crazy69bitch's blog: "Funny"

WHAT IS RACISM You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You call me "Whiteboy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" and that's OK. But when I call you, nigger, Kike, Towelhead, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink you call me a racist. You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, so why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live? You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You have Yom Hashoah You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi You have the NAACP. You have BET. If we had WET(White Entertainment Television) we'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day you would call us racists. If we had white history month, we'd be racists. If we had an organization for only whites to "advance" our lives, we'd be racists. If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships, you know we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US, yet if there were "White colleges" that would be a racist college. In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching for your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, you would call us racists. You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride, you call us racists. You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running from the law and posing a threat to society, you call him a racist. I am proud. But, you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists? There is nothing improper about this email. Let's see which of you are proud enough to forward it.

Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way. 1. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days. 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one 1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have n o idea what mauve is. 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really. 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; < B> But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. What do you think about these rules Bella...???

What a Boyfriend Should know and a Girlfriend SHOULD do Guys:Put your hands around her waist firmly girls: lay your headback on his shoulder and put your arms on his. Guys:whisper in her ear Girls: giggle Girls:whenever he tries to kiss you, don't just let him, kiss him back.... Girls: When you want to cuddle with him, tell him you're cold Guys: automatically move closer to her. (if your stupid then you'll either say "me too" or you'll give her your jacket... don't) Girls: During a movie, if he puts his arm around you, tilt your head on his shoulder Guys: lift her chin up and kiss her. Guys: When she tells you she loves you, look deep into her eyes, give her a peck on the lips, and tell her you love her too... and mean it. Girls:When you're both laying under the stars, put yourhead on his chest and close your eyes as you listen to his steady heart beat Guys: whisper in her ear and link your hands with hers. Now make a wish about something you would like to happen between you and your crush.... * ** *** **** ***** *********** ********** ********* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** * * ** *** **** ***** ****** ******* ******** ********* ********** *********** ************ ******************* ****************** ***************** **************** *************** ************** ************* ************ *********** ********** ********* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** * * ** *** **** ! ***** ****** ******* ******** ********* ********** *********** ************ ************* ************** *************** **************** **************** ****************** ******************* ******************** ********************* ************ *********** ********** ********* ******** ******* *************** ************** ************* ************ *********** ********** ********* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** * * ** *** **** ***** *********** ********** ********* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** * * ** *** **** ***** ****** ******* ******** ********* ********** *********** ************ ******************* ****************** ***************** **************** *************** ************** ************* ************ *********** ********** ********* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** * * ** *** **** ! ***** ****** ******* ******** ********* ********** *********** ************ ************* ************** *************** **************** **************** ****************** ******************* ******************** ********************* ************ *********** ********** ********* ******** ******* *************** ************** ************* ************ *********** ********** ********* ******** ******* ****** ***** **** *** ** ** ********* STOP!! STOP!! STOP!! STOP!! -now copy and repost this. if you don't you'll have bad relationships for 69 years by 12pm tonight ur 1 true love will realize how much they want you. if you don't repost this, your life (not just love life) will have bad luck forever !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! repost the title "What a BOYFRIEND SHOULD Know and a GIRLFRIEND SHOULD do."

Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off? A: Spitting, swallowing, and gargling. Q: Why did God give women foreheads? A: So you have somewhere to kiss them after they give you a blowjob. Q: Why shouldn't you screw your wife first thing in the morning? A: You've got all day to find something better. Q: What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A: A slut will fuck anybody, a bitch will fuck anybody but you. Q: What's the best way to keep a hard-on? A: Don't fuck with it. Q: Why was the homo fired from his position at the sperm bank? A: He was drinking on the job. Q: Why did God make pussy smell like fish? A: Because he made sperm look loke tartar sauce. Q: What does a Polish girl get on her wedding night that's long & hard? A: A new last name. A truck driver picked up one of those long-haired androgynous types that are so in vogue these days. After about an hour of silence, the hitchhiker said, "Well, aren't you going to ask me?" "Ask you what?" the truck driver replied. "Whether I'm a boy or girl?" "It don't make any difference," answered the trucker. "I'm fucking you anyway." A man and a woman were stranded on a life raft after their boat sank. One morning the woman awoke to find the man holding a knife under his limp prick. "What are you doing?" she gasped. I can't help it," the man said, "I've just got to have something to eat!" "Wait," the woman pleaded. "Let me play with it for a while, then there will be enough for both of us!"

