Jessaca's blog: "My Life, My World"

I'm in a lot of pain. It really does hurt falling through a floor air vent. The cover was not put on correctly and very lose. The sub-floor is as deep as my knee, which caused me to twist my ankle & knee, a lot of the pain right now is zeroed in on my cafe. Work called the EMTs and they got me out of the hole, took me to Pioneer Valley Hospital, where I got x-rays but the doctor didn't tell me she was the doctor nor did she touch me. I got told, "Nothing is broken so we are letting you go home. Never asked if I could put weight on my leg, which I can't, had to walk out of the place on my own. Right now I'm hurting really bad and very annoyed at everyone.

I didn't even make it to my second week on the job, that doesn't say much for the place.

If you would like to know where I work:

Teleperformance USA
1991 South 4650 West
Salt Lake City, UT
(801) 257-5800

All hate mail can be sent to the above address.

Yes this all happen today, Monday, November 29, 2010.

First week of training at Teleperformance, on the Verizon Fiso Tech Support project, has been HORRIBLE!!!

The things that one or more of the “agents” did not know:

The computer locks itself after it sits idle for so long.

What Outlook is.

What an ISP is.

What a CAT5 is.

That fiber optic cable is made of glass, and that it transmits light through it.

And this was just the first week of training. I am very worried about these people. My trainer on the other hand, well, he is just a plain old dick!!

We signed into one of our web sites, and he told us to change the password, well yeah the first one is always a temp, but then he said that we would get different log ins on Friday. I asked the simple question of, “Why do we have to change our passwords when we are going to get a different screen name on Friday?” He replied with, “I meant what I said, so do it.” Well what the fuck??? I am going to get a different log in on Friday so why worry about changing the password??? I never did get an answer to the question, so I guess this site really isn't that important until I get told the different log in.

To me when you get a different log in that means you have to come up with a password for that log in, so why worry about changing a password on what is a temp log in??? Am I missing something here? Can someone please tell me what it may be?

I'm just so annoyed over the whole thing. The whole week has mostly been stupid “ice breakers” anyhow, with very little learning of what Verizon Fiso is and how to do the job. The biggest question I have been asking myself is, “Why am I here?” If anyone cares to give me an answer to that question, I would be more then happy to hear it. Thank you!

Monday, November, 22, 2010, I will start a new job, as tech support for Verizon Cable TV, Internet, and land line phone services, and even though I have been working on computers since I was fifteen years old, I am not feeling so good about this new job, for many reasons. . .

1)    It is a call center, and I have worked at a call center before and became so sick I was almost hospitalized.
2)    I have had enough of computer issues and people not listening to me about fixing the thing and keeping it from happening again.
3)    Most people at call centers smoke, and most of those smokers do not keep the area clean.  I don't mind smokers, my grandma was a smoker, but she was a clean smoker and always put her buds in an ashtray or trash can.
4)    Starting a new job not knowing people scares me, more so in Utah because my mind works very differently then the people in this state, so making “friends” is kind of hard to do.

I don't like change and it is hard for me to come by all these changes that have been happening in my life this year.  All I want to do is hide in my room and not see the world, not face reality.

There is a flip side of all of this, and it is. . . I am finely done living for my family.  I want to get out there meet new people, and tell my family to shove it.  I'm twenty-five years old, it is time to stop trying to make them happy and start making myself happy.

The irony of it all.

This weekend has been a roller coaster. Started Saturday off by going and getting new tires for my car. Went in to Discount Tires and told the guy that I need to replace the 2 front tires with 2 new ones. After he was done I didn't think about checking, drove off to meet the family for dinner, and when I get there, Dad and brother-in-law asked me why my new tires were on the back. They were annoyed, so Mom called the store and ask to speak to a manger, told him that I was just in asking for two new tires on the front end of my car and they put them on the back. The manger didn't seem to be too sorry about the whole thing at all. I couldn't take my car back in to get them fix, because the store closed at 5pm and it was already 4/4:30pm, and the place wasn't going to be open on Sunday, because they all need to shit their asses on a church bench acting like they are holier then now.

Oh yeah I am pissed and won't ever be going back to Discount Tires at all! Dad took the new tires and put them on the front, and now I have to go down to Sam's Club and get them balanced. I would have bought the tires from them, but two different guys in there told me that they were very over priced and told me to go else where. So I have learned my lesson, never shop at Discount Tires.

Sunday: The family went down to Incredible Pizza, in Draper, and that place was a blast!!! The food was pretty good too. After spending about 3 maybe 4 hours there, we went to a Halloween store, and I think I picked out what I want to be, but I have to find out if there are any parties first before I go out and buy something to wear.

If anyone knows of any Halloween parties please let me know. Thanks.

Well off to bed I go, work at 6:30am :p I would like my job better if it didn't have to start so early. Take care all and have a good week.

For the longest of time I have toyed with the idea of what the perfect man for me would be, and I think it would be safe to say it would be a mix between Dr. Henry Walton Jones, Jr., Professor Robert Langdon, Professor Charles Edward Eppes, and Devil Cynster. The idea of having someone so smart and knows the subject I have always love, history, mixing it with the subject that I have never understood, math, and then adding in power and strength, that would be the perfect man.

Now if we are talking about outside looks, my ultimate want would be some shade of blue eyes, but other then that I can give you a long list of male celebrities that I would want to be with, look wise, but for me it really isn't about that, it is about the conversations and wanting to go see and do the same kind things. And I would also like him to push me into doing something new, something that I couldn't ever see myself doing before, all while holding my hand.

