I smile to disguise my fear. I laugh because it keeps me from crying. I crack jokes first because it's what everyone is thinking, but would never have the balls to say to my face. At the end of the day I take off my mask that hides the pain that no one else can understand. And as I lay my head down on my pillow at night, I'll think about how when I wake up the mask will be put back on just so, how much my cheeks will hurt from smiling, how bad my sides will be sore from laughing and how many more jokes can I spit out before I break down and blow, as I fall asleep on a tear stained pillow. ~RRJ~