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Save the Nuts's blog: "Nowadays"

created on 07/09/2007  |  http://fubar.com/nowadays/b100448

Getting Shorted

Retail | Miami, FL, USA |

(At our store, we sell individual tea bags for fifty cents each. Free hot tap water and a foam cup come with each bag sold. One customer, a man in his thirties, has been coming in and buying a single bag of tea every Sunday for two years, but he never takes the water or the cup.)

Customer: “I’d like a refund of $50 please.”

Me: “We don’t sell anything that expensive.”

Customer: “Well, I bought 100 of those herbal mixes and they haven’t done a d*** thing.”

Me: “You mean the tea you buy every week?”

Customer: “No, the herbal mixes in the little yellow packets.”

Me: “Yes, that’s tea.”

Customer: “You mean it won’t make my man parts larger?”

Me: “No, it’s a beverage.”

Customer: “Oh. Never mind, then.”

(He leaves, disappointed. I never saw him again.)

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(Not So) Smooth Counterfeiting

Drugstore | Chicago, IL, USA | Criminals

(I am ringing up a customer when he hands me a 100 dollar bill.)

Me: “Alright, I just need to check it really quick.”

(I hold the bill up to the light.)

Customer: “It’s okay. I just printed it.”

_____________________________________

Blocks UV-A, UV-B, And Omega-3

Drugstore | Toronto, Ontario, Canada |

(I am standing at the cash registers when a customer approaches me with two bottles of sunscreen.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could you tell me the difference between these two?”

(I explain to her they are different brands, different prices, and of different SPF.)

Customer: “Oh, okay. But is one of them fat free?”

________________________________________________

Casting The First Stone

Grocery Store | Elizabethtown, PA, USA |

(A customer comes through my check-out line looking agitated.)

Customer: “How dare you work on a sacred day of rest!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Today is Sunday! Why are you here? You should be in church, you blasphemous heathen! Why are you here?”

Me: “I’m working on Sunday because there are customers that want to buy groceries on Sundays.”

(The customer immediately shut up and didn’t speak for the rest of the time I rang up his groceries).

_______________________________________________________________________________________

Warning: IQ May Be Inversely Proportional To Wavelength

Hotel | Milan, Italy |

Guest: “Do you have a macrowave?”

Me: “You mean a microwave? It’s at the–”

Guest: “I don’t like your microwave. I need a macrowave.”

Me: “There’s no such thing as a macrowave.”

Guest: “Well, your microwave isn’t heating my food fast enough. I want a macrowave instead!”

Me: “Sorry, but it’s a standard microwave. Perhaps you can check if you have it on a low setting?”

Guest: “What?”

Me: “There’s should a dial going from from low to high under the timer dial.”

Guest: “It’s on low.”

Me: “Change it to high.”

Guest: “So, it’s macrowaves now?”

Me: “No, but your food will now heat faster.”

Guest: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes. Ring us again if there’s a problem.”

___________________________________________

My Tin Foil Hat Must Be Broken

Cellphone Store | Danville, VA, USA |

(I am helping a woman out with her cellphone. The internet isn’t working properly.)

Me: “I see the problem. Data wasn’t enabled in the settings.”

Customer: “Oh, so it wasn’t Al Qaeda stealing my signal?”

Me: “Haha, no, ma’am.”

Customer: “They’re everywhere, you know!”

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