easily amused's blog: "just about me "

i loved him with my heart and soul,i would have laid down my life for him. that was a year ago. then life changed.he changed he became abusive . after 7 years he changed so much it wasnt funny all at once.i dont know what happend. what snapped in his mind i  just dont know. he just changed. then he cheated and i dont mean online cheating he actually lied to me and spent a night with another woman. i tossed him out.  but i was stupid and missed him  so i let him come back. i should have know better he made my life hell, he contined to cheat let the other woman harrass me daily, she got me fired from my job for harrasing me, making false claims against me ect. she would post things on fb on my page as different people . would make fake accounts in my name his name and any crazy name she could come up with. and would harrass me from them. but turned it around so it was me doing these things in his eyes. she called the state several times and reported me for neglect and abuse of my  child none of wich is true. but she on the other hand had her kids taken from her many times for neglect. how do i know this  well it is his ex wife that cheated on him 20 years ago. he had one child with her and  the second child  she claims is his ,he always said was her second husbands and a prodoct of her cheating. his whole family said the same thing. 

well  my life is in upheavel again . i am sick. i have to start chemo nect week. i wont see my daughter grow up. my daughter is acting out  the man that raised her for 7 years wants nothing to do with her.she sees me  sick all the time, her best friend is dying in the hospital for 3 months. my x is posting he will be homeless because she  is tossing him out again. his sisterinlaw wanted me to help him  i was going to. till i got a nasty email from his brother  then i washed my hands of it.  well that prompted  the revenge again . he has no clue what is going on in my life. who i am with  or what i do. well the idiot called the state again this time saying i am a drug abuser,i leave my daughter home alone all the time,i abuse her  and neglect her. all of wich is far far from any type of reality. my daughter is never alone more than an hour, and if she is she is 13 what is the big deal and she has never been alone overnight. if i am not comming home she is with me. drugs?? wow i dont even want to take what the precriptions they give me, but smokeing pot ummm nope not in 15 years. let them do the hair folicle test they wont find a thing. neglect, well money is tight, she doesnt have the latest i pad or desigenr clothing but she has what she needs. abuse, she gets yelled at all the time she is a teenager duh! 

i havent even told my best freinds whos daughter is dying that i am sick. i try to hide it from them. they dont need to know. i am going through this alone. i have no one in my life i can fall back on at this point  no one to hold my hand. do i blame  my x yes is do he did this to me . i hate him more than anyone should ever hate anyone. he changed from a loving caring  would help anyone person that everyone loved for  6 years to a lier cheater and theif. stealing money from his fellow fire fighteres, and his ems patients. he became abusive and beat me.  he let that woman harras me and tourtutr me , make me lose my job ect. i did nothing to deserve any of this.i took care of him his son provided a home for him(i own my home he only had to pay utility bills wich he didnt eve do that) he always had home cooked meals, clean clothing and did nothing around the home to maintain it. i did the inside of the house my daughter did the outside.he sat on his ass barking orders. 

after all of this i am the bad person i am the one  dying alone and whos child will end up in the system because we have no family and he is worried about being homeless and getting even with me. because i did this to him!!!!! i hate him i really do

well as of last week i was told i need to get everything in order by my dr. i still need to go through extencive testing and some treatment but will it really help, no. i have to deal with it i have to deal with the fact that my daughter will grow up without me, i wont see her graduate, we wont have the mother daughter moments of bonding over ice cream and cookie dough with her first broken heart, i wont get to see her get married, none of this. it is sad to say her own father wants nothing to do with her  and has no clue how to deal with her anyway.

i had arrangments made  a while ago that my x would take care of her if anything happend. he looked her in the eye when we broke up and told her he would never leave her and he would always be there for her . well he proved every word out of his mouth to be a lie. even with her.  so i switched things around and made my best friends  her gaurdians. they love her like their own,already have 2 daughters,they would get my house because it goes with  my daughter. well that fell through because their daughter got sick and needs a liver and kidney transplant. i cant burdon them with  more problems, i havent even told them i am sick yet . so what to do. the other very good friends i have would be a great choice. they had 2 boys both of wich are grown. they always longed for a girl.i have known the husband since  highschool, he is the chief of the fd. funny thing is he used to be her fathers best friend in hs. so to sit down with them and have a talk wow thats going to be hard i am going to have to admit why .

