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What are you waiting for?
On the 18th of this mnth. I am taking a 103 day journey. I dont know what i will find on this journey or what will happen while i am on this journey.
I know what i have yo do and what to look for. But will i find everything i need to find. 103 days really isnt that long is it. I wont be in contact whit anyone i know. I wont have no one to talk to. I will be by myself. Like alone in the woods fending for my self. I am supposed to find myself in the 103 days. And to do this at this time of year. Its gonna be cold but i can do it. I been told i am crazy for doing this. I am not crazy. Whats crazy is sitting here aging away in this depression. Thats crazy!!! If something happens to me while i am out there. Then sobe it. It will be gods way and i cant change his order. You see our lives are written befor us. We accept that life that god has laid befor us. The world has been around for billions of years. We are just a tiny speck in that time. Life really is too short. Think about it billions of years compared to what many 83 years if your lucky. Just a moment in time is all we become. So if the fateful day does happen during my journey. Just know that i am no longer depressed i no longer carry the pain that made me hurt all them years. nothing can make me sad i no longer cry, I hope i can find what it is to feel what it is to feel feelings, and to feel what love feels like. To be wanted to be valued respected. so if and when i return from this journey. i will be a different person. 103 days and not see or to speak to any living human will be a challenge in its self....on the day i leave. i am just leaving a note. no one knows i am doing this. if they did they would tryto stop me. No one understands why i am doing this. I have to thats why. You need to see how it would be if i was gone. Then and only then You will come to grips with how much you took my kindness for weakness. And how much you rely on me. Yeah its not fair but neither is life. When i return there is going to be people happy to see me. along with people who arent going to like the person i will become. My depression will no longer be a factor in my life my drug addiction will no longer be a habbit. I will have become one with myslef and nature. the way my life was intended to be. so wish me luck.
