Bright Blessings's blog: "My Heart is Breaking"

I HATE THIS SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO DESERVE SUCH CAOS, MISERY & PAIN?MY KIDS DID NOTHING! WHY MUST THEY SUFFER? I AM NOT SUPPOSSED TO SAY THE WORD "HATE"IT GIVES THE PERSON THAT FEELING IS DIRECTED AT WAAY TO MUCH POWER. HOW CAN I NOT?

I HAVE TRIED PEACE,I HAVE TRIED IGNORING, I HAVE TRIED FORGIVENESS, I HAVE TRIED IT ALLNOTHING WORKED.IT ALL CRUMBLES BEFORE MY EYES. SO WHERE ELSE DO I GO BUT HATE (TOWARD HIM)?HOW MANY MORE YEARS MUST I BE PATIENT,UNDERSTANDING,A DOORMAT,A PIECE OF SCUM UNDER A SHOE?THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH I CAN TAKE. I REALLY THINK THIS TIME IT IS MY BREAKING POINT,I HAVE RAISED UP MYSELF FROM ASHES SO MANY TIMES,I AM CHOKING ON THOSE ASHES NOW.
THIS COULD BE IT, THE LAST BATTLE THAT I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO FIGHT WITH. NO AMMUNITION. NO SUPPORT.NO HELP.NO WHERE TO TURN.I AM TRAPPED IN A CAGE IN THE CORNER WITH NO WAY OUT.THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL HAS BURNED OUT. I AM SO TIRED,DEFEATED,WITH NO HOPE,NO INNER LIGHT EVEN, TO GUIDE ME.

I AM SO SORRY MY CHILDREN THAT I HAVE FAILED YOU SO MUCH. I HOPE YOU DO REALIZE ONE DAY..I HAVE LOVED YOU SINCE YOU STARTED TO GROW INSIDE ME, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY OWN LIFE.YOU ARE MY HEART,MY SOUL,MY WORLD,MY UNIVERSE,MY EVERYTHING.PLEASE FORGIVE ME.YOU BOTH DESERVE SUCH BETTER LIVES.ALWAYS,FOREVER,REMEMEBER, OUR HEARTS GLOW & TOUCH, NO MATTER HOW FAR, OR HOW LONG APRT WE ARE OR WHERE LIFE TAKES US.I LOVE YOU HAYLEY & AYDAN EVEN IN DEATH

 I LOVE YOU FOR ALWAYS,FOREVER,WHEREVER YOU MAY GO, I WILL BE THERE WITH YOU. WATCHING YOU, BY YOUR SIDE WHEN YOU NEED ME,YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE.I AM WITH YOU ALWAYS.

ALL MY LOVE,FOREVER,FOR ALWAYS,TILL THE END OF TIME AND BEYOND THIS UNIVERSEYOUR MOM