DoctorJERMx's blog: "this is my brain on...line."

just thinking as usual about old shit.

maybe not soooo old but still the past.

realizing i went off on a so-called friend who snaked me out of 5 bucks but its the way he went about it not the amount.

regardless i needed to call him on his constant bullshyt anyway.

so i did and well...im not the best at keeping things back so im pretty much waiting for the art exchange partnership to be pulled from under my feet because i told my co-partner he could basically piss off if he needed anything from me...that didnt pertain to the event....yet folks dont like being told they fcuked over a good friend.

so i'll get blamed for being the prick...fine with me.

actions speak louder than words and ive painted my words and kept my actions as an artist and local art activist and promoter.

i cant say the same for my partner...but some people think that if they dont live up to their part its everyone elses fault.

i called bullshit and got shit on.

good thing i had a hat on.

had my heart ripped apart by my ex...got stepped on by a friend who happened to be a female yet i was again a good ear hole and non-judgemental person.

but when she felt attracted to me she ditched me quick and easy.

haha and i wonder why my room is deemed The Rabbit Hole...the farther you go the more frightening and disorienting...even though its a safe and genuinely welcoming place.

go figure...i must just be naive i dont know.

i cant blame the seizures on these people over the last 2 months.

its my fault for stressing out so bad.

i was trying to change inside my head to somehow fit the standards of these people i cared about.

didnt happen...i dont think it ever will either.

some might think its a joke to me or i shoulda ran earlier but no...i feel broken hearted in many different ways.

i know i have a few good friends and family.

i can trust them...so thats what i need and thats what i got.

i doubt im going to find others that could match up...thats just how it goes i guess.

there are vampires among the humans and sometimes they pretend to be human just to get the blood of the living

Jesus god! i talk in friggin riddles hahaha im glad i dont proof read this.

i dont want to know just how nuts i am.

through my music and through my art is how i want the public to aquire a piece of me.

i can trust strangers to either like it or not without pretending to think different as to not ruffle my feathers haha.

feathers i dont have...im more of a literate monkey.

one day though...i can believe that one day i'll be understood enough or intriguing enough to keep a girl around longer than a few months this new set of years.

i'll keep singing more, painting more and honoring my true relationships with those that respect me and vice versa.

no more 2nd-3rd chances with people and situations that end up like the first try.