she is only 12 i dont want to leave her.i dont want her to watch me waste away alone. i have no family just her.i am at the very begining of this. as time goes on i am going to get weak and wont be able to function. my poor baby has to watch this. i cant  give her waht she needs or wants. i can only try to  spend as much time with her as i can while i feel ok still.

as my journey goes on i will update from time to time. when i can. god bless you all

i found out that my x is homeless. he left me to go back to his ex wife that took his kids from him when they were young so he could never see them, put him in jail, made him homeless 20 years ago. she did nothing but harras me and tourture me and denied it all to his face  telling him it was me doing it to her. wow she is a born again hypocrit. she begged him and lied to him telling him they could be the family he always wanted and be with their kids(by the way they are adults now and still live with her and never contacted him because she wouldnt let them) he destroyed everything we had just to be with his kids. started making me think i was crazy. well i was proved right. his former friends all took my side. they helped me through all the crap. they truely are like family to me. they are worried about him. . last night i had coffee with his best friend.(yes he still considers you a friend) this man has had his own daughter on life support for a month. but is still worried about my x and wants to help him. the other guys at the fd  feel the same way. but he needs to get  mental health help for his anger ,lies and alternat reality of everyone else. we all feel bad watching a person we all loved and respected be nothing. his job is on edge .from what we understand there has been complaints about him, i had a letter from the i r s show up  at my home  i did a moved and put her address on it. he never got his things so i sold them to make up for the bills he left. she reduced him to nothing again in a matter of 5 months. after i took 7 years to build him up.supported all his choices. put up with his games,lies and cheating.  she destroyed all of  his good  and people that realy and trueley  do love him had to sit back and watch. but he has to live and learn. as i said  i told you she was no good. but you didnt listen . now who is right. i still have my home my job,my friends. what  do you have?

i have gone through some rough shit in the past few months with my x cheating lying stealing  and beating on me it is all small compared to what my friends are going through watching their daughter waste to nothing in a ho.pital because she had a liver transplant and her body is rejecting it.i have been babysitting their grand son and keeping their home in order for them. it has been hard but they are my friends and i am more than glad to do it. 

i have been involved with the vfd  for a few years because of my x and they are a great bunch of guys. today they came and did a whole yard clean up at my friends home planted flowers and made it look wonderful for them. they all were glad to see me. i had been avoiding them  because my x stole from them and got kicked out of the fd. even thought i was told by the chief personally i am and always will be part of the family i never believed it till today. i was greeted with hugs and kisses  by them.a lot of we missed you and just general care from them . one of the Lt sat down with me and told me the long story of what my x did.i am ashamed  for him. he lied so much to me it wasn't even funny. he is lying to his new gf now. i told them how much debt the x left for me to recoup , my missing jewelry,ect. well my ex did not take anything but to garbage bags of clothing after 7 yrs he has a lot of shit in my home still. so the guys offered to buy most of his tools and collectibles to help me recoup some of the money. they are also sending a work party to my home to clean my yard out  set up  the pool and do some repairs that are needed. i was in tears when i was told this.they feel because i give so much to help everyone and dont ask for anything in return  that this is the least they can do.

my x and his gf have called me crazy and a lier,evil ,the devil ,lazy , they have gone as far as to  try to get my child taken from me. they have tried to tell people i stalk them sit outside their home follow him at work ect. people that know me know better. i just cant be bothered,dont have the time to do  what they say i do and just don't care what they do. today it was proved that i am n.ot the bad guy.they have gotten emails from my x saying nasty things about me and they all new better but were afraid  to come to me directly. today was the chance  they had.i felt loved i felt respected.i was humbled.i cried. but they made me feel better when they started with the wise cracks about my x i know it was bad but i needed the laugh. i love those guys with all of my heart and i truly believe they are family to me. thank you lhfd........my true friends and family

