JUST ME MELANIE's blog: "WHO AM I?"

Just as I am finally able to travel and see my son, (as most know, it has been a month without any word from him and i am very worried) my truck dies 60 miles outside of town. Living on disability means I NEVER have any extra funds for any emergencies, holidays, unexpected expenses, etc and now this. Not only do I have to figure out how to get to my truck but i have to try and sell something to pay for the repairs.
The constant struggle and drama of my life is sure getting old and i am so very tired most days. But....i have still not smoked a single cigarette for 28 days now even as i am not sure why i should want to prolong this constant struggle and drama. lol Most of you hear about them daily...would you want this life?
My emotions are a constant roller coaster. Most days and nights i do not know if i should be laughing or crying at the irony of my life. Isn't there suppose to be fun, pleasure, joy, and relaxation sometimes? i have a great sense of humor but right now it is simply not working for me. And, i refuse to utter the words, what more could go wrong or happen, since we all know that jinxes things and. Lord knows, i do not need any of that!!
I have never had to beg before for myself (i have for my children)but i need help this time. I have always earned my own way no matter how hard it has been but this time i am asking for any small donation anyone might feel compelled to give to my gofundme acct.

http://www.gofundme.com/czjp30

i struggle with self-esteem enough that this is so damned hard for me so, please, please, please, if you cannot be positive, simply ignore this and me...i am afraid it would take very little for me to give up the life long fight for survival i face every single day. Those that want to criticize and call me names, please know i have heard them all...my favorite is poor, white, trailer trash (never lived in a trailer..lol) i have been criticized many times but, just so everyone knows, my disability is severe, manic depression so one word could send me off the deep in...this is why i never have asked for help....i am afraid of the response i may get. Please don't hurt my heart, it is all i have to hold onto.
Most days i want to die and most days i don't want to die...it is a horrible feeling to have to live with.
For those that support me, thank you so much. I cry tears of comfort and joy for those people, i need more of them in my life. If you cannot help then please just pray that my constant struggle and drama will ease soon. I have about had enough now.

Thank you for reading this.