Well, today was one of those days that you hear everyone talk about. It started out a regular crappy day. Of course, I was still feeling bad over the "loosing the love of my life" thing. It was an average day, nothing exciting or dramatic happened. I was still slumped in a mess when a friend of mine got ahold of me. It was some of the things he was saying that opened my eyes. I had an epiphany. I am not going to let this pot-hole in the road ruin my life. I have my family, I have my friends and I have someone I met here while back that has taught me so much about myself, its unreal. I have learned that I am stronger then what I give myself credit for. I have learned that yea, happily ever afters aint real, but thats okay. Life is what you make of it. I am young, I have a beautiful healthy son, I keep hearing I am cute, What more could a girl want?
Sure, I miss him, sure I still cry, sure, I am lonely, Sure it feels as though I am never going to find anyone out there for me... but you know what? I am strong, I am a trooper. I dont need anyone here by my side anymore. I am going to thrive alone... not just survive, but thrive! Dont get me wrong, its great having someone to come home to, somone to curl up in the bed with, someone to make earth shattering, passonate love with, but right now that's not important. What is important, is my son and me. I need to focus on me and my boy. He is my sunshine, he deserves me to be at the top of my game, not a miserable weeping mess. I need to sort out who I am and my needs before I even think about love and all that sappy mess that comes with it. Someone very wise told me today, Love is supposed to be easy Dolly, You aint supposed to turn cart wheels and contort in order for things to work out. If it is meant to be it will be. I dont know how true that is but hey, it sounds alot better then what I have been dealing with thus far. I am learning to take one day at at time, and stop sweating the small stuff. I could die tomorrow and would not be able to be at peace because there is so much I have left undone on this Godforsaken planet. I need to stop worrying about what I have lost and start to focus on what I have gained. I have self respect, pride, and independence. I can do this, I WILL do this. I DO NOT need someone anymore.