Dear Bryan,(emt4u,redneck emt ,and whatever cute name you want to go by)

you try to make me look crazy. like a stalker ect. far from it when i have you blocked .but you are getting quite the name for yourself on here. are you going for the creeper of the decade award? the women are catching on. you are sick and need help. you really need intensive counseling. everything you always said you arnt is what you are. you are a user ,abuser,liar and creep. you have learned how to tell women what they want to hear. and make all of your exs sound crazy. i am one so is etura and even danielle. you cheated so many times and lie so much you dont have any grasp of reality. you just leave broken hearts and shattered dreams in your wake. you will never be happy or satisfied. when life gets hard you run up the bills and leave. you havent had a steady job in years, for some reason you get fired from all of them. real men dont cheat they fix what is broken . you run. your reputation is crap. you had friends that loved you and you destroyed it. you push people away when they are to close because they start seeing that you are  nothing.but you blame everyone else  for your problems instead of looking inward to the root of your problems,you say it is your mothers fault ,your fathers fault,garys fault,danielles fault eturas fault, my fault. when will you admit it is your fault?

get help dude you need it check in and do intensive therapy in a psych ward.stop playing women and living off of them . you are 41 years old no car no home no job. and it is everyone else's fault. do i love you yup i do, i love the person you hide.right now you make me sick.you will die alone.homeless and broken . just get help is all i ask.

i just need to vent. i was a member of fubar years ago when it was cherry tap and went through the name change.i left when i thought i met the man of my dreams. he was handsome, had charm, treated me well.treated my child well. my family loved him, my friends liked him, he made friends in my area quickly. wel l it was all going well for a few years. he had his on line indiscretions, he would get caught and we would fight. they were few and far between in the beginning but it got worse and worse till he actually cheated with not one but several women. he left and moved in with one, cheated on her with another and still kept up his online looking. like an ass i took him back when his life was falling apart. but i could not forgive him  and his behavior just got worse and worse. the fights were daily, he got physical with me hitting me strangling me,verbal abuse, his gf was attacking me creating fake accounts to harass me,trying to break me down. it was starting to work till i realized that i don't need the crap. they deserve each other .

now he has no real job last i have heard he is couch hopping, wears out his welcome with friends,tells his gf one thing but does another. its lie after lie, he is out of control it is sad.he has lost all of his friends around my, he has stole from them got kicked out of the fd for stealing , they in turn have reported him to the state board  with the findings they have and the video. now all of his certifications will be pulled. he works in an area that he needs his certifications to work. but having a theft charge against you ,and domestic violence, will make you lose that. then he will never be able to work in either field again. i don't know what happened his former best friend has no clue what snapped in his head. we all watched him spiral out of control none of us could stop it.

he has told people i have lied about him and his son, no i didn't  people witnessed first had what has happened, he wanted me to tell everyone i lied , how could i do that  when they  know better. as a matter of fact one night he thought he was texting me and his best friend was the one texting him with my phone then he had the balls to tell his former best friend i was harassing him. lol little did he know that was who he was texting while i just sat back and drank my coffee. he to this day denies that ever happened and i harassed him. what ever i don't care . i ended up kicking him out again. he cant harass me this time i was prepared, i have a new cell phone he didn't know about. i pretty much set everything up so i would be ok. this was all done with the help of the friends in the background that while he was busy cheating on me with his gf and cheating on her with everyone ,i had put my life in order was ready to move on. i was even dating  and he didn't have a clue. he was so wrapped up in his life thinking i would do whatever he wanted. boy was he wrong!

honestly i feel for any woman that he gets involved with , i am not the evil bitch that ruined his life. i hate to say he ruined his own life. i am just fine. i still own my home, i still pay my bills, i still have my friends, i have not lied to them. but they did help me get out of a situation  that i needed to. i joined here again just to get away from  the fb drama from his gf and him.  but you know whats funny. he is on here looking for women!!!!! i laughed my ass off when i saw that. so if anyone wants to read my blog and know who he is just msg me i will tell you. i have moved on . i don't need a relationship to make me happy but i am seeing someone. it is nothing serious, i don't want that. the ex does know him. but is not friends with him. we are not out to cause problems. we do not post anything negative about  the ex, like the ex and his gf do to me. it is funny they have used my name called me out tried to antagonize me. all i do is hit print and save all of it.

am i happy, yes , yes i am. am i sad, yes to that to . the man i fell in love with is lost  he died someplace inside the shell that he is now. am i bitter ,nope not one bit . i have grown and learned. and for that i have to thank him