Well, as of today, me and the kids have managed to make it thru this month afterall, financially. I just recieved the paperwork for the change of child support situation and will be sending out the paperwork ASAP so that there will be some results in this matter, and changes to be made. Was informed by the CS department though that it may or may not be that I would get the support back or anything...so I do not know in this matter.
It is final though, the father of my kids and my ex husband, claims that he will actually wait to see if the kids will welcome him into their lives when they get old enough to understand that they actually have a father. He claims that he will have no contact with them just because of me...he just wants to act babyish and see if the kids will accept him when they are old enough to figure things out for themselves.
Our oldest is four and youngest is just two so it will be a few years away for them to understand what is going on...so it is up to me to just tell them about their daddy. It will probably be just story time for them anyhow or so it will seem. I asked him about sending out cards and stuff to the kids on special days such as their birthdays and holidays. I even asked that he would send out a most recent photo too. And then I also gave him an idea that maybe, he should make a video of himself for the kids so that they can see him even on video and such since he does not want to have any contact with them at all...maybe that would be a good idea. But it seems that nothing I tell him anymore matters because then I will know of his address and such and....THAT is a bad thing?
Most of you that know me on a personal note, know that I have stood my ground and was not going to try and get full custody of my children...at this moment I do have joint custody with my ex husband only because I felt that he deserved custody just as much as I did. Well, just because my ex seems to think that it is best this way to just have no contact at all with the kids and wait for the kids to decide for themselves...I am deciding to just change my mind about the whole thing. These kids do not need a father that wants to act like a baby just because his children do not like to talk to him on the phone. And that is where all of this comes about...the kids do not like to talk on the phone most of the time and most importantly with their own father.
Our daughter is just two and in her whole life, she has only spent three times with her father; she had one week with him at birth((he decided to just go home to MA to spend time with his reg family and not spend time with his two children as much as he would have liked; granted he was set to be getting deployed in June/July05 and sammy was just born in NOV04)), she spent almost a whole month in April with him...along with JJ....in 06, then she and her brother spent not even a whole month with him in DEC06 to JAN07; and that was when the tables turned for a lot of things. JJ however spent a majority of the first year of his life as an infant with me since we were waiting on orders to get us to "this military man's" place of duty in Italy((I can say though, that one thing, however is that he was there for JJ's birth and got to stay for one month...he was still stationed in Italy at the time)).
When we had finally gotten to Italy it was like JUNE03 and jj was like 8/9 months old then. We stayed in Italy till MAR04 and that was when me and my ex were separated...well, we were married then. But after I found out I was pregnant a second time that was when the truth came out and such and then I was left to just go back home and go on with my life as it was. But in MAR04, that was the last time he , my ex, got to see his son before his daughter was to be born...in NOV04. The kids father did call and send cards and gifts and such for a time...but even then, JJ who was still at the begining of his toddler days was not interested in talking on the phone and he is the same way even now. Granted, the kids do know of their father and they have seen some pictures of him online and such but that is all that they will see I guess of him.
As of now, my ex has blocked me completely from seeing his page on this site. And his wife is very upset that I know that she is pregnant at this point and was complaining at work for standing too long on her feet and therefore she decided to up and quit her job just like that and get put on bed rest because of these issues. Now, I know I should not be meddling in this life as it is and for all I know his wife may really need some kind of help because she gets sickly all of the time when she gets pregnant anda all....but first of all, when my ex, who lives 17 hours from me, a few months ago complained that he can not afford to take care of these two kids, and the other four members of his family and himself, and then I hear that his wife is pregnant again then I just sit here and laugh and just think that he is just finding ways to coming up with more excuses to get away with not wanting the kids to come and visit at times...because he is allowed visitations and such and when I have finally thought that "OK it has been a few months since he has seen his kids so I think it would be a good thing to see if he would like to spend some more time with them"...I thought I was doing a good thing by this and not a bad thing.
His wifey posted all of my emails I sent to her hubby on her blogs because she felt that she should show everyone what they have to deal with after what happend in JAN of this year. She even copied and pasted anything I put up in a blog and reposted that to her own blogs...
When it all comes down to it...she and her hubby should have just stayed on Myspace and should not have opened thier page back up because everything was better when she was not on this site...I did not have to hear anything from her or her friends that seem to want to take her side for everything that goes on.