If I could find all those guys wrapped up into one then I might re-think everything.

Finely I have a date set to forget about all the bad stuff that is going on in my life and have some fun. I wish I could invite everyone but it is going to be a girls only party, but hey if you are a girl and would like to join in the drinking, learning, and fun please let me know.

So yeah not much going on today but sleeping and getting told about the party on the 11^th of September. Now that I type the date out, I will have to check with the people, because that was a bad day 9 years ago. Mmmm. . .

Well going to clean up and get ready to go out to dinner, go call your mother and/or grandmother and kiss the babies. Have a great night!!!

It really was. . .  Today we told that there is nothing left for the doctors to do to help Grandma, and they are turning her care over to a hospice group.  All I can do is cry anymore.

For those of you who don't know, my grandma was more of a mom to me, then anything else.  I always ran to her when I needed to talk, and now I have no idea how much longer I will be able to do that.  The doctor doesn't want to give us a time frame, so it doesn't get stuck in our heads of when Grandma is going to pass, which I don't know if that is making it harder on me or not.

From here on out all I can say when someone asks me how I am, is “Ok,” or “alright.”  No I'm not any of those two things, but I don't want to spend an hour talking about all of the things that is going on.  The only other person that truly understands what I am feeling and what I am going through is my mom.  But at the same time I can't help but to be so envy of my mom because she got to spend so much more time with Grandma then I got to.

I know they say that there are 5 stages of grief, but denial I think never came for me, I just went into being angry.  Angry at God, if there really is a God, angry at the doctors, angry at my mom who got so much more time, and angry at myself for choosing to do other things then to go over to Grandma's.  If I ever do get out of this stage, there is no way I can get out of the depression.

But for now, we are going to take life one day at a time, and I will be spending pretty much all of them at Grandma's house with her.  I know I will sit there and try to talk about anything and everything that doesn't have to deal with what is going on, but I'm sure she will know that it is the first thing on my mind.

So the last thing on my mind here, is to urge everyone to go and get a full check up, with a full blood work up and go have your colonoscopy, even if you aren't in your 40s or 50s.  Take care of yourself and take care of your family, call your mom and grandma and tell them that you love them, you won't get a second chance.

Be good to yourself, be great to your love ones, and remember what your knees are for.

You're everything I wanted, and more
But knowing I can't have you, for many different reasons
It's killing me inside.

I can't have you here, because of your work,
I can't be there, because of her
So why do I keep trying.

There is no going forward,
And there is no going back,
So lets break away and stop going at all.

All the things that have been said,
All the things that have been done,
They are all meaningless, because

I can't have you here, and I can't be there,
So lets go our different ways
Before I am dead inside.

Just so everyone is on the same page. . .

I am no longer working, I was fired today.  I was a contractor employee with Aerotek working at Unisys.  Well my first paycheck came on a Friday afternoon and I could not get to the bank until Saturday morning.  When I got to the bank the girl gave me a hard time because Aerotek put my full name that I do not use, and I do not like to talk about, on the check.  I told the ladies at Aerotek about it and they told me that there is nothing they can do because of some I-9 Compliance thing saying they have to use the name on my Social Security card.  Well I have worked for 6 other companies, not counting Aerotek, and none of them used the name on my Social Security card they always just used the name I asked them to use.  And you have to think the one company I worked for Discover Financial Services, they would have to follow all the rules and what not because when I started with them they were under the Morgan Stanley umbrella.  So I get fired because my credit union, or the little girl working at the credit union, does not like to take checks with a different name then that they have on their records.  I don't get it.

Another thing that really bugs me, all my unemployment stuff, even my W-2 from them last year, doesn't say one thing about this other name.  If the State of Utah doesn't have to follow this so called I-9 Compliance rule, why does Aerotek have???

I was always annoyed because when Aerotek sent my information over to Unisys some how my first name was spelled wrong so it was a stop and think and remember that there is now an “i” in my name.  I will miss the guys at Unisys, but it is my name and I do not get offend about anything other then my name being spelled wrong.

Give me a few days and I will go into the whole sadness of not being at Unisys and seeing the guys and hearing about WOW and StarCraft.  But for now I'm beyond pissed off.

So much has been going on in my life lately I haven't even gotten a good nights sleep because of everything.

First off I am now working, only 10 hours on both Saturday and Sunday, as a Help Desk Agent in a call center. The work is very boring, but I like the place for the per fact that I am the only girl on the team.

Other happenings in my life are: Grandma's cancer is back so been fight that with extra strength chemo. Fixing my grandparents computer, they are still on dial up and after lighten hit the modem went, grrr trying to find a dial up modem in this city is like finding a needle in a hay stack, can't do it. The third thing is, my sister is now a Slumber Party rep, and I just don't get the rules that company. At these so called parties there cannot be any men. WTF??? The company sales male sex toys, but men can't be at these parties. And I know a lot of men who use toys with and without their partner. Can we say they are losing sales because of the rule?

Well, anyhow, I am not going to hand out my sister's info or say anymore on the company just for the fact they won't let men be at the parties. And as for myself I don't think I will be going to any of them, boycott until she says she will do a party with men.

Now I am off to check the shipping of my dial up modem and to finely have a me day, filled with laundry, watching West Wing, NCIS and taking a much needed nap.

Hope you all are doing well, and drop me a line sometime, I need more people to talk to.