By Anderson, D. Min. Matthew
What do soul mates have to do with weight loss? Quite a bit, actually. Love is the most powerful factor in weight loss. Lack of love is the most potent cause of weight gain. Being with the one who loves you dearly can help motivate you to greater depths of self-care and self-love and this usually equals better overall health. But weight loss or not, this is a fun topic and here are some rules to know:
Rule One: There is someone (a soul mate) for anyone who wants one. If you have been lonely for a long time or deeply hurt by failed love, you may have a difficult time believing this. However, after 30 years of counseling singles in search of love, I am convinced it is true. If you are searching for the right one, don't despair. Love is coming. If you follow the guidelines below, you can speed up that process.
Rule Two: Finding a soul mate is not like buying a car. Dating today has become an interpersonal shopping process. Men and women alike make a list of characteristics that they want in a mate and then advertise for some one who meets those requirements. The "applicant" must be thin (of course), a non-smoker, enjoy traveling, be wealthy, a good communicator, moral, love dogs, have a sense of humor, love children, have few or no neurotic tendencies, wear stylish clothing, play chess and tennis well, be sexually adept and be within a certain age range (usually younger than the "buyer").
When Mr. or Ms. Right doesn't appear, the buyer decides that love has left them out and God has forgotten about them. Few individuals realize that they have been caught up in an absurd fantasy exercise which has almost nothing to do with finding love or a soul mate. They have confused looking for love with visiting a car dealer and they are angry that the model that is perfect for them is nowhere to be found.
Rule Three: To find your soul mate, you must first find your soul. I am not telling you to join a religious organization here. I am saying that a soul mate is someone who relates and connects to you at the level of soul. If you have little or no idea of the needs and experiences of your own soul, how could you recognize its mate? That individual could be standing right beside you at this very moment. If you are not listening to your own soul, you will not hear its soulful "Yes."
Rule Four: Your soul resides in your own heart. Your head is not the place to go for soul-searching or soul mate discovery. Your head will tell you how to make your fantasy list of mate-requirements and help you locate the dating factories that populate the Internet. But it will be of little use in the search for love and soul.
If you want to know your own soul, you will have to sit quietly every day for a week or a month and ask your heart to talk to you. Ask it what it needs and wants and desires. And don't just ask about soul mates. Ask about your life purpose, spiritual needs, emotional needs, past pain and future dreams. Then, listen closely and do something about what your heart-soul tells you. Then you will be on the road to meeting your soul mate.
Rule Five: Find your soul path and you will find your soul mate. You thought this soul mate thing was going to be easy, right? Sorry, it's not. I said I knew how to help you find your soul mate -- I never promised a walk in the park. If you want to find the love of your life, the most intense and heart-filled experience of love you have ever had, you will need to do some inner work. But, my friend, it is surely worth it and you are worth it. You can count on that.
Rule Six: Stop looking and start opening. You don't need dating services or bars or ads in newspapers or on the internet. You could meet your soul mate in a grocery line if your heart is open and willing to receive love. Instead of composing those fantasy ads you have been focused on, spend some time opening your heart to love.
Allow love to reach you and touch you and heal you when it arrives, no matter what the source. Accept love from friends, family, co-workers and new acquaintances. Let it in and allow it to make a difference. Send the world a heart-message that says, "I am ready to be loved more than I have ever been loved before." Then, get ready because love will come.
Rule Seven: Trust the process. This process works. Give it a chance. Give it many chances. You only have your loneliness and your hopelessness and your empty heart to lose (and maybe some weight too).
Matthew Anderson, D. Min., is a counselor, organizational consultant and seminar leader.
