Identifying "Players" And Red Flags
>Note: Too often I meet smart and
savvy women who get "played" by a man who SEEMS
like a great guy because the chemistry is there.
He charms you, you get close and physical... but
then he stops calling and you never see him again.
Don't fall into this trap. If you want to learn
more about how to spot the men who are more into
the CONQUEST than a real, quality relationship,
read Chapter 2 of my eBook "Catch Him & Keep Him."
You can download it now right here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/e/12833/eBook/?cid=ZZVQNZ&lid=1&ll=1
Have you ever been mixed up with a "Player"?
One that seemed like a great guy at first, but
turned out to be a complete and utter jerk?
Unfortunately, if you're like lots of women I
know, then at some point you dated a guy who
seemed great, but you didn't figure out what he
was really about until it was too late.
And you had already become emotionally and
physically involved with a guy who wasn't really
in it with you for the right reasons.
He just wanted to "hook up" and play around.
How come these awful and painful situations
happen to so many women over and over?
Is it because men can be such jerks?
Or is there a way a woman can learn to
spot some of the "red flags" in a man before
she gets too involved?
Let me answer those questions by first talking
about what a Player is, why he he's not into
anything "real"... and how to avoid getting
"lured in" by these kinds of men in the first
place...
HOW PLAYERS HOOK YOU IN
The scenario with a Player usually goes a
little something like this:
You're out with your girlfriends and you
spot a really attractive guy checking you out
from across the room.
You both make eye contact and he heads over
to you and he immediately says something like:
"I usually don't this, but you're the most
beautiful woman I've seen in a long time, and I
just HAD to talk to you."
He may offer to buy you a drink. He may say
something funny or sarcastic.
And you're disarmed by his looks, his
confidence and charm, and in the back of your
mind you wonder if he's a little too good to
be true.
You know you should hold back a little and
you wonder who this guy REALLY IS, but you just
can't seem to help yourself...
Next thing you know, you feel that rush of
excitement and anticipation the more you talk
and laugh together, and by the end of the evening
he may even casually ask if he can come over and
"hang out" a bit longer with you.
Or just grab a drink and keep "talking".
You hardly hesitate before saying yes.
In your mind, inviting him back to your place
seems completely OK... even though you're NOT
the kind of woman who does this sort of thing
when you first meet a man.
But you're SURE that there's something
DIFFERENT about this guy. And he assures you that
he's a "good" guy and he's really into you - at
least indirectly.
Which makes it O.K. Why shouldn't you enjoy
the moment with this great guy you've just met?
And before you know it, you're back at his
place or yours, and things get physical and you
spend the night together.
But then it happens...
The next morning he seems a little different.
He's not so chatty and curious about you.
He's actually kind of quiet and withdrawn...
and you start getting that "gut feeling" that
you may have made a TERRIBLE MISTAKE.
As he leaves he tells you that he'll
DEFINITELY call you.
You want to believe him, but either he never
calls you... or after a couple of random e-mails
or calls or text messages, he stops calling
altogether.
And it dawns on you...
This guy wasn't DIFFERENT.
He wasn't SPECIAL.
And he certainly wasn't going to be the
love of your life.
This guy is a PLAYER!
You're so mad and embarrassed that you've
been played AGAIN, it almost makes you want
to give up on love altogether.
Lots of women in this situation become
understandably frustrated, upset, and end up
feeling and acting a little "weird" around men
they meet after this happens.
Part of this is of course because, at a deeper
level, they've lost TRUST in men.
Don't let what you don't know, and what you
haven't been able to identify in men before when
you've "dated" keep from allowing a great
relationship to start and grow with the RIGHT
MAN.
Learn what you need to know to truly understand
how men think, and quickly separate the great
guys from the toads. That way... you won't have
to kiss any more frogs.
Here's the best place to get started:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/e/12833/eBook/?cid=ZZVQNZ&lid=2&ll=1
Unfortunately, some women let the bad
experiences of the past with the WRONG MEN get
in the way of things when the RIGHT MAN is
right in front of them.
Don't let this happen to you.
To move past the "inner stuff" that's holding
you back in your life, I'd strongly recommend
that you read THIS:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/e/12833/ReadyForLove/?cid=ZZVQNZ&lid=3&ll=1
WHY MEN ACT LIKE PLAYERS AND ENJOY "THE GAME"
The SAD TRUTH is that some men view picking
up women as a sort of game.
