Most people who know me, know that I had a rough life growing up. I was disciplined so much that I thought I was abused. Heck, I even let the proper officials take care of business a few times with my father. But the more I look at it, the discipline made me who I am today. I have learned so much by growing up with my parents that now that I have children of my own, I can see their side of the story. I found that it was hard to bring up children when they do not listen to you. But more so, it is even harder when you are a single parent. However, I don't let that stop me...not anymore.
It is just that today and everyday, people take for granted what is given them...a chance at life, a chance at just having chances at all. People are blinded by their everyday lives that they do not see what is important...the family is important. Even though, my father brought me and my sisters up very so disciplined at some point, there is still room for improvement. And yes, he has shown a great deal of it. At the end of the day, though, he still loves us just the same.
My father went into the hospital about two days ago just thinking that he was getting a regular checkup for his diabetes problem. They told him also that he would have to take insolen shots as well as pills after this point, too...he was not prepared for that and not looking forward to it. But he was most expecting to just get his checkup and go home....he just hates the hospital so much. I was going to come over to the house later too to visit him; he usually watches the kids while I am at school too at night. SO I was greatly upset and scared when he left a message on the phone that he will not be coming home from the hospital because he had to get a pace maker for his heart. That day he did not get the surgery done but the next day he did and now he will have to be most certainly careful.
The day after the surgery, my dad had a bad pain in his left side...so bad that he knew that something was up. My mother had seen him the day of the procedure and claimed that he was fine and most definatelly talking well. But all he wanted to do was just go home...he could not fight the tears though.
I finally got to see my father, yesturday, though. I was able to fight my tears for awhile but eventually , later in the day, I found myself crying. When you see someone you love in the hospital, it is very hard for anyone to take in...especially after a mild stroke. My dad was telling us that it was probably the medication that made him talk with a slander to it but he knew that it had happend and whether he told us different we knew the truth, also. Luckily, he was able to keep a great personality, though, even though he was in a great deal of pain. He was telling me that he wanted to be home for saturday to watch the huskers play Oklahoma St. And that he really really wanted a cigarrette. That was comforting to know...but the hospital gave him a patch so that his hunger for a cigarette would cease. At the same time, he was trying to tell the nurse that he was going to take a stroll down the hall way to visit the smoking area outside...the nurse just laughed though. He told her to just stay in her little area and just pretend that he was in his spot and there will not be a problem. It was funny if you think about it. My dad was just being himself with a little humor as usual.
But this is serious stuff, now. And I think this situation will more or less bring us together as a family...we are going to help my dad out as much as possible. In the mean time carry on with our own lives.
It is hard to even go thru with a situation like this though. Especially when you have problems already. I know my life is not perfect but at this moment you can really see what is important. My father is my life as well as anybody else in it. He will continue to love us just from the day we were born. I have always know this but most of the time we don't show what we truly mean to say. I have not told my father how much I loved him and appreciate him for being there for me. Well, I don't say enough of it, anyhow. So maybe after this moment I can say what I mean all of the time. I can show how much I appreciate my father and love him. He has done so much for me and my sisters...now that we all live on our own, we tend to ask him for lots of help; not that its a bad thing. All I know is that I have seen my life how it was and now I see it how it is. My past with my father could never be the same anymore. He needs us and we need him.
I have greatly thought about the times when I needed him, too. And when I had made stupid decisions in my life. But the one thing that I always forgot was that no matter what problems I may have had, my father still loved me thru it all. He loved me not because he had to but because he wanted to. He loved me and my sisters just the same. It's just that people change after anything like this and sometimes it is what makes us better people. All I know is that I love my father and I am prepared to be there for him no matter what now.
The great thing is that he is finally in the VA hospital and they are finally going to take care of him. He does'nt have to pay so much for their services because he is getting a good percentage for the kind of help that he needs. In fact, his percentage may go up since he is vertually unemployable now. He was a vietnam vet and was stuck in the middle of Agent Orange. AO was a gas substance that was used in Vietnam by the US. military. I dont understand what it was used for but I will have to do more research. All I know is that "Diabetes" is one of the side effects besides cancer. And so now my father is being closely watched because of it. My father has had diabetes probably since 1991 but he was told earlier by his doctor that he might have shown signs of earlier stages. All we know is that my father is being taken care of, now. It is a great thing when something like this happens...when the hospital takes good care of a good man who deserves great benefits for the hard work he does. Heh, my dad was a hard worker and I doubt even after this moment he will still be but he has to take it easy.
