Hunybear29's blog: "Frustration"

why is that people that don't even fucking know me feel the need to talk about me in a bad way or say that I am bad or the wrong type of person to hang out with, hummmm lets see the wrong type of person is that because I love life, laugh smile, help anyone out that needs it, willing to teach anyone that is willing to learn, why because I will not just sit and be quiet because I WILL NOT JUST SHUT UP AND COLOR well fuck them, who fucking needs them I am mad as hell right now and a bit hurt in the same instance..... all the people that need to have there asses on a plater don't and all those that are good people that love being a good person get shit on every fucking day of there lives.......by friends family, strangers, managers, supervisors you name it you get it from everyone, you know just because your not happy with your life don't go fucking downing mine, Just because your life does not fulfill you in the least don't go trying to trash on mine Like CCL he says I am happy I am in love with her well you know what if your with me fucker than your NOT so be honest not with me but with your fucking self...... yea yea whatever I hear your mouth running but its the truth fucker... and don't deny it....... so to all you people out there that like to hate on people because they intimidate you or make YOU feel less of a good person ...... fuck off and die everyone else not in this category have a great day mel

well lets see now that the higher ups have given me my friends back I can go out with my gang and shake my ass wha hoooo On the way out I call CCL and well test him I no I no I should not do this but sometimes a girl just needs to know what the willingness of someone is now don't she anyway on the way to the bar(s) i call him to say hi and (test) him, feeling a bit frisky from all the positive energy everyone is giving off I say ummmmmm baby TALK DIRTY TO ME ( seeing he is so far away and about to be further this is all I can get from him right) anyway NO ONE IS AROUND him except the guy cleaning the carpets and he say NO! ( i am to tired ) I don't want to, not right now !!!! well when then stupid ass so I proceed to tell him i finally figured out that I am not ugly and not unattractive i am NO BEAUTY QUEEN mind you but I am pretty and that out of everyone I choose to engage him and that says something..... what does he do yes yes HE BLOWS ME OFF HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH this is all I can do at this point so I hang up with him temper rising at this point ass hole fucked up my happy disposition anyway I was in the mood to sing my heart out last night (singing released alot of my feelings ) so we go to the bar to sing then all the drunkards (i am always the DD ) want to go over to teddys (the meat market bar ) to dance and drink ok ok why fight it just let them do as they will......two of our friends bail right away I don't really know what was up there asses but at this point WGAF right..... so off we go we get there and of course my nature being what it is I approach some random guy with a table by himself sit down and engage, so that is where we sit all night is with this guy I kinda feel bad cause we ran off all his potintal fuckes for the night LOL anyway my husband gets TRASHED ok totally and he tends to throw me around the dance floor when he is like this so I pushed him on everyone else that was drinking cause it doesn't hurt so much when your drinking...... anyway i got daring and went to the dance floor with him well needless to say i was PISSED when I got off the dance floor not 5 min later..... I don't like being mauled (even by my husband) on the dance floor nor do I like almost ending up in the floor on my back because he is so drunk trying to throw me around the floor as he does sober..... so I was pissed so i walked away to cool off I did then went over with my BFF to the POLE they have recently put in and seeing as she and I was once strippers that was right up our alleys, damn I miss doing that sometimes LOL anyway I am what one might call a pole climber I work the poles and I am damn good at it so up the pole I go when this guy that works there tells me to get the fuck down, rudely now mind you i am already pissed sooooooo i look at him and tell him he doesn't have to be so rude I am not drinking I AM THE DD and don't appreciate his tone he say you get away from here or I will throw your fucking ass out.......OH HELL NO YOU DIDN;T BITCH so off i go looking for the manager which he wasn't there so anyway we then all left cause as i was sober I was fucking done we all went to breakfast were my husband pucked in the parking lot and passed out in the care LOL but all us ladies had fun i took everyone home and got home around 3 this morning and passed the fuck out steve tried several times to wake me in many ways but I WAS OUT..... so that is what my night went like but all in all I plan on doing it all again next weekend LOL kisses all mel

DAMN DAMN DAMN i want to get orders out of here at this point with or without my husband....maybe apply for Korea just get the fuck out of here, but as always the power he holds on me will never let me go He has captured that part of me that no one can see me unwilling for that mind you but indeed he did as the time grows closer for CCL to leave my heart gets harder and harder, my mood gets worse and worse panic wells up in me like I want to do something to stop it but I know i can't ever do that So with everything in my life being as it may I am here no matter what, three kids make it hard to do anything but continue to smile........ I wish for that fairy tale love I suppose but it doesn't exist does it, so I will be content in the love that I am given by a good man and continue to make him as happy as I can I AM DEFEATED the wild mustang has been tamed the impossible made possible, like many the spirit has been dragged out of me, so now I sit and go threw my day with my mask in place...... I think I will check out the moon phases and perhaps cast a few spells..... Then get all dolled up and go sing and dance, maybe even have a few drinks LOL go have a good day all kisses mel

well I was completely honest with CCL and it did hurt very much,especially when no matter what I said or how much I cried, All he could say was he was sorry he didn't mean to lead me on.... well with that i don't know, He says he wants to continue to be friends and build on that, BUT what does that mean in the male language seriously! I told him I couldn't allow that! I can't go from being enemys to being friends to being lovers to being friends again, I just am not built that way... he says he will not ever give up on me, ummmmmm so what does that mean again in the male language? I wanted so much from this whole thing, only to have non of it fulfilled in the least..... To hear him say he is sorry makes things a little better but I am a so show me kinda girl...... words are just that words it takes actions to convince a lady that has been scorned, does it not! I am getting better though I didn't answer his call twice today but I did call him back once. but i did miss hearing his voice..... so hopefully it will get easier for me not to answer his calls or emails or anything.... IF he continues to call or pursue this "FRIENDSHIP" I am tired of being sad,of missing him, of missing his smile or his ever need to talk to me or see me I do I miss it.... But with all the hurt and sorrow associated with it all now I am very hesitant to allow anything at all between us except niceties that are required at certain times, so what to do what to do......... We are in business together so that part will continue however even with that I will try and use the people above him to get done what I need done.... I futaly hope though that somehow he can show me how he feels for me, IF at anytime he has felt for me, IF ever the time to show it it would defiantly be NOW before the door is completely closed forever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So here is the question I pose to all the men out there.. When a guy is all into you over the phone/internet and you know each other in person too then you have sex, and spend time together during this time the guy puts up all his shields and becomes an asshole all over again ,THEN its I want to be friends..... was it just lust that ruled his actions or could it be he was afraid of me?? I Just wish he would be brutally honest with me in everything....... even if it were to hurt, at least I would know his standings right

I like this song

Its country but its my wish for you

This one broke my heart and made me realize to always say how and what I feel because we are not promised tomorrow with the ones we love

This is me I think