less before his fiance at the time, now his wife, decided to help turn the tables on the situation. She noticed things about my kids that told her that I was not doing my part as their mother in helping take care of them. When I know better and so does everyone of my friends and family that are around me when I am with my kids. Yes, I was living with my parents for awhile and they are indeed smokers. And my father had a big problem with being loud and somewhat abusive to my kids....I didn't like it but I had no other place to go at the time. My father scared me on countless of times but at the present time he is getting help for his actions that should have been helpd a loooong time ago. So that was when my ex came to help out. I was thankful for him as well as his bride to be because I knew that I needed some kind of help with the kids and all. And plus I was glad to see that he was going to get to spend some fun fatherly time with his kids.
But I guess I was wrong about all of that. I was chattn with his bride to be and she was telln me about the kids and such and how I did not give them enough clothes and the proper shoes to fit into. Then my ex earlier was trying to state that my samantha had lice in her hair, when of course it was not...hmmmmm, now that would be neglect I do think so. Oh,but that was what started it though. And then that conversation with "her" on the computer really scared the living daylights out of me. She was telln me that it would be better if the kids stayed with them till summer time so that Jacob can play soccer or base ball or any kind of sport, when of course I could have given Jake that same chance here with me. Then there was the allogation that Jake is abusive to her kids and to his newest little sister, Ally. Well, I have'nt seen Jake like that while he was here with me, that is for sure. I do know that jake is a very hiperactive little boy and he likes to keep active all of the time. But since he was put in a household that was very different to him, of course he is going to act very strangely and such, especially when the two supposed adults in the family were always talking about "his mommy" in ways that he did not like. He was four then and was begining to understand some things and first of all...."If this is my daddy, then why isn't my mommy with daddy?"...of course he looked at this other woman as the one who is at fault here. He had to point fingers at someone I guess...but yeah, she was not the one at fault. I can say that she is many of things but she is not the reason why my kids father and I are divorced.
Anyhow, the point is that, that same day that I had been fighting with this supposed fiance of my ex's, I finally got into contact with my ex and told him what she was up to...the funny thing is that he was either one, telling me the truth that he had not heard of what his fiance's allogations were about the seriousness of trying to keep the kids longer than expected or two, he knew all along but did not want to confront me about it as he usually did abgout things. SO when he got off of work and spoke to this woman, he and I had a talk online. And that was when things started to get pissy with me....the father of my children that knew that I was a good mother and whom always backed me up with things, decided to take his fiance's side and believe that all of these allogations were true.
So then it got to the point of yellin over the phone about how unmotherly I was and that if I was to come out to Alabama to get the kids, they would have MPs waitin for me at the door. Their intentions were very clear to me actually. Basically, if I did not have a good standing job by the time they came out in June/July to return me my stuff as well as return the kids back to me, and if I was still living with my parents, they will just give me my stuff, let me hang out with the kids for a bit and then take the kids back with them....yeah, they were trying to play me for a fool and use this power over me. But their true intentions...well, at least my ex's fiance's anyhows....was to get full custody of the kids at some point. And once they keep the kids for six months, they will be able to claim full custody. And that was my fear. I did not believe that I deserved to be treated like I was a bad mother, because I knew I was not. I was doing my best in trying to do what I could to keep control of my life as well as my children. And I do not like it when people come around pointing fingers at me just because i do not live up to their standards. Okay, so my son may have a lack of listening and paying attention to things and he sometimes creates a lot of problems. I do not have that problem here in my home and I have never had that problem with jacob before. So it is just a bunch of crap that my ex and his fiance were trying to pull on me in order to make it look like I was not taking care of my own kids so that the courts will look their way when or if it comes down to a custody hearing.
So after that phone call, I was in tears and could not understand what was going to happen. At first I was thinkin that all was going to be okay but then I got to thinkn that there was more to this side of the story than I even knew what was happening. I decided to consult my lawyer about it and she told me to go to the court house to find the answers because I should not have to go thru with this. So that was what I was set out to do, "find the answers". But like any place, I was given the runaround again till I found the right place. I talked with a gentleman who was head of the area I was suppose to look into....its been soooo long I cant remember his name or what depart....all I know is that I told him about my ex having the kids for three months but all was stated by word of mouth, then after his fiance started to put two and two together on her own account, that was when the allogations of keeping the children were made. And it was up to me to approve this. The guy did make it sound as if my ex was litteraly trying to kidnap the children away from me....but I did not want to believe that because I actually wanted to believe that my ex was not goint to let this happen to me. He would never do that to me...but in all reality, yes, I guess in a sense it had turned out that way. This director of this court of appeals or something, though, did state that if my ex and I did want to work something out on some kind of arrangement to let the kids stay with him for the time that was originally discussed, the director would be happy to write of the aggreement and have my ex sign it thru fax or mail. That was when my ex just decided to give me back the kids within two weeks or so. No agreement was made then.
