Delete this profileI cantbe botheredto d...'s blog: "my blog has a first name..it's B-L-O-G!!"

Lets see... Welll,The biggest thing in my life is i'm very married now. Well handfested. But many don't get what I mean when I say that. That's right my beautiful Gypsy honnored me by agreeing to be my Mate. I've never been happier. And She is my beam in an otherwise shitty time in my life. Not so much my life but my family I chose.So I am effected as well. We'll be moveing soon. Then yet again.5 of us are in the hospital right now.3 in very bad shape. Then there's the odd actions of someone i'm close to. Well we all are close to. I'm questioning they're real intent with being close to us. Seems it's all a way to get them the monies they need & very little other.There is a chill in the air if it's any topic other then helping them with money. That sucks. I'll help out my friends as much as I can. But I will not help you out if that is sole reason your my friend. Everyone of my kin are this way too. Poisoned is temp. on hold . With our siner & gutirest in the hospital there's little choce. So i'm doing the odd jobs to help out with my share of things. There will be a very interesting photo shoot comming up invloving myself & My wife (my wife...damn that sounds wikked).I'm sikked to be doing it. Gyps is soooo nervous. It's cute. Like she's not hot? OMG!! Time nears to head to the hospital to take the wee fair bella and tman to see mom n pop-o. So colour me gone!

Well I've done it now. I lost my temper put a fist though a wall and not only do I owe the hospital for the coast of repair..i'm banned from going in. Well they can ban me all they want too.I will be by my soulmates side and fuck them if they think they're the ones strong enough to stop me. But for tonyte I let it go.I'm needed to watch the fair Bella. It's just her since Tman got invited to dinner,movies and a sleep over.And she's setting by the slideing doors watching the hell stones come down n going "ooooo biggggg boom" The bigger thunder gets'grr u no boom me". She's alittle warrior. And she IS in warrior mode tonyte. She senses something.When she for goes a "ookie" to watch outside she's senseing something. I only hope it's nothing bad on her Ma & Da since they're out tonight doing a gig. Yeah call me parinode. Call me a worrie wart. It's my family I will worrie. Not that I don't have more then enough worrie going on with out that... But this storm reflects myself in many ways. I'm a rageing storm inside. Feelings whipping around over lapping..fear..worrie..anger..hope..love... and above it all this overwhelming need to just be with my lady. She's in a coma...I still know she can feel me when i'm there. And away from her the fears grow 3 fold. I've only loved this deep once befor. Honestly I never thought I'd be able to do so again. That is untill I met Gypsy. I shit you not--from frist time I laid eyes on her I knew she was my forever. When Rave introed us & I herd her voice-- well I was lost.The most amazing thing is she feels that way about me. The thought that i could lose her...the pain is like a dagger to my heart. I feel the tears excapeing even as I battle not to shed them now. No need to try and hide my feelings from Bella she already knows I'm...lost. She simply looked up at me n went "pipi u no happi(happy)- me no no happi. Gygy(Gypsy) no goos. Me love u. me love gygy." She a remarkable little girl. She is so in tune with how we all feel. Yeah I love her asif she were my own. And she's in a big way what's keeping me sane tonyte. Everytime that phone rings I fill with dread. Everytime it's not the hospital i'm hit with releif. Tonyte feels as if it will never end......

