I just was not prepared for this.
I was ready for lots of things in this relationship.
I knew there would be flings.
I knew there would be lovers.
I knew there would be others in our bed.
I could handle all of that.
Don't even have a problem with any of that.
I never thought I would have to deal with the fact that
My Husband would tell Me that He is "In love" with someone else
Inafatuated with, I can handle.
In lust with, I can handle.
In Like with, I can handle.
I am not so sure I can handle "In Love" with.
He says He still loves Me.
He says He will Never leave Me.
He Says He would die if He lost Me.
He wants Me to share.
If I have to share My Husband, she is the best choice.
I don't want to deny him this happiness
He is so rarely truely happy
He must need this
I know she needs this
I just don't know if I can handle it.
Don't know if I want to handle it.
Don't know if I have a choice.
not if I want to stay with him any way.
If I want to stay with him I have no choice.
If I want his happiness I have no choice.
If I did not love him with every fiber of My being,
This would be easy.
But , I do, so it's not.
How do I do this and keep Myself?
How Much can I give, without loosing Myself?
How Much do I put up with?
How much do I "compromize" ( Goddess Bless I hate that word)?
When do I put My foot down and say I have had enough?
When is My heart going to stop breaking?
When do I just walk away?
I can't just walk away....
It would be like walking away from the air I breath
When does that air become poison?
How much heartbreak before it is toxic?
When does it become unhealthy for Me to stay with this Man that I love?
When do I step over the edge of sanity?
Have I already?
I am so scared!
I am so Lost!
I am so confused!
Is any of this rational?
Or am I just being selfish?
What do I do?
Give me strength!?!?!
