Dear Barbie,
I've been holding off on writing this letter well because frankly you were one of my childhood icons.
We met when I was at the tender age of 6 and from then until I turned 13 I never looked back.
I spent many hours with you Barbie, combing your pretty long blonde hair, changing you into many different outfits that I had collected just for you, a few my mom had even made to fit your perfect little plastic body.
I took you everywhere with me, I even tried to keep things interesting for you by occationally cutting and coloring your hair, drawing and sticking on small pieces of body art, even getting big huge plastic diamonds to adorn your perfect little rubber ears.
Looking back now I see what a fool I was. You used me Barbie, USED me to further your own selfish means.
You never actaully liked me, I know now that flawless smile on your beautiful face was painted on. You always wanted more Barbie...more more more...Campervans, fur coats, spa baths, pink convertables, dream homes...
What about me Barbie?
You think I didnt want any of these things?
And lets talk about Ken, I mean come on Barbie girl...he was HOT!
Always perfect blond hair, tight ripped bod, we all know what his plastic crotch hump suggested as far as an endowment, and did you notice the size of his hands?...you were one lucky little bitch.
But where you happy with his home-grown vanillla ways?
Was his unique form of hump bumping good enough for you?
Hell no...not you Barbie....you cheap little slut.
Dont think that we dont know what happened on the night you met GI Joe. What seeing him in his uniform did to you. That dark hair, those dark eyes. yes Joe was sexy as hell, and i'd be a liar if i said that the uniform didnt turn me on too.
I felt so bad for poor Ken on that night he walked in on you. Seeing you naked on the bed, clothes pegs fastened on the tips of your unrealistically large breasts. Joe slamming his plastic love tool into you from behind, spanking your prefect little plastic ass, calling you his "Dirty little plastic cock whore"
(hope this an accurate account of that senario Moretti...LOL)
Ken was shattered Barbie, a shell of his former fun loving and hot self. I was really pissed at you Barbie. It was then I decided you needed a drastic new look , and I shaved your head, colored what was left pea green and gave you a Charlie Manson forehead tattoo.
Then when freaky Joe left you for being so nasty and fugly, you went running back into Kens arms. I told him not to take you back, but he stupidly did.
After you and Ken seemed to work everything out, you asked me for a girl friend, someone like you, that you could talk to and trade clothes with. I didnt see the harm in it so I went out and got you one. Her name was Dee Dee.
Soon Dee Dee and you seemed just a little TOO close, and then it happened again. Ken came home one night after work to find you and her 69ing, lapping at eachothers hot plastic humps in the middle of the living room floor. Only this time, Ken had the last laugh.
He sat back and watched you both, his hump getting humpier with each passing minute. Then he alerted you to his presence and it all ended up with him doing Dee Dee hard and fast right there in front of you, not even glancing your way as he did things to her that you've always wanted him to do to you.
We laughed at you later Barbie.
Laughed our mother fuckin' asses off.
When I turned 13 I was ready to retire you Barbie. I was tired of your lying and cheating and manipulating. Your fake plastic smile had worn off, Your once pretty wardrobe was worn and outdated. Your hair was still kinda green and too short to brush or style. Your plastic boobs had started to sag. And not even Dee Dee would touch you anymore, mostly cause she was busy with hers and Kens daughter Skipper.
Yes, they told everyone it was your sister, but we knew the truth didnt we Barbie?
I packed you up and shipped you off to come other unsuspecting little girl, I almost feel bad about that Barbie, but im hoping you will recognize that you have another chance. Dont fuck this one up!
So in closing, Id like to say that even though I hope you rot in hell you lying, cheating, skanky little plastic whore...I do have a few fond memories of our time together.
Sincerly,
Christina
PS...recently they have come out with many different versions of you Barbie...maybe if I had had these to choose from as a girl...things would have turned out differently for us.
