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well as of last week i was told i need to get everything in order by my dr. i still need to go through extencive testing and some treatment but will it really help, no. i have to deal with it i have to deal with the fact that my daughter will grow up without me, i wont see her graduate, we wont have the mother daughter moments of bonding over ice cream and cookie dough with her first broken heart, i wont get to see her get married, none of this. it is sad to say her own father wants nothing to do with her and has no clue how to deal with her anyway.
i had arrangments made a while ago that my x would take care of her if anything happend. he looked her in the eye when we broke up and told her he would never leave her and he would always be there for her . well he proved every word out of his mouth to be a lie. even with her. so i switched things around and made my best friends her gaurdians. they love her like their own,already have 2 daughters,they would get my house because it goes with my daughter. well that fell through because their daughter got sick and needs a liver and kidney transplant. i cant burdon them with more problems, i havent even told them i am sick yet . so what to do. the other very good friends i have would be a great choice. they had 2 boys both of wich are grown. they always longed for a girl.i have known the husband since highschool, he is the chief of the fd. funny thing is he used to be her fathers best friend in hs. so to sit down with them and have a talk wow thats going to be hard i am going to have to admit why .
she is only 12 i dont want to leave her.i dont want her to watch me waste away alone. i have no family just her.i am at the very begining of this. as time goes on i am going to get weak and wont be able to function. my poor baby has to watch this. i cant give her waht she needs or wants. i can only try to spend as much time with her as i can while i feel ok still.
as my journey goes on i will update from time to time. when i can. god bless you all