Mowing and Beer On Saturday afternoon, I was sitting in my lawn chair, drinking beer and watching my girlfriend mow the lawn. The neighbor lady from across the street was so outraged that she came over and shouted at me, "You should be hung!" I took a drink from my can of Busch Light, wiped the cold foam from my lips, lifted my darkened Ray Ban sunglasses and stared directly into the eyes of this nosy ass neighbor and then calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass."

“You Know You Are Addicted To The Internet When...” You actually wore a blue ribbon to protest the Communications Decency Act. You kiss your girlfriend's home page. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom. Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them. You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search. You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines. You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop. You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap... and your child in the overhead compartment. All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3. And even your night dreams are in HTML. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue when it happened. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like. All of your friends have an @ in their names. When looking at a page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple. Your dog has its own home page. You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos. You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again. You refer to your age as 3.x. You have commandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore. Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box. Even though you died last week, you've managed to retain OPS on your favorite IRC channel. You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL. You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask. You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom. You laugh at people with 2400baud modems. Your husband tells you he's had the beard for 2 months. You miss more than five meals a week downloading the latest games from Apogee. You start looking for hot HTML addresses in public restrooms. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed. Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your IRC channel. Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed." You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless. You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off. The last girl you picked up was only a jpeg. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet. You forget what year it is. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain. You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited." You turn on your computer and turn off your wife. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat. As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.

“You Know When You Have Had Too Much Coffee When”. You answer the door before people knock. You ski uphill. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and You don't even work there. You can jump-start your car without cables. You don't need a hammer to pound nails. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. People get dizzy just watching you. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. You help your dog chase its tail.

