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Justin Case's blog: "Nowadays"

created on 07/09/2007  |  http://fubar.com/nowadays/b100448
Cafe | NY, USA |

(At our cafe, a massive puddle has formed after a customer spills a beverage. I quickly get to the process of
cleaning it up. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Why are you doing this when there is a line out the door?!”

Me: “Sir, I have to clean this puddle up for safety reasons. The last thing anyone would like to see is someone slipping on this puddle.”

(Aside from the fact that there are only few people waiting on the line, there are two other baristas helping the customers.)

Customer: “Well, there is a line here, and I can’t believe you are doing this crap! I need to catch the train in a few minutes!”

(I decide that escalating the issue is not worth the effort. I place a wet floor sign on the puddle, and proceed to bring down the line. After the unruly customer gets his beverage, he turns around and steps into the puddle. Lo and behold, he comes crashing down to the floor. He gets up and storms up to me with a furious expression.)

Customer: *fuming* “What the h*** is this?! Why would you leave a dangerous puddle of water on the floor like that? That puddle could have killed me! I’m going to sue for this!”

Me: “Sir, if you can remember, I was in the process of cleaning that before you demanded that the line be brought down quicker. Also, there was a wet floor sign out there clearly stating the hazard.”

Customer: “I want to speak to the manager of this place! It’s manned by incompetent idiots!”

Me: *with a pleasant smile* “Hi! My name is [name] and I am the manager on duty. How can I help you?”

(The customer’s jaw drops. After staring at me for a couple of seconds, he attempts to mutter something but turns around and scurries out of the store.)

___________

You Bite It, You Buy It

Charity, Retail | Clitheroe, England, UK |

(I work in a charity shop selling used items. A customer walks up to me with a pair of gloves.)

Customer: “Are these gloves waterproof?”

Me: “They look it, sir.”

Customer: “I’ll just test them out.”

(The customer then proceeds to bite the gloves, covering them with his spit in the process, while everyone close to him looks on in horror.)

Customer: “Yes, I’ll take these.”

________________________________

Snobbery Just Won’t Cut It

Hair Salon | London, England, UK | Top

(I am having my hair done in a salon that is just off a very busy shopping street. It is just after 4:30 in the afternoon, when a woman breezes in, carrying a lot of shopping bags.)

Client: “Hello! I have an appointment with [stylist].”

Receptionist: “Do you? I think his client is already here. Can I get your name?”

Client: “It is [name].”

Receptionist: “Ah, I see why there’s some confusion. Your appointment was for 2:00 this afternoon.”

Client: “Yes!”

Receptionist: “And it’s 4:30 now.”

Client: “Yes!”

Receptionist: “So, you’re a bit late.”

Client: “But, he knew I was going to be late!”

Receptionist: “Oh, sorry. Did you ring to let him know?”

Client: “No, but he should have known.”

Receptionist: “Sorry, how should he have known?”

Client: “He knows how beautiful I am, and there are all sorts of sales going on right now. You shouldn’t have your salon here if you don’t know that beautiful people, like me, are going to need to buy things for the summer! I mean, really!”

Receptionist: “I’m very sorry, but your appointment time has passed. Maybe you can wait? [Stylist] is with another client right now.”

(She points to me.)

Client: *suddenly very angry* “Her? But she’s so ugly! It won’t make any difference if she has her hair done. Beautiful people should have their hair done first! The ugly ones should wait!”

(She approaches my chair and tries to remove the foil for my highlights.)

Receptionist: “Madam, I’m going to have to ask you to leave right now. You can’t speak to other clients like that!”

(The woman continues trying to pull me out of the chair. She is hustled out of the salon by a group of stylists and customers, leaving all her bags behind.)

Client: *going out the door* “The ugly ones should waaaaaait!”

_________________________________________________________

This Caller Is Off The Hook

Call Center | Augusta, GA, USA |

(Note: I have been speaking to this caller for at least a half-hour.)

Me: “Okay, now while we program your new cell phone, I need you to stay on the line on the second cell phone.”

(Suddenly, I hear the sounds of shattering glass, screeching tires and crumpling metal. I hit the emergency button on my phone system and stay on the line, as I am trained to do. Eventually, a deep male voice comes on the line.)

Me: “What is going on?”

Safety worker: “Apparently, your customer was juggling two cell phones while holding a hot coffee between her knees, and driving. Another car admits to not seeing the red-light until it was too late. They t-boned your customer. I have no idea how the h*** I am going to write up this one. Thanks for staying on the line. I am ending this call now.”

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