Rebelchic74's blog: "My own worst Enemy"

Sometimes I say what I say blindly not thinking about who its directed to misplaced and misguided the damage I inflict I havent a clue messed up and misdirected my views might seem to be even if they are expressed in anger I dont know why I say it.. it isnt as it seems to be Ever said things you wish you could take back? At this skill I seem to have a knack I type before I think sometimes its true there are times I just need to vent and argue this time I really messed up taking my problems out on you.. I know what I did was wrong and I didnt mean what I said .. I hope you realize I am a good person just a little fucked up in the head Its too easy for me to run people off and I'm not sure why.. I have to admit this is the first time I realize the mistake I've made don't think I haven't cried I don't know what else I can do .. I don't want to be labeled a psycho bitch for all my faults I never lied to you.. I have had my moments of weakness and I'm insecure for sure, but I have put alot of thought into.. I was wrong I admit it for your forgiveness I implore I tried to be the best friend I knew how to be .. in the end I have alot to learn this is very evident to me I had no right to pass judgment when I'm the one at fault, you are a better person by far I don't know why I'm upset I have no right to be its you I insulted its no wonder you chose to flee I tried to keep our friendship 50/50 I didnt do a very good job. I missed alot and didnt put enough faith in the friend I had in you I can make excuses left and right, but thats all they are I'm sorry I'm no longer a friend in your sight I was wrong is all I know to say do I deserve a second chance is the last question I will send your way

In the end I am who I am, faults, foolishness, emotional breakdown and rants, bad decisions and good, first to criticize myself and push people away. My faults are too numerous to name. My stubborn nature always does me in and I say things I didnt intend, but for all I lack theres much more you see.. I am caring and concerned although I run my mouth when I shouldnt.. like most I've been hurt many times and yes sometimes I do tend to whine.. I have yet to find a friend who has stuck with me through the test of time; most of this is my doing I know, but sometimes we all blow.. I dont intend to hurt or offend but sometimes it builds up and I have nowhere to vent or let go and this anger was misplaced again Now I'm not sure what to do I've hurt me as much as you.. tell me why its so hard to let go this time I can't stand the way I feel.. maybe its all in my mind I dont know how to make it better; if I could turn back time I would, but then I think I am me and I woulda just run you off the next chance I got if I could.. as I've told you before I dont know why I do maybe I am just that miserable I know right now I wish I were someone else totally invisible Whichever way this goes I just want you to know I do care for you and wish you nothing but happiness and know my regret over ruining our friendship has brought me much sadness.. I will keep you in my prayers that you have a long life and stay safe for even if I was the worst of friends in my heart you will always hold a place If you think I'm a crazy bitch I can't say I blame you but I'm hoping that forgiveness and a second chance is in you.. too bad you'll never see this

I am hurt and I did it to myself I am hurt because I am weak I have hurt because I took it out on those who didn't deserve Maybe it's better that I am alone again I am not a good friend to keep If only I had seen what I was doing but I didn't and don't know why I am my own worst enemy I guess it's my own fault I'm left alone to cry