“WHAT WOMEN LOOK FOR IN A MAN” I thought it would be interesting to give you a different point of view this time. And I thought it might be helpful to take you "behind the scenes", and show you what it's like for a woman when she's "looking" for a man. OK, to start with, I have something important to tell you: WOMEN ARE CRAZY. I know, profound. You can write me later and tell me how this new revelation has changed your life. But please calm down, collect yourself, and let me explain. Why do I say that women are "crazy"? Well, BECAUSE THEY ARE, first of all. Lol... No, it's because women do something that SEEMS crazy (especially if you're a man). Women like to SAY ONE THING, but when the time comes around to actually ACT, they do something TOTALLY DIFFERENT. I could go into an essay on why this is, but for the purposes of this discussion, the most important reason has to do with EMOTIONS. Women tend to SAY what they THINK when they're asked a question. But they tend to ACT on their EMOTIONS when an actual SITUATION presents itself. Here's an example: You meet a woman, and get her number. You call her up. She agrees to meet you the next day for a cup of coffee. The next day comes around, and she doesn’t show up. You call her. Something came up, and she just couldn't make it. Ever been there? What happened? (And doesn't it piss you off when women ALWAYS seem to do this? Me too.) Well, what HAPPENED is when you were talking to her on the phone, coffee the next day sounded fine. But when the next day showed up, something else that was more interesting came up, and she didn't FEEL like meeting you anymore. Or maybe she just decided that she DIDN'T FEEL like meeting you when she woke up the next day. Whatever. But it PROBABLY had something to do with her not FEELING the same way anymore. Now, if you're a man, you hear something like this and say, "She lied. She said she would be there, and she didn't show up. She's a liar." Or you say "Women who do this lack integrity." Or even "Women are FLAKY!" Of course, ALL OF THESE ARE TRUE! Lol... no, no, no. Just kidding. Well, I'm not kidding 100%, but I'm kidding. The point that I'm trying to make here is that when a woman says one thing, then does another, she sees that as being perfectly OK, because she's "just following her feelings". But from a MAN'S point of view, if a woman says one thing, then does another, she's either a liar, being flaky, or doesn't have integrity. Here's the point: Women aren't going to change "how they feel" about this topic anytime soon. So us guys are basically left with two main options in a situation like this one: 1) Keep banging our heads against the wall and expecting women to change, and start showing up when they say they will. 2) Learn how to make women FEEL like they want to actually show up for the meeting, so when they wake up the next day, they SHOW UP. Get it? Good. Now let's talk about the REAL topic of this newsletter... WHAT WOMEN LOOK FOR IN A MAN. Of course, in my usual style, I'm going to put an interesting twist on this concept. I'm going to argue that women will SAY that they "look for" one thing, but they actually RESPOND to something completely different. All guys know that women seem to be "naturally" attracted to things like fame, wealth, Brad-Pitt handsomeness, height, etc. But I've now realized something that is actually pretty profound when you REALLY get it. I now believe that women DON'T KNOW what they are ACTUALLY responding to. In other words, these things like money and fame trigger EMOTIONS inside of women. And if you're NOT rich or famous or naturally handsome, you can get the same kinds of responses from women if you learn how to TRIGGER THE SAME EMOTIONS. So, in the end, what women are REALLY "looking for" is a man who triggers their ATTRACTION. Of course, a woman will never SAY this to you. If you ask a woman what she's looking for, she'll say, "I'm looking for a nice, honest guy who is successful and cute". But if she actually MEETS this guy, and he just happens to be a WUSSY who acts needy and clingy, then she's NOT going to be into him. In this case, she won't respond to the guy that she's "looking for" by being attracted to him. And it won't work out. On the other hand, if this same woman meets a guy who ISN'T what she "thinks" that she's "looking for", but he triggers her ATTRACTION EMOTION, then it's all over. It DOESN'T MATTER if he's rich or handsome, because he's done something that TRUMPS these things. It has taken me a long time to actually get to the point where I BELIEVE this at a deep level. And the REASON I believe it is because I've never been the type of guy that women "approach". I have friends that are tall and handsome... and when we go out, women start conversations with them. Before I learned what I know now, women never felt that powerful, GUT LEVEL ATTRACTION for me that they do for my taller, handsome friends. But NOW, now that I know how to use my body language and other communication to trigger the EMOTIONS in a woman, it's COMPLETELY different. I get responses from women that I actually considered IMPOSSIBLE before. And it's not because I grew 5 inches or became more handsome. It's because I KNOW SOMETHING that most guys just don't know. As you've read in these newsletters, there are certain techniques, like being Cocky & Funny, teasing women, never acting like a Wussy, etc. that will help you be successful as well. Use them. Use what you learn. There's a BIG difference between what women are "looking for" and what they RESPOND TO. Don't let anyone tell you any different. AND, if you're reading this right now, and you're saying to yourself "OK, it's time that I stopped wasting time screwing around, and I GOT MY BUTT IN GEAR and learned how to meet women", then you need to do yourself a HUGE favor. You need to TAKE ACTION, and get yourself a copy of my Advanced Dating Techniques program. It's taken me about FIVE YEARS to find, test, and develop the concepts that I teach in this program... and I guarantee that it will forever change the way you view the topic of women and dating. More importantly, it will help you walk out your front door, and meet more attractive women starting IMMEDIATELY. And I'm not kidding. When you get it, you'll be stunned. You'll probably lock yourself in your house for three days and listen to the whole thing. But when you finally unlock your door, and walk back out into the world, your interactions with women will be VERY different. I think I've said enough. Go read all about it, and check out the free audio and video samples here: http://rotational-mails.c.topica.com/maac3lqabc8Jqch5K26b/?token2=10847 And if you haven't downloaded your copy of my original rebook "Double Your Dating", then you need to do that immediately. It's the introduction to all of my concepts, and it's the perfect primer to get you ready for my Advanced Dating Techniques program. Details and free samples are here: http://rotational-mails.c.topica.com/maac3lqabc8Jrch5K26b/?token2=10847 And I'll talk to you again soon.

“What Does It Taste Like” A teacher was working with a group of children, trying to broaden their horizons through sensory exploration. With their eyes closed, they would feel objects from pumice stones to pine cones and smell aromatic herbs and exotic fruits. One day, the teacher brought in a great variety of lifesavers, more flavors than you could ever imagine. "Children, I'd like you to close your eyes and taste these," announced the teacher. Without difficulty, they managed to identify the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher had them put honey flavored lifesavers in their mouths; every one of the children was stumped. "I'll give you a hint," said the teacher. "It's something your Daddy and Mommy probably call each other all the time." Instantly, one of the children spat the lifesaver out of his mouth and shouted, "Spit 'em out, you guys, they're assholes!"

“Warning Labels” Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and panties. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked. WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode.