Trivial work thing but wtf
We have email distribution lists for work...some of them have thousands of recipients.
Every so often, somebody accidentally sends an email to a distribution list.
And then the chaos ensues.
Every motherfucker with less than half a brain 'replies all' to god knows how many people saying shit like 'please delete me from this list' and 'I don't think I should've gotten this email'.
Every time, I lose my patience (shocking I know) and do a reply-all of my own. These messages range from the constructive to the facetious; I rarely foray into the brutal because, well, I don't know who's on the list.
One started yesterday. I went with facetious. It stopped for a while. But there's been about 100 more today. My Saturday. No, I can't ignore them because I have colleagues who may be actually trying to reach me for something important.
Members of the major leadership teams are doing it. So I backspace like a motherfucker about 15 times. Because I don't wanna be homeless.
Finally, because it's kinda hot here and I'm not good with impulse control, I send this:
"Dear all the people who are wanting to be deleted off an email list because they don't want excess emails in their inbox.
Why are you doing the same thing to the other 3000 people on this email list? PLEASE stop pressing that "reply all" button. It's beyond unnecessary. (Irony of myself doing this well noted, thank you).
With sincerest thanks,
Someone who would like to enjoy her Saturday without her Blackberry flashing every 5 minutes."
As soon as I press send I think "oh fuck" and similarly themed phrases.
Two minutes later, my boss replies (just to me). I think "oh fuck" again.
I can't believe this.
I like my boss.
Today, as part of our team meeting, a colleague and I took the team through an exercise. It involved splitting them into smaller groups, and getting them to rate each member of the full team on a number of personality trait 'spectrums' (eg: most extraverted to most introverted).
That colleague and I get along great, but are polar opposites in most things (he drives me fucking bonkers half the time, as I do him). On any decent measure of personality (ie objectively judged), whilst we have some traits in common, we are extremely different - this is relevant, trust me.
Each team had 16 personality spectrums, and there were 13 people to rate across each spectrum.
With the exception of one group's rating of one parameter, I was at the extreme end of all the parameters. Sometimes DIFFERENT extreme ends (I was most open, and most closed, for instance) but always an extreme.
So was my colleague.
At the same end.
Every time. We jockeyed between 1 and 2 but it was always way out the sides for us, never middle ground (apart from that one time).
We just had a quick natter about it (I can do that whilst MuMMing, true story) and what we figured is, basically, apart from people being stupid, we have very 'overt' characteristics, that people translate into one extreme or another depending on a) whether they like us and b) how they perceive themselves and that trait.
We both cause extreme reactions in people - love us or hate us, you bloody well will remember us. Beyond that, every interpretation of 'who' we are...is on the perceiver.
I was most argumentative, compassionate, aloof, disagreeable, conscientious, open, closed, emotional, relaxed...etc...etc...(side note, about an hour later, as I was making a point vs my boss, he said "where the fuck is that rating chart, I need to change something" - I told him he couldn't mark me any more argumentative than he had - his response "I can make more fucking boxes, I'm the boss!" We were laughing...because that's...what...we...do - radical I know, to be able to take personal observations without rushing into a fucking hissyfit, right?).
Why am I sharing this with you?
Because y'all throw a lot of adjectives at/about me...y'all still don't get a few things...
Y'know, I don't care if you always feel the need to turn anybody's trauma into your own issue, rather than actually helping someone. I really don't care if you disparage every member of your family, friends and relevant others constantly and incessantly. I don't care how desperate you are for attention, what you are willing to do to try and get it and how pathetic that makes you look. I don't care at all if you want to look like a beached walrus after a day in the sun, or be a rampaging drunk cougar on the prowl, just so guys can tell you their 2-incher is tingling over you. I don't care if you're a mean-MuMMer one second and a delicate flower the next because someone was meaner, or fubar did something to you that they didn't do to anyone else at all in the history of the universe EVER. I don't care what persona you decide to 'be' online. Some I may like and some I may not, some I may mock or deride or otherwise state my piece about but I really don't care...not in any significant way at all.
I would, however, really appreciate it if you could be consistent in your behaviour. Just a tad. Just one vertebra showing. That's all.
I have been guilty of hypocrisy for a while now...yes, 'guilty' is appropriate, because I hate it...I've turned a blind eye/zipped my lips (fingers) and even gone to work early, rather than say what I want to say to some of you vile cunts who think that somehow, in some magical way, what YOU do is ok, when it's not ok for anybody else.
I do that because it's easier...and yes, you can rationalise just the internet/just words/doesn't really matter...not worth the mewling and the drama that tends to ensue (and yes it does ensue, nothing seems to be more butthurt than a supposedly mean-MuMMer holding the remnants of the arse they've just been handed) and Helly is sick of crouching behind her chair...but you know what, if I continue like that, I'm liable to become a spineless cunt...I'm going to be one of those twats that doesn't have an opinion until she sees 2-3 others with the same opinion...and I'm going to have to change my opinion depending on who says what and when...or does what...I'm going to be a craven little twat bitching in shoutbox (stfu) because I no longer have the nerve to actually be who I am, and think what I want...on the fucking internet....where the worst people can do to you is WRITE WORDS IN CAPS LIKE THIS AT YOU or say mean things about your photo (which you can use as an excuse to run to your friends and get them all to lie through their teeth and say you're purdy ANYWAY).
Fuck that...far too much effort. As is, I might add, 'understanding you' and why YOUR particular experience is so fucking special and tragic that you're given a pass when nobody else is, whether you know THEIR experience or not.
Behave the way you want to...like I said, I do not rightly care...but I think you will care about my response...I'm arrogant like that.
Go nuts...I'm off for a shower.
When someone's lame...I laugh at them. That is the only response lame deserves.
BUT *long-suffering sigh* here I indulge my penchant for creating shit-storms in a teacup.
- posting a homophobic pic then blocking the people that commented how homophobic you are
- trying to say it's 'against the rules' to comment on someone's pics
- trying to say there are rules...at all
- writing a fucking essay to tell someone how little you care about them
- expecting a fucking troglodyte bitch to waddle behind you everywhere you go to tell you how wonderful you are
- thinking that an Imikimi makes that troglodyte bitch your true love
- blocking people then bitching about others blocking you because you're a mean MuMMer
- thinking you've got any association whatsoever with a 'wolf' when you're more akin to a weasel.
Little boys shouldn't play with the grown-ups if they're going to cry every time they get shown how out of their league they are.
If the wee boy would like to play...c'mere and I'll serve you your arse on a platter again...and don't forget to bring the heifer - I want a word with her too... :)
I'm only speaking for me here, you may or may not agree with me, you may or may not be offended by some or all of this.
I don't rightly care.
There's a saying about how if everybody thinks you're an arsehole, you're probably doing something right.
I tend to like that saying because if anyone can piss off a wide array of people, it's me. It's often been suggested (*gasp* in real life too!) that if anyone can bring peace to the Middle East, it's me...they'd just have to meet me and be united by their mutual dislike of me.
And I don't mind that. Because most people ascribing to a group are too afraid to be an individual. And groups are such amorphous globs of non-meaning that anyone with three functioning neurons is going to have to disagree with something it 'stands for' at some stage...and I'm sure as fuck not concerned about the people with less than three functioning neurons.
So I'm disliked (I hate the term hater) by two main groups on here...basically...'ye olde MuMMer' types...and...well...pretty much everybody else.
I don't consider myself a "MuMMer" - mainly because it would mean that I was expected to toe the line on the "MuMM rules" which seem to change as often as the wind depending on the 'who' of what's happening rather than the 'what'.
And I don't like that. (And yes, I'm well aware I'm starting too many sentences with 'and', I don't care.)
But there seems to be a commonality amongst those that dislike me (and no this is not rationalisation or excusing, I believe it's valid observation):
- they all have the lives they accuse me of having (no job, no family, no penis...wait...no vagina...hell I dunno which I am at the moment)
- they all lack the testicular fortitude to actually confront or argue with me, but
- they all also think that anybody that blocks THEM is a coward (golly, bit of logical extrapolation there...)
- I've NEVER seen any of them offer any substantial assistance or advice to anyone. Yet the people they despise are the ones that I HAVE seen spend time and emotion helping sometimes complete strangers with their issue.
- they have a selective morality based on who does something, not what was done.
And a few other things.
I'm not here for fu-fame (however you wish to spell it) and nor am I here for levelling, popularity or feeling like I 'belong'.
It's interesting that the few people I do call friends (and who others call my minions) are the only ones with the actual balls to disagree with me, who have no expectation of special treatment and who are the ones that will be putting in the hard yards behind the scenes actually doing something worth a fuck...like giving actual and real advice to someone that needs it, like getting profiles of actual paedophiles deleted and reported to authorities...like giving enough of a fuck to lose sleep over a complete stranger's welfare...or even the idea of it.
I am extremely grateful for those people. When I am tired of fu and everything seedy and pathetic that it represents, it is those people that make me come back. The rest of you can take a flying fuck with a battery-powered cattle-prod.
