LilSqueaker's blog: "Missing you!"

Here lately I have been so tired and I can't seem to catch a break. I just don't know what to do anymore. My ex has been causing so many problems and then I have to take care of things with my daughter that I didn't expect to have to worry about, then there is all the things that have been going on with my daughter being as klutsy as me. Where is the silver lining? I just feel so alone and lost. I feel like the people that I thought cared about me don't and the ones that I thought couldn't care less about me actually care.  I just want to crawl into a hole and not come back out. Just me and my daughter will be in this hole and no one will come in and break my heart.

 This heart has been shattered so much I don't think that half my pieces are here anymore.  I don't know if even when the right man is there and willing to try to heal this heart if he can get it back together.  When it comes to my life and the ones that I love I would lay down my life for my family and the friends that are like family.  I can't keep doing all the fake people and fake shit and it makes me wander if I should leave Fubar again and not come back since all it is that everyone wants to only get what they want and it doesn't matter who they hurt or who they use in thier path.  I find the ones that I think that will be the most honest and that are just online to just have fun and talk to people. 

I have people tell me it's just a website and that I shouldn't take it serious but the thing is that if i talk to some of those people outside of the lounges and off the net I don't find it just a game. When I talk to those people I want them to be the true thing and be true friends and be the ones that they say they are. The way that some act just means that they are just that good at lieing and that there is no truth to what they say. In this world all we have is our actions and our word and one doesn't mean much without the other.

 I need to have the people in my life that have both not one or the other.  When I get to feeling like I'm lost and alone it just makes me feel like I'm really just drowning in my own hiden emotions and I need someone to stand next to me just to let me know that they are there and that I have a friend I have someone that loves me and cares about me. Someone that even though I am falling apart because of my own stupid mistakes and that I have messed up things in my life they don't care that I have done that and that those things in the passed and that they are here to help me live for the futer instead. I have  a best friend that I met in real life and got her to have an online life to have fun but I want that guy that will hold me and tell me everything is ok. Tell me I may not be able to be next to you at the moment but I am here to talk to and i am here for you to talk to night or day. Someone that will make time for me through out thier day a couple times and call me or text just because he knows it makes me smile when he does.

The main thing is I want someone to step up and say that hey forget about the stupid fucks that can't tell which head they should think with and come here. The ones that will stand by me as a friend and that man that will tell me that they are there. I know that I'm not like most girls my age. I may only be 23 but I have been through a lot more than most people my age and was raise the old ways by my mom and my grandpa. They made sure that I had morals and I had the right way to live and that you work for what you get and nothing in this world is free. That is why I need a man not a boy because I am a strong young WOMAN and I am also a carring and confident strong single mother and I will stand for what I believe in and the way that I was raised and I will raise my daughter to have the morals she should and will have a code to live by the way that I was. She will know a man loves her before she gives her heart to him. And that is what I have to do first. 

I know that I may be lost now but I am finding my way out and I will know what to do and if you happen to read this and you think that you can be a true friend and can stand next to this mess and help well ill be excepting applications lol.