They talk and brag about women with other men
and describe the way they meet and attract women,
all to make themselves feel more significant and
attractive or powerful as a man.
In some male circles, this can even be a sign
of status and power.
Of course, this external "power" doesn't have
any real meaning, and it's an immature way for a man
to feel better about himself and try and connect
to the world.
But in reality, the Mr. Perfect Player DOESN'T
have the confidence and inner-strength you thought
he did at first.
His "great job" is really a way for him to
make money to try and raise his self-esteem
(even though money can't).
And his air of confidence is part of the
persona he puts on to try and get women interested
in him and fill his bed (instead of his heart
and his mind).
So why do men like this do it?
Why do Players seem to lie, and how they can
be so cruel, detached, and selfish?
Are they completely sick and twisted
individuals?
Or do these "bad boys" have more in common
with your everyday male than you might care to
know?
After years of studying this whole area, and
quite honestly, being a guy who "played around"
in my younger past... I've found that there are
THREE types of Players:
Player Type #1) The "Ego-Driven" Player
These are the guys who want or need attention
from multiple women because it feeds their ego
and makes them feel better about themselves. They
aren't necessarily bad guys, and often develop
deep connections with the women they're with...
but they're shameless flirts that usually don' t
know any better than to live their lives seeking
approval and validation from lots of women. And
the affection of a woman and sex is their ultimate
form of getting approval. You'll find these guys
constantly in and out of short "relationships",
but never making any of them work out... because
it's really all about them.
Player Type #2) The "Social" Player:
These are the guys who make a career out of
learning how to pick up women and it becomes
their favorite evening pastime. They're in it for
more of the challenge and experience than they
are for the actual "connection" with the women
they meet. You'll find them out partying all the
time, always going somewhere, always having a
woman to call, and never spending a night home
alone. These are the types who rarely, if ever,
have real girlfriends and relationships.
Player Type #3) The "Intimate" Player:
These guys are seeking something purely physical
from a woman, and don't have much else on their
mind... but they mask it by being very friendly
and loving when they're in the company of a woman.
But it isn't really love for them. They're often
the most sensual and artistic types, and charm
women with their ability to be in touch with their
feelings and their ability to make a woman
comfortable with intimate contact soon after they
meet. You'll find these guys dating lots of women
at one time and feeling no need to "commit," nor
seeing a reason to. They're very open one night,
and casual and detached the next.
Do any of these jog your memory?
I think every woman has met at least one or
two of these guys.
So why do intelligent, attractive and exciting
women fall for jerks like these who are obviously
out for themselves?
And why is it hard for some women to see the
signs of a Player coming before getting involved
with one?
WHY WOMEN FALL FOR PLAYERS
There's one word that answers why women so
easily fall for the lines and find themselves
getting duped by these kind of men:
CHEMISTRY.
You could also call this "Connection".
Here's something you should know, that I
find FASCINATING...
Oftentimes, the men who AREN'T very caring,
generous, patient, polite, considerate, etc., end
up attracting women with their not-so-sweet and
charming ways.
I'm sure you've seen this with way too many
of your girlfriends.
And maybe even with yourself.
Why?
Well, the short explanation is this-
Attraction Secret #1: What makes a man attractive
to a woman, and creates that magic and intense
"spark" of chemistry, has NOTHING to do with
whether or not a man would make a great LONG-TERM PARTNER.
In other words... just because you can "feel
it" with a man and share an intense level of
Physical Attraction, it doesn't mean that you also
share what will make you great partners in a
loving relationship.
For a man, Physical Attraction has very little
to do with his "Emotional Brain."
A man can feel INTENSE Physical Attraction
for a woman, and have an amazing connection with
her... but experience little or no desire to get
into a deeper relationship.
This is where tons of women make a huge
mistake that guarantees they have an impossible
time getting to know a man, and seeing if he's
real "relationship material" from the start.
In my eBook "Catch Him & Keep Him" I talk
about The Danger Of A Connection with a man, and
how it can make a woman think a man shares
something special with them... when for him it's
nothing more than a few great nights.
If you know about how the Danger of A
Connection works, and the signals men send out
largely on accident when they are with a woman
who they don't have any intention of getting to
know better and becoming involved with... then
it can start to become easy to separate the men
who are worth your time... and those who aren't.