I'm numb and I'll admit hurting hella bad at the moment.This might not make much sense at all. But my mind is driving me crazy all the thoughts just bounceing around. So I was hopeing a blog might help it. I don't do silence well. It goes back to my youth and being forced to be in a silent,cold,dark place when ever I was thought to deserve punishment. I'm dealing ok. Gypsy needs the rest so i'm silent as I can be. But it allows my thoughts to just run around. Mainly It's fear I'm feeling...I've never loved as deep as I do Gypsy. Hells I knew from the first time I saw her she was my forever... Now the thought of loseing her...well I'm scared to death.I honestly couldn't deal with that on top of loseing our child.... Then there's the thoughts of rage of makeing the one that made this happen suffer 3 fold for it. Of makeing her feel the hurt n pain we are right now. And yeah I'm not proud to admit it but yeah,I do think of her painful demise. I know that's messed up but I find myself smiling at the thought. I'm not so nice when one of mine's been hurt and i'm going on coffee n cigs alone. Food makes me ill at the moment. Now a good full bottle of rum I could go for... Then the thought of Gypsy herself runs though my mind.she'd told me just nights ago she was fineally happy. Really happy. We had so much to look forward too... a child ..a wedding..a new life in the states.. In a heartbeat that can all be taken from us..the child has been already...From joyfull to shattered in seconds & all due to some bitch... It somehow leaves a bitter aftertaste. Now since it hit my thoughts..I do need to take a moment and thank a few peoplbefor I sine off on this blog. Beck- thank you for being there..It means more then you know...even if I'm so fucked up I can't really put 2 words side by side.It means alot you even want to deal with this with us. Rave...Where do I start?You gave up a night with your Mate n kids just to hold my hand and be here for gypsy n I all night. Even though it brought your own lost to mind. To say thank you seems not enough.Your really more family then my own ever was. D..well we've already spoken on this but to publicly say it..thanks. Jess- Bro you amaze me. You have enough to deal with in getting well to get to your wife..yet you offered what help you could do. Thanks- menat more then I can say. Ryan- thanks..umm you know why. and i owe you for doing what you did. JessI-I just might take you up on the offer of a spell...Thanks... CC & Rikk-I-- um your both fucked up but I did need the luaghs so thanks. Bella--Your one amazing little girl--I don't need to tell you what you did for both me & Gypsy(and I know your Ma will read this to you)..Thank you sweetie! "pipi" loves you so much. Tman-thanks for the power ranger.And the advice on how to kick the ass of the one who "dided" this. You rock! Ok..that's done..it needed saying and I know everyone of you say no thanks needed but it really is.

If this makes no sense just deal with it. I'm on the edge and one more push will see me fall... I don't know wich is worst-- the worrie or the anger...Or the fear i must admit is there. This all seems a nightmeare yet I cannot wake up. To make it short my wife to be is in the hospital. She's been admitted. Yeah more bleeding. Yeah the fact slaped us in the face that we just may lose this baby. Yes, I said we. I'm home only long enough to shower n change.I won't be leaveing her side after this.I just needed to make sure my housemates made it back so I didn't relie on CC to watch there kids for to long. They're home so I'm going back. And OMG! My anger grew!!The bitch cunt that is responsable for this whole thing had brass balls and showed up here.She was esquarted off the esstate by the body guards my one housemate has. To bad they didn't just allow the dobbi's to rip her apart.I know that sounds cold n crule. She deserves no mercy. And my rage is earned fully. The hate I feel I've never felt b4 ever. I try not to give in to rage.But this time? No stopping it.I stand to lose not only my unborn child but my soulmate as well. I shit you not. As I've said b4 fuck with me all you want..fuck with mine your going to live to see it was your worst mistake.Harming my child n wife(I already feel she's my wife)? Well it goes to far. And the rage is allowed to bubble. Waiting for it's proper time to overflow and burn some cunt. It will to nature of the beast I am. Add to that the fact that my best frind/bandmate/housemate is being fucked with yet again by her ex. Well not directly but by one of his little spies.And well...world war 3 might look taim next to me at the moment. What I do not get is..why he cares? She tried to be his friend even after all the fucked shit he did. he wanted no part of that.Yet,he gets people to spy on her now? Report back to him so he can send lame emails about her to her? I know he's just an assmunch but it's so preschool!I guess she was s'post to just forever mourn his "lost" an stay as sad and fucked up as he always was. Seeing her happy is something he can't stand. So he tries to rip it down. rip her down. Take her back to the shell of herself she was with him. Again-- I do not understand that at all. A case of I don't want you..yes I do..but only cause your someone elses. I've offered to deal with him for her. I do hope she takes me up on it... Ok enough of my madness for this one..