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Jake from State Farm's blog: "Nowadays"

created on 07/09/2007  |  http://fubar.com/nowadays/b100448

 

LEAD STORY

On May 21, Jesse Robinson either established or tied the unofficial world record for unluckiest underage drinker of all time when he was booked into the Hamilton County, Ohio, jail for underage consumption. According to booking records, Robinson's date of birth is May 22, 1990. [HamiltonCountyJails.info, 5-23-2011]

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Government in Action!

"Common sense lost its voice on this one," concluded a Wethersfield, Conn., city councilman, lamenting the local school board's having spent at least $630,000 to "resolve" an ethics complaint against the board's chairwoman -- all because her son had improperly taken a $400 high school course for free. The town's ethics board conducted more than 60 hours of hearings over 11 months, incurring $407,000 in legal expenses, and finally voted, 3-2, to uphold the complaint. (However, the ethics board ordered only that the chairwoman reimburse the $400; the school board then voted to pay all her legal expenses.) [Hartford Courant, 6-10-2011]

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In June, as five young men gathered around the Mount Tabor Reservoir near Portland, Ore., one urinated in it, thus "contaminating" the 7.2 million gallons that serve the city, and, said Water Bureau administrator David Shaff, necessitating that the entire supply be dumped. Under questioning by the weekly Portland Mercury whether the water is also dumped when an animal urinates in it (or worse, dies in it), Shaff replied, certainly not. "If we did that, we'd be (dumping the water) all the time." Well, asked the reporter, what's the difference? Because, said Shaff (sounding confident of his logic), "Do you want to be drinking someone's pee?" [Portland Mercury, 6-15-2011]

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Police Report

Gregory Snelling, 41, was indicted in June for the robbery of a KeyBank branch in Springfield, Ohio, which was notable more for the foot chase with police afterward. They caught him, but Snelling might deserve "style" points for the run, covered as he was in red dye from the money bag and the fact that he was holding a beer in his hand during the entire chase. [Springfield News-Sun, 6-15-2011]


Least Competent Non-Criminals

In May, in Rensselaer, N.Y., and in June, in Bluefield, W.Va., two men, noticing that police were investigating nearby, became alarmed and fled out of fear of being arrested since both were certain that there were active warrants out on them. Nicholas Volmer, 21, eventually "escaped" into the Hudson River and needed to be rescued, but the police were after someone else, and no warrant was on file against him. Arlis Dempsey Jr., 32, left his three kids on the street in Bluefield to make a run for it before police caught him, but he was not wanted for anything, either. (Both men, however, face new charges -- trespassing for Volmer, and child endangerment for Dempsey.) [Times Union (Albany), 5-5-2011] [Bluefield Daily Telegraph, 6-17-2011]

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Recurring Themes

People sometimes have illicit sex in cemeteries, and when they get really aggressive, tombstones may fall over on top of them. (A randy 39-year-old woman was injured in Hamilton, N.J., in June after a gravestone rolled onto her leg at the Ahavath Israel Cemetery.) [Trenton Times, 6-2-2011]

Motorists who stop along the side of the road at night to relieve themselves are often not careful enough. (In May, a specialty unit from the Renton, Wash., Fire Department was required in order to rescue a urinator who accidentally fell down a 30-foot embankment in south King County and was trapped for several hours.) [Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 5-30-2011]

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