To learn all about The Danger Of A Connection
with a man... and start quickly identifying the
right men for you and helping them recognize and
appreciate you as the kind of woman who's real
"relationship material," you need to check out my
eBook.
Go download your copy and start reading it
right here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/e/12833/eBook/?cid=ZZVQNZ&lid=4&ll=1
Attraction Secret #2: Not only does having
"chemistry" with a man have nothing to do with
whether he'd make a great partner... but the
kinds of qualities that can make you FEEL
ATTRACTED to a man can even be the very ones
that make for a BAD PARTNER.
Fascinating.
I want you to think about this.
The very nature of the "bad" qualities that
a man has can be the very things that make you
feel ATTRACTION to him.
Of course, whenever women first hear me
say this, they roll their eyes and say, "No way.
That's ridiculous!"
These are usually the women who are THE MOST
GUILTY of being attracted to the wrong men -
because they're completely UNCONSCIOUS of the
deeper "triggers" of attraction going on underneath
the surface.
Let me give you an example with one of my
very favorite qualities that adds to attraction-
UNPREDICTABILITY.
There's a funny trick our mind plays on us
all the time, every day, which has to do with
things that are predictable and unpredictable.
Since our minds have to process so much
information, it often creates "shortcuts" and
groups the predictable behavior into one lump
category, which are things that end up unnoticed
and are hard to remember in hindsight...
But UNpredictable behavior makes us our minds
instantly take notice and whole set of intense
feelings and emotions are triggered inside us.
Imagine how you would feel, for example, if
you witnessed an airplane crash on your typical,
boring drive to work tomorrow morning. Would
that be difficult to recall later?
I'm guessing you would probably relive that
incident the entire day, and remember it for the
rest of your life.
Unpredictable events often bring about feelings
of excitement, danger, anticipation, curiosity,
etc.
And guess what?
These are some of the same feelings we
experience when we experience ATTRACTION and LOVE.
So here's where lots of women run into trouble
in their love-lives...
What makes Players and Bad Boys intriguing and
often exciting to be around has NOTHING to do
with whether they'd make a good mate or partner.
They just act in a way that makes them SEEM
exciting or different.
And in case that wasn't strange or frustrating
enough for you, here's some more bad news...
While these Players are wasting your time with
their phony lines and empty promises, the men who
ARE actually looking for a deeper connection or
relationship are standing alone because they often
AREN'T as skilled or experienced at creating an
initial connection with a woman the way a Player
is.
They don't know much about how to make a
woman "feel it" when they first meet them...
so they don't get noticed.
They seem like "nice guys".
In other words, the "average" guy who still
could be as loving, caring, fun and exciting as
any other man hasn't usually gone out and
practiced his "approach" on a hundred women like
most lots of Players have.
So he's not going to likely be the one who
makes you feel that intense instant chemistry...
Which puts both him and you at a disadvantage.
HOW TO DEAL WITH PLAYERS
So... now that I've explained who the Players
are and why they do it, you may be wondering,
"How can I tell a Player from a Good Guy
who just happens to be attractive and likes to do
fun, exciting, unpredictable stuff?"
And...
"How do I filter out the Players without
becoming a jaded, bitchy woman who second-guesses
everything good a man tries to do and say?"
Having to always guess if a man's intentions
are "true" or not is a real pain.
But guess what?
These are the REALITIES of being a MATURE
WOMAN who's seeking a MATURE RELATIONSHIP with
a MATURE MAN.
And guess what else?
Anything besides a MATURE RELATIONSHIP is
going to hurt and disappoint you.
Here's a common mistake women make at this
stage that I want you to avoid at all costs:
A lot of women think that they can "save"
or "convert" a player by simply showing him MORE
love and understanding... because they believe
the guy just hasn't found the right kind of
love with the right woman... and that the
"connection" they share is special and real.
If you care about yourself, and your sanity,
don't kid yourself.
It's a hopeless cause with a man who doesn't
have RELATIONSHIP on his mind..
You need a mature and loving PARTNER, not a
PROJECT.
In fact, if you're serious about finding a
man for a truly loving relationship... then I'd
suggest you find a man who is not only interested
in a relationship, but has done lots of reading
and learning about "relationship" and "relationship
dynamics" on his own.
These are the men who make it easy to share
and grow with.
The truth is that a relationship is only as
good as the people in it.
But if you're like lots of women, that doesn't
stop you from choosing a man just because of the
way he can make you FEEL sometimes when things
are at their best.
