50 rxts Buttrflygodess's blog: "times of loneliness and confussion"

Lately, I have seen a lot of friends losing people close to them and my heart breaks all over again. I know the pain they are feeling. Although it may not be the exact same loss, example a mother, father, aunt or such as losing my brother, it does hurt. It creates a void that is never filled again.

For me losing my brother was one of the hardest things that I had to encounter. Today it has been 8 years since he was murdered. Eight years since he was selfishly taken away from his 2 yr old son and my family. He was 20 years old. Lived only a fifth of his life and had so much more to learn and live.

I lost my faith in God and everything that day. How could a God so wonderful bring someone (my family and I) so much pain. It was hard to find anything positive in such a negative event. As time went on the loss did not get easier. Jerry is never missed or loved any less from day to day. The void that was created when he was taken is still there and at times seems to grow. The pain I feel everytime I see my nephew doing things that I know my brother would have wanted to teach him like hunting is undescribable. I see my brother in him all the time.  Little things he does that my brother use to do to annoy me, don't annoy me anymore, they just kind of make me giggle. I am thankful for the time I did have with him and the memories that I have. I wish we had taken more pictures, I wish I had told him more that no matter how much of a pest he was at times he was still my pest. I do not doubt that he knew I love him but I still wish I had told him more.

I am sure to anyone reading this, it may not make sense at some points as I surely can not type out all my thoughts that are going through my head at this moment.

If you are reading this, do me one favor. Look at your life and the people that are in it. Be thankful for who you have and cherish them. Smile at a stranger, it could be the only sunshine they see that day. Tell those you love, what they mean to you. Send a letter (not email) to someone you haven't talked to in a while and let them know you are thinking about them and don't take life for granted. It can change in a millisecond.