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In February, I did finally have my gall bladder removed. Things really started improving with my health after that, as I found out my blood stream was being poisoned by having it in there. It was at 0%, no telling how long it had been shut down, and the Dr said that it was like removing a geode with how completely crystalized it had become. I've finally been able to gain my weight back, 110lbs was the goal, and I made it all on my own through the pain and nausea. I still look really swollen, and that of course gets on my nerves. Really am on the road to recovery and may be able to live with the SMA Syndrome managing the symptoms as they come.
My heart issues have seemed to stabilize. I really do think that the toxic blood stream was making that so much worse, and now the clean blood helps everything work better.
I rarely have a seizure anymore, and that's a lot of pressure off my family and myself. I still feel the weird pressure in my head about twice a week, but just thankful that I can somewhat function now without the fear of being alone and driving.
I've really came a long way with the PTSD counseling, and I'm more at ease about my past. Granted, each day is still a challenge to get out of bed and keep going, but it's really getting easier.
During an MRI of my neck checking on the buldging discs, radiologist flagged lymph nodes and requested a CT Scan. They've since discovered 7 abnormal lymph nodes, 4 of which are believed to be cancerous. Because of location and size, I'm to wait 6 months for a repeat test to see how much they change and grow... apparently if what I hear is correct, treatment may shorten the lifespan I have instead of prolong it... I'm looking into 2nd, 3rd, and 4th opinions on this. I understand that the Dr doesn't want to cause the cancer to spread, but no treatment at all doesn't make sense either. All in all, just another battle I get to survive. That's what I do, I survive whatever I'm faced with and keep going.
Sometimes I think I'd have rather not known at all, and just continued living my life. However, it has made me grateful that I can now focus my time and efforts on my children instead of a game where people pretend to care. I love my true friends on here, the ones I know I can really depend on... but deep down, I know one day we'll all go our seperate ways, and I will have to be ok with that.
I try not to be a sob story for everyone to feel sorry for me, that's not what I want at all... However, with those who really do care about me, I'm writing this for you!! I do have some life threatening disorders, but I'm a fighter, and I'm determined to battle them all!!!
Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome (SMA syndrome)
http://rarediseases.info.nih.gov/gard/7712/superior-mesenteric-artery-syndrome/resources/1
To sum up how this effects me daily... Basically, I struggle to eat and maintain weight. I have a very low appetite, and a very high pain level when I do eat. I also stay very swollen a lot of the time, which makes me uncomfotable with my looks (it appears in my eyes that I look 3-4 months pregnant at a whole 100-105 lbs that I can hold onto at a time!)
Heart related issues
I have micro heart attacks daily... short of breath, can be disorienting, but most of all just burning of the chest. Most recently, I had a severe episode of a minor heart attack. Because I don't always know what's happening anymore, I really don't go to the hospital unless I really have no other options. (FYI, it is proven that most women DO NOT go to the hospital during a heart attack, so I don't want the crap from "you should know better...") Live a day in my shoes and you'll learn that you can't always run to the hospital for everything... Back to the point...
With the most recent heart attack, I also got these diagnosis's which are underlying symptoms of CMD...
Microvascular Angina - fancy way of saying severe prolonged chest pain and overall feeling shitty.
http://www.downloadheart.us/how-to-deal-with-microvascular-angina.html
with a Stunned Myocardium - means that my actual heart attack stunned my heart and the blood flow didn't really return quick enough (or something to that point...)
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/352588-overview#a1
Seizures
I have mini seizures daily, some I'm not even aware I'm having... others drop me to the ground. Just a battle of when and where... but I manage this really well! Most don't realize there are actually 40 different types of seizures, and that not all are the full blown convulsion. My main warning signs are blood shot eyes and my brain feeling like an electric storm literally!
http://www.epilepsy.com/node/968069
PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
I've struggled with ongoing trauma's from the age of 8 on throughout my life from rape to beatings to “kidnapped” for a week and more... This has made me who I am, strong willed and determined to fight harder just to survive. Won't go into details as to what I've been through, but having this diagnosis does not make daily living easy, and makes the physical disorders that much worse!
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/index.shtml
Panic Disorder
My life is a battle of irrational fears and emotions that I can no longer control anymore. It causes a lot of stress and anxiety... but is just another thing I learn to manage and do the best I can with!
http://www.medicinenet.com/panic_disorder/page5.htm#how_is_panic_disorder_diagnosed
I'm undergoing more testing to see if the cancer I had in 2004-2006 (cervical cancer which resulted in a complete hysterectomy) has started to show its ugly face again as well... and being allergic to all treatments given aside from the surgery, I'm not looking forward to this at all!!!
That is the base of what I live through daily... and now maybe you'll understand why I can't be online all the time, forget things, and cannot spend a lot of money on this game we love so much! So please bear with me... I was told I'd never see the end of 2014, and I'm still here!! I'm a fighter, and always will be!
Have been told that if I do not go to Mayo Clinic within the next few months, I'll turn another kind of critical... and funding that trip is the only thing really preventing me from going. Once I get there, it's paid for... expenses for travel to get there is on me, and it SUCKS!! Several states away from where I live!
Thanks to everyone who has been kind enough to have patience with my moodiness, and now you all know why!
Lots of Love,
~Beth