Of course, right now you might be thinking,
"Come on, Christian, what's so wrong with
being optimistic? Aren't there always exceptions
to every rule?"
This isn't just a matter of being optimistic,
this is being DELUSIONAL when you're dealing
with a Player.
You can't fix a man, and you can't love and
care enough FOR him to make it work for the both
of you.
If you've ever found yourself "carrying" a
relationship and doing all the "work" yourself,
while the man seems to just keep making the same
mistakes over and over and doesn't grow... then
guess what?
YOU are one of the women living a inside a
pretend-relationship where you'll do anything to
cover up the fact that who the man you're with
really is isn't working for you.
Which means... you are playing the role of
"The Fixer" - aka "The Convincer."
And where does that get you?
Nowhere, FAST.
So am I'm saying that players NEVER, EVER
settle down?
No... OCCASIONALLY some Players learn to drop
the hustle and get involved in a serious
relationship.
But it NEVER happens just because a woman, or
ANYONE for that matter, asks him or wants him
to.
It's because he makes his own mind up.
So how do you deal with a guy you suspect
might be "playing" you?
The best tool a woman has against Players is
the POWER of QUESTIONS.
Questions like,
"You're so cute. I'm just curious, are you
involved with anyone right now?"
Or...
"What kind of experience are you looking for
with a woman at this point in your life?"
Or... if a man has asked you out, you might
be a little playful with him and ask:
"So why did you ask me out?"
If the man you ask questions to is a genuinely
"Good Guy," he'll answer and address your
questions and doubts with mature responses.
And he'll probably tell you some fascinating
and revealing things about himself. Especially
if you ask and listen in a way that seems simply
fun and curious - not leading and judgmental.
And here's the fascinating part... he'll do
this even if you've had other men act weird or
freak out when you asked these same questions.
Crazy, huh?
A Good Guy might even turn your questions
into FUN and FLIRTATIOUS opportunities for
connection and growth point between you two.
Of course, an immature man, or a man who
doesn't have his act together for a relationship,
will get pretty irritated or thrown off by these
kinds of questions.
By learning how and when to ask the right
questions, women are use to having those
frustrating "repeat relationships" that go nowhere
learn how to get to the heart of the matter and
recognize a Good Guy from a Player... and create
a loving relationship that works with the right
man.
In my e-book I describe several ways to ask
a man the important and necessary questions that
will show you exactly what kind of man he really
is, and what kind of partner he'll be in the
future.
The strangest part about this is that it can
actually make him feel MORE ATTRACTED, connected
and IN LOVE with you than he did before... AND
tell you if he's a Player or not.
Most women just don't know these secrets to
communicating with men, so they end up pushing
men away or frustrating men with their
questions, without ever knowing how or why.
I've dedicated an the entire third section of
my book to some of these very issues and challenges
of communicating with men when dating and starting
a new relationship.
Don't let "the talk" become the point at
which the great thing you had going with a guy
came unraveled.
Chapter 9 in my book covers the communication
secrets that will "naturally" help a man and a
woman move from the "casual" dating thing to a
loving and committed relationship, while avoiding
all the struggle and resistance that lots of other
women come up against.
You'll learn a step-by-step method for
communicating with a man that will get him
interested and excited about talking about his
feelings for you and the future together.
You won't ever have to feel "guilty" about
asking for what YOU want from the relationship,
or fearing that talking to him will scare him
away from wanting anything "deeper" with you.
And for the skeptic or the analytical woman
in you that needs the facts and proof on how and
why these communications secrets work, and the
psychology and science behind them, check out
these two Chapters for starters:
Chapter 1: Inside The Mind Of A Man
Chapter 7: The "Emotional Gap"... How Men And
Women Are Different And What To Do About It
You won't be disappointed.
I'm so certain that my eBook is going to help
you, that I'm willing to do something kind of
"crazy."
I'll let you download the book and read it
for free.
If it doesn't help you quickly take your love
life to the next level, then simply let me know
and you won't ever be charged.
Period. End of story. No questions asked, and
you can go ahead and keep the book anyways as my
gift to you.
There's really nothing to lose here.
Except for the chance to learn, grow, and
create the close and loving relationship you
know is possible with the right man.
So put yourself and your love life on the
right track and read my eBook. You can download
it and be reading in just a minute or two by
going here right now:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/e/12833/eBook/?cid=ZZVQNZ&lid=5&ll=1
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
