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last night i wanted to jump in front of a bus.
obviously i didnt haha and i ended up jamming with minus fyder.
the music keeps me alive.
insanity? who fcukin cares?! im alive.
my art work has been declining...my health has been so so yet...its still there.
its time to pick myself up with the full knowledge that its not changing.
i wont have a that "moment of clarity" that some get in life.
ive tried...i fought...i cried...i blamed...i drugged myself...
thinking something would crack and i'd get to be normal.
its not happening haha.
theres nothing i should be ashamed of though...for how many people WANT to be out of their minds, im one who actually is and DOESNT want it.
i wont have to be a tough guy about it. I dont need the image or opinions that make the regular person seem crazy.
crazy is what crazy does!
my brain is medically damaged.
which makes my daily mind follow suit.
there will be no wife..there will be no regular job...there will be no kids...there will be no rat race and weekend bar times to talk about it all.
i wanted all that...but no its not in the cards...so fcuk it.
im one of those crazy fcuks that doesnt have a solid plan or agenda for life.
a virus that just wont give up...