But none of her friends will get that I had to deal with this "woman" in particular when my ex and I were trying to get our divorce finalized. And others got to see first hand and not just me what kind of a woman , she calls herself, she was. In the fist place, I was nice enough to pay for a motel room for them so that they did not have to go back home so tired, they did not have the funds for a motel room even then; plus me and my ex had to finish up some paperwork for the things that I wanted out of the divorce. And of course they were good enough to come over and watch the kids for us while me and my best friend were at school. Then that same day, my ex's fiance was sitting in my own home eating some food I think from IHOP or something and that was during the time that my ex and I were at the final stages of getting our divorce complete. Her kids were playing and goofing around and such and she could not get up and get to the kids so she told my ex to quiet the kids down....right there tells ya that, yes, since he is going to be apart of this new family, he has every right to help take care of the kids too...yes, this is true...however, it only showed to me and others in the household at the time that she expects too much from her soon to be hubby because while they were in my place that was all that she did was have my ex cater to her every need....lol...little did I know that she was pregnant though too.
And then of course...I have said it before....while my ex and I were writing up the list of stuff that was to be sent out to me from the divorce that my ex had and still has in his care...his fiance at the time, decided to put her two cents in just so that I did not get what I wanted from the divorce. Naturally, I felt "Ummm, who was divorcing who here?" Okay so that was in the past and everyone seems to think that I should just let the past go and see a diff side to things. But all of this makes up for what I have seen in this woman...I admit at first I was not very much thrilled to see that my ex was engaged to someone he met online after just two months of chatting and such.
I admit to being greatly upset with this woman. But it was indeed at first that I did not give her a chance at much and that I frowned upon and took it upon myself to at least be some kind of an adult and accept who she was and what position she would have in me and my ex's children's lives. But when someone I hardly know tells me what I will be getting out of a divorce that she had NO part in opening her mouth about...then that just made me think what kind of a person she is and will always be. I have given my trust in her far more greater times than anyone has ever known. And the greatest time I gave my trust in her was when my ex had come in DEC06 to get the kids....he was suppose to have the kids for three months but it later turned into just one month because I felt like they were planning on keeping the kids for good. And that was not what me and my ex had made an aggreement upon anyhow...we agreed to just three months since I had been evicted and was living with my parents and I had to look for another job to get back on my feet again. The job thing was not the issue here though, I knew that I could find work just as easily as anyone else that needed a job bad enough((heck, I am still working for the same company that I started working for when my ex had returned the kids back to me))...however, my ex felt that he could better care for the kids in this case when I knew that he was wrong in all matter.
But since he had told me that the plans had changed and he was not going to let me have the kids till the summertime... little did I know though that his fiance at the time was trying to get him to get full custody of the kids... I decided to take action. And I did. So my ex ended up giving the kids back to me. And it was because of this the my ex and his new wife do not trust a thing I say anymore. They think that I will do the same thing to them and that was why they kept their distance, till I sent an email to my ex about him spending time with the kids on father's day or something. And they go and tell me that it is too late to make any plans since it would be like almost two months or so till this special day. Basically, they could not afford the trip of him driving back and forth like that. But more importantly, MY ex could not afford to take care of a full household with his two kids and these other two kids and one infant.
He even claimed that he could not handle to take care of his son who was uncontrollable at times and he also claims is a bad influence on the other kids in his household. Jake is a great kid though...and I am willing to believe that at times, Jake felt like he did not belong there in that place with his father and that family, though. Basically, three months would have been really bad for Jake because I, his mother, was not there. My ex even told me that "JJ blamed his fiance at the time for the reasons why his mommy and daddy were not together". And then of course my ex had to point fingers at me in all aspect. All I can say in all of that is that Jake may have a lot of things going thru his head and such but this one time he just figured it out for himself.
And so it comes down to this...as a mother it is my right to tell the kids about their father and do not with hold anything out about him. Every night when I get a chance to actually speak to the kids about their father before going to bed, I tell them that 'even though their father is not here, does not mean that he does not want to be in your life and does not love you'. I find hard believeing in my words myself these days though but regardless, whatever may happen in all of this, I will continue to say what needs to be said. And just because my ex seems to think that his son does not like talking to him on the phone, does not mean that Jake does not talk about his father at home. Oh, yes, Jake recalls many of times with his father...well the most recent ones that is and he still recalls going to MA in April06.
But I guess his father will not understand that and will never know how to look at it. Jake tells me that he would like to see his father again except he would like for me to be with his father when he is spending time with him...in many ways, I hope that one day it will be where we will all just be mutual and come to the right decisions about most things. I would like to honor what jake most wants but for now I can only see problems...since me and his father as well as his father's new wife do not see eye to eye on most things. That will be another day or year or so...I guess.