My ex and I ended up meeting halfway in St. Louis though, right by the river front. And that was the last time my kids ever saw their father and it was the last time my ex got to see his children. I don't know much about when he will get to see them again, though. That is still pending...anyhow, it has been since the end of January since that has happend. Also since then I found a really good job; the hours are kind of nuts but at least they work for me when I go back to school next month...or else who knows if I can even afford to go to school because of that.
As always, my ex use to be good about calling to talk to his kids at certain times during the week. But now it seems to have died down a bit since my ex is just tired of hearing from his son that "he doesn't like him" and doesnt want to talk. And then he blames all of his financial problems on me when of course he was the one that put himself into this bind in the first place; it was not me and will never be me. He chose to meet a woman online that was not even divorced yet that had two other children from previous marriage and who was not getting enough child support and at some cases none at all, when she had lost her job due to one of her little boys being sick this woman looked for comfort from my ex and he took her in like some kind of sad and pathetic puppy, he got her pregnant before our divorce was complete, he got a brand new tahoe vehicle that he must have been paying like $500/month for, he had to cover up for his mistakes of getting his fiance almost evicted and she made him feel bad because of it.... oh, and this divorce between me and him was finalized and all was said and put out when it came to child support only because my lawyer was going by what he was making when he was in Italy...so in all aspects, the support that was drawn out was indeed factual but now that he is back in the states, my ex can get this lowered I am sure. And by the sounds of things, he can get kicked out of the military for having been irresponsible with his financial situation. Boy, where have I seen this before? He got an article 15 once because he did not pay his bills when he went to go to PLDC training in Germany when he and I were still married. So what will happen now, all of this I hope will be settled in due time.
It sounds like he does not think that his children are good influences around the children he sees everyday. And that is the reason why he does not want to have his kids around his new family. He thinks that they are nothing but trouble and cause too much havac. Please tell me something though....if he got to see the kids on a weekly basis, do you really think that any of this would be happening today? No, it will not and the kids will continue to grow with their father and his new family. But he is in Alabama and I am here in NE...17hrs away. He was stationed in Italy for a good portion of the time that he and I were separated and such and I was here in the states trying to start something for myself; it took awhile for me to get here where I am now but then some people say that I just didn't try hard enough. But do I really need to try hard to prove to others that I can do the same things you are doing now, today? No, I do not and will never have to do such a thing.
Also, tell me something though...when your one year old son pushes you away and would rather go to mommie, would you at least try and bond with your son and keep trying or would you give up and just go to your room and read a book like none of this father/son bond meant anything to you at all? The father of my kids saw his son last in Italy, in March 04, then he saw his son and his baby girl in Nov 04...he stayed only one week though then spent the rest of his leave time at home in MA because apparently the father/child bond thing didnt mean a thing to him even then. Then in April 06, he got to see both of his kids once again...he just came back from afganistan and was on leave...then in December 06, he got to have the kids for a few weeks...but the intentions were for him to have them for three months...ummm, not six months, by the way. He tried and he done had his chances with these two wonderful kids. He is lucky enough though that his daughter is one happy little girl and will come up to anybody and hug them...anyone new she meets. Jake on the other hand, picks and chooses who he likes. He likes to rough house a whole lot though, and well, that is what little boys like to do. All I know is that in many ways he does need his father, whether jake believes so or not. Now, a lot of people believe that I am actually telling my kids bad things about their father but I know better than to do that as well. I know that my ex is a good father but at some point he is not getting that chance to prove it yet with a son he claims is so uncontrolling that he doesnt even want his own kids around the family that he knows and sees every day. Now why should a father look at that difference in his child though as a way to push his kids out? Why should any father have to make that kind of judgement about their own child just because he claims that the children he has now, step children as well as his own blood, will have bad influences with his natural children that are just uncontrollable? It is the right of the father to look past this and see that there is no problem at all. Jake has a problem with being in new places apparently and without "me" his natural mother being around he did not know what to do and how to control things. He knew quite well who his father was. But im sure the he did not know why other kids were calling him "daddy" too. All of this was going thru that little boys mind and now he does not know what to think.
Now, Jake is very smart and understands a lot of things. It is unfortunate for me to have to hear him say that he does not like his father, however...but I know different because he does tell me about things he has done with his father....it was almost like it happend yesturday or something. I dont know. All I know is that I am tring to be reasonable and get to the point of where my ex will try and work with jake just the way that I work with him on a daily basis, instead of look at the problems this child may have that may have a bad influence on his step children. And if he can not even give his children the time of day then why should I even bother with letting him see the kids? The kids are going to look at him when they get older as the one at fault because he didn't even want to try and be apart of their lives...and no, it was not because of me. I am trying to do what is right at this point. My ex has his step children wrapped around his little finger all because his wife had planned everything out just the way it should be. It seems to me that this is what she wanted and now she is going to get her way. Actually, she already has....and I dont really know how she can live with herself this way. She wanted the father of my children to bond more with her children and that is just the way it is and will be for sometime. My children will have to grow up knowing this because it is the plain flat truth. Oh, yeah sure...you say that all of this is nothing and are just lies but I know more than anybody could ever know.
