Rebelchic74's blog: "My Wall"

If I don't say goodbye it's not because I don't care If I don't say goodbye it's not because I won't miss you If I don't say goodbye it's not because I won't think of you If I don't say goodbye don't think it's unfair If I don't say goodbye it's because I can't for one reason or another If I don't say goodbye it's because it's too hard for me If I don't say goodbye don't take it personally If I don't say goodbye it's because I know you'll be back If I don't say goodbye the tears won't flow If I don't say goodbye I still hope you know I will think of you often and keep you in my prayers If I don't say goodbye you will still mean alot to me If I don't say goodbye I know we will meet one day again soon If I don't say goodbye please know I am still your friend and will be until the end but I can't say goodbye and not be sad So if I can't bring myself to say goodbye please try to understand I know it wont be long, but its my emotions I'm trying to keep in hand

I have put up a wall to keep from being hurt; to keep from having to admit I have feelings of any sort. It's easier you see to say it doesn't affect me. People come and go you see so why shouldn't I be the first to flee. It seems to be the way it goes in one relationship to the next who's gonna give first no one knows. All my life I have been an observer; the one on the outside looking in and this was my choice of course. I have seen many things go bad in relationships of all sorts and while I'm trying to understand why these relationships seem to fly by. It's hard to keep up with who's with who and which friends have decided how to be a friend they haven't a clue. Backstabbing and lies break many relationship ties. Open and honest you hardly find anymore fighting and yelling is more what they tend to explore. So I put up a wall to keep out the pain, if I don't let anything in I can cast no blame.. Of course I have been hurt once or twice, but behind this wall even friends will never go, because behind it they probably don't want to know. Theres a chance I might let someone in one day.. I just don't see it happening right away. It may seem defensive and I know you'll say it is but the excuses I give are just beating some to the punch because theres a chance I might start feeling too much. I have always been this way and why change, after watching so many other people let good things go down the drain. It's easier for me to keep my self at bay than to let things affect me in that way. So I may not be who I seem, but I don't lie, cheat, or try to make things more than they are. If anything I'd rather be that observer whether near or far.I don't let many people get close to me for fear of losing them too; so believe me when I call you a friend its not just something I throw out into the wind. I may trust too easy, but if I say I'm your friend it wasn't a decision I have come to without a lot of contemplation and trust no matter how much you might think the worst. And yes I know this rhymes too much So theres my wall try to climb it or let it be