I'm numb and I'll admit hurting hella bad at the moment.This might not make much sense at all.
But my mind is driving me crazy all the thoughts just bounceing around. So I was hopeing a blog might help it.
I don't do silence well. It goes back to my youth and being forced to be in a silent,cold,dark place when ever I was thought to deserve punishment.
I'm dealing ok. Gypsy needs the rest so i'm silent as I can be. But it allows my thoughts to just run around.
Mainly It's fear I'm feeling...I've never loved as deep as I do Gypsy. Hells I knew from the first time I saw her she was my forever...
Now the thought of loseing her...well I'm scared to death.I honestly couldn't deal with that on top of loseing our child....
Then there's the thoughts of rage of makeing the one that made this happen suffer 3 fold for it.
Of makeing her feel the hurt n pain we are right now. And yeah I'm not proud to admit it but yeah,I do think of her painful demise.
I know that's messed up but I find myself smiling at the thought. I'm not so nice when one of mine's been hurt and i'm going on coffee n cigs alone. Food makes me ill at the moment.
Now a good full bottle of rum I could go for...
Then the thought of Gypsy herself runs though my mind.she'd told me just nights ago she was fineally happy. Really happy. We had so much to look forward too... a child ..a wedding..a new life in the states..
In a heartbeat that can all be taken from us..the child has been already...From joyfull to shattered in seconds & all due to some bitch...
It somehow leaves a bitter aftertaste.
Now since it hit my thoughts..I do need to take a moment and thank a few peoplbefor I sine off on this blog. Beck- thank you for being there..It means more then you know...even if I'm so fucked up I can't really put 2 words side by side.It means alot you even want to deal with this with us.
Rave...Where do I start?You gave up a night with your Mate n kids just to hold my hand and be here for gypsy n I all night. Even though it brought your own lost to mind.
To say thank you seems not enough.Your really more family then my own ever was.
D..well we've already spoken on this but to publicly say it..thanks.
Jess- Bro you amaze me. You have enough to deal with in getting well to get to your wife..yet you offered what help you could do. Thanks- menat more then I can say.
Ryan- thanks..umm you know why. and i owe you for doing what you did.
JessI-I just might take you up on the offer of a spell...Thanks...
CC & Rikk-I-- um your both fucked up but I did need the luaghs so thanks.
Bella--Your one amazing little girl--I don't need to tell you what you did for both me & Gypsy(and I know your Ma will read this to you)..Thank you sweetie! "pipi" loves you so much.
Tman-thanks for the power ranger.And the advice on how to kick the ass of the one who "dided" this. You rock!
Ok..that's done..it needed saying and I know everyone of you say no thanks needed but it really is.