Yes, this is in response to a blog about horrible MuMMers...which was about about a MuMM...about horrible MuMMers...to bait those horrible MuMMers...and I do love how the 'morality police of fu' was suckered...Yes, it's probably considered to be causing drama.
Please see above. Do not give a fuck. Until you've proven your merit to me, your opinion matters not a fuck to me.
Update: apparently that blog's gone now (probably some hater got to 'em I guess - NOT ME). Fuggit, this still stands. In fact, scratch that...this is not in response to anything at all, it's just me ranting...any resemblance to anything is purely coincidental.
STFU it was NOT mushy.
If you can't take it, you shouldn't dish it out...learnt that growing up...fairly fundamental...but some of you, well you just have so many fucking special rules for how you behave vs how others should behave...kinda mindblowing.
If you don't like what someone does and/or says, and how they say/do it, and who they do/say it to...then chances are, you don't like them. (Mindblowing revelation huh??) Why the fuck would you pretend to yourself that you like someone 'if only they would...' - fuck off and get a spine.
If someone talks to you about someone...chances are they talk to someone about you...that one's like a Spanish proverb or something, people have known that shit for CENTURIES...why is it a surprise to you? See above - dish it out, learn to fucking take it.
I have bets on some of you.
You really do
But I'm sick of letting that get to me - I am trying to be here simply to have fun. Now my fun may not be your idea of fun (and vice versa) but guess what? Don't much care.
I read about this chick; she made a cake a day, to give away, for a year. Doesn't sound like much? Once you put the thought into the actual doing of it, it's a lot - here's a link for anyone with more than the fu-attention span http://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/news/article.cfm?c_id=6&objectid=10778028
I've been toying with a similar idea - I cannot afford the time (believe it or not, fu-time is also work-time generally; kitchen time is altogether different.
I don't like to make commitments I don't keep, so I'm ending up doing nothing at all...which pisses me off also. But I'd rather positive energy than the endless soul-sucking pain-manifesting-as-bullshit around here...so this should probably be a MuMM but I'll be fucked if I deal with some of those unctuous cunts in this mood...
I am 'posed to be in my kitchen doing Christmassy stuff but fuggit, roK said I had to write a blog about her scandalous self, mainly because, she assures me, nobody would read it.
So I guess the first point is, roK never makes much sense.
Now obviously, I am a man-hating prudish lesbian, so I don't know much in the way of 'scandal', except to say that this is the woman that sent me a jumping plastic penis AND a pubic hair comb for Christmas...and was disappointed because her local hookers weren't giving away their kamasutra help signs.
She has better hair than I do...which admittedly isn't a huge benchmark, or scandalous...but it's only cuz she goes to a transvestite hairdresser who has the upper body strength sufficient to hold her down while the blowtorch does its magic.
You can rarely find her in the MuMMs anymore...which is a right royal pain in the arse AND a scandal of GOP proportions, in my humble opinion, cuz she happens to be both funny and wise, which is not a combination that we get very often (present company - ie me - excluded of course).
If you should stumble on to her page, though, you will find the biggest scandal of all...an actual real person, who is humble, sweet, funny, kind, intelligent, beautiful, soulful, artistic and just a little bit insane.
Ok, a lot.
This past month, I have not been 'here' much - she is the only one that hasn't...well, to be honest, 'noticed' is probably the most correct word here (BITCH, WHY HAVEN'T YOU BITCHED ABOUT ME?)...anywho, I digress, one of the points I have 'seen' on fu is the focus on the self...in some cases, interest in the other is purely a means to get attention for the self...this is not the case for roK, and others whom I am lucky enough to call friends (I'm lucky; them...not so much).
I would love to see more honest, pure, giving - paying it forward, with no thought of what you get back or whether someone else's was better than yours or yadayadafuckingyada...and roK is one of the people that has made me stop and think about that, through her actions and her example.
So get over yourselves, and let someone else know they're wonderful - and if they don't appreciate the means by which you expressed that, tell them to go fuck themselves and get roK to beat 'em up.
AND NO, this should not be interpreted as favouritism, nor should anyone think I am excluding them, prioritising or ranking them, or making a bitchy point about them or in any way try to take this and twist it into something bullshit relating to themselves OR I SWEAR I WILL RIP YOU IN TWO WITH MY BARE TYPING FINGERS.
(I have a limit on Christmas spirit :s)
People that hate entire ethnicities complaining about a coupla chicks being mean to them.
People that want entire populations to be persecuted talking about their right not to be persecuted for their beliefs.
People that excuse racism because it's 'their freedom' censoring anyone who disagrees with them.
I could go on but I have a job to get to...selective morality really pisses me off.