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confident For those of you who know me well, you know I don't make new year's resolutions usually. Except maybe resolving not to make one LOL. This year I made one, and I am praying it was from God, that it does as I hope it will, and that I will stand beside it through all temptations to return to old patterns.
Ready to hear it? It'll knock your socks off! It's new! It's innovative..... actually that's bs I bet half the people in the world have made one similar LOL ok here it is.....
It comes in parts.
The biggest most bulky part is:
I am going to treat myself the way I want to be treated by others.
Now I know that sounds kinda bassackwards. I can hear ya thinking "Don't you mean treat others the way you wanna be treated? Golden rule and all?" NOPE. I've done that for 33 years, and so far it's gotten me bit in the ass and walked on. I'm not gonna stop being kind, however...... As I would have my friends or my man (if I had one) do for me..... I am going to stand up for myself, say "No" and stand by it, treat myself to luxuries like: daily showers, clean house, clean car, clean clothes, eating only the foods I really enjoy and that I want to eat, movies, manicures, pedicures, hairstyles, new clothes, jewelry, etc... as I can afford it of course. It won't be a big huge thing, but considering one of the other parts of this resolution, I will have a little extra money here and there.
That part is to quit smoking. I haven't had a cigarette since Dec 21, 2009. For you slower mathematicians that is 2 weeks as of Monday, which technically is today, as it's past midnight, since I have had a cigarette. I just couldn't see spending $200 a month on cigarettes, not to mention the doctor bills from related illnesses to me and my kids. I can't do it to them anymore, and though it hurts like a mother fucker (pardon my filthy mouth but it's about the only thing that comes even remotely close to the pain and strain I feel sometimes) it's worth it for them, and for me.
The other part of this resolution is the one that is going to knock the socks off of most the people who know me. As you all know I've dated 1 guy I didn't meet online in the past 10 years or so. Now mind you I was married and with my ex for 7 of them (we dated a year and were married 6 before he did me the honor of getting the hell out and eventually making me his ex-wife). However, considering I have had about 4 or 5 serious online relationships since then, I think it needed to be addressed. I have resolved not to seriously date nor call a guy I meet online my boyfriend. If I meet a local guy on a website, we can be friends til New Years, if he's worth it he'll wait. If I meet a non-local guy he's gonna have to not only prove that he can and will move here locally, or provide a better life for me and mine elsewhere, but he will also have to wait to be with me in person or come and visit me (sexlessly), as I am not spending the more money on another guy to come use me up sexually and financially then spit me out like old chewing gum at his whim. I am not doing it anymore. No sex with guys. Nada. I am sick and tired of letting my hormones and my heart lead the way. It's broken me so far down in the past year, that I cannot handle it again. Not for a very long time if ever.
So I am giving myself a year to heal, to take care of myself, to focus my attention on me, my kids, and the future of my family. My education. My goals. All my life all I ever wanted was my soul mate. I figure I've waited 33 years, 12 months won't kill me, if I magically meet him tomorrow. Plus we can be friends til I'm ready to take that next step. Hmph! lol
Mostly though, I just wanna be the kind of woman I can look up to and be happy being. (LOL that didn't make much sense but I'll explain.) The kind that isn't afraid to be herself, or try new things. The kind that will work and earn her way through this world, and when the time comes I'll be able to stand on my own two feet, even if it takes me years to accomplish. I won't live in constant fear nor regret anymore. I will stop dwelling on the past and other peoples shitty opinions, and do as I know is right and good for me. I decide who I am! I will be the kind of woman that refuses to be a door mat, a sex toy, an ATM, or a dart board. And I know I'll be the better inside because of it.
And may those who love me stand beside me and enjoy the change, and those who don't may God turn their hearts. And if He cannot turn their hearts, may He turn their ankles, so I will know them by their limping :).
Thanks for reading, comments are encouraged!
