10 reasons why you should date me:
1. You’ll never have to worry about driving illegally in the carpool lane again
2. When you're around me I've got the sex drive of a 16 year old boy
3. You love my dorkiness
4. I won’t swear around your family
5. I’ll grant you three wishes
6. I've never been in one of Tommy Lee's movies
7. I like porn
8. I take a shower every day
9. I'll let you beat me at pool (LET you cause if I try, you're going down)
10. I've never cried over spilt milk
11. You’re safe with me
12. I'll lick the envelope for you
13. I'll carve your initials in a tree
14. I've never read Playboy for the articles
15. My heart will jump every time you walk through the door
17. I’m a good listener.
18. I seldom pick a fight with