Dear Barney,
Listen here you sick purple fucker, Im not beating around the bush with this letter and you better pay the fuck attention to every word!
First of all, I do NOT love you and you sure as shit dont love me, so stop singing that annoying fucking song! We all know its a big act Barney!
Those closest to you have told me about your angry outbursts, your dino-touretts syndrome like rampages, using words that would make a sailor blush! Words that i've never used or even heard in my 33 years on this planet!
You have to stop Barney, you have an image to uphold.
What about the arrests for indecent exposure? The whole adult movie theatre fiasco? The 'female' hooker incident....oh and lets not forget all the clubs Barney. And not the normal type of strip clubs either, Nooooo that would be too easy for them to explain as human nature, you have to frequent the fucked up underbelly clubs...live sex shows, BDSM, K9....really twisted and kinky stuff Barney...too kinky for the mainstream of society to handle!
The final straw was last week when Baby Bop walked in on you and BJ.
You dressed head to toe in leather, him bent over and cuffed to that chair, the sound of your crazy laughter as you paddled his little green behind over and over until it was red and raw, then the sight of you dropping to your knees and pounding away at him with your 'little purple dinosaur' while you sang that dumbass "I love you, you love me" song ....And just what the fuck was with the dogs Barney? The empty jar of peanut butter? All those toys.....Jesus Christ Barney! That is some fucked up shit!
Poor Baby Bop didnt talk for three days! she was completly MORTIFIED! What the hell were you thinking you sick motherfucker! It makes me ill even thinking about the levels of depravity you would stoop to. We have had her in intense councelling sessions since Barney, she may be scarred for life! I hope you are happy you big purple asshole!
Just a tip Barney, you big fucktard, I think you should start rehearsing the last line you will probably ever have to learn if the network exec's EVER get wind of all the sick goings on in your life, and that is: "Would you like fries with that?" or if you are really lucky, "Paper or plastic."
In closing Id like to say that you, Barney, are one twisted, fucked up and sick dinosaur! And for fuck sakes...put on some freakin' pants!
GET HELP Barney, you sick fuck...
NOW!
Sincerly,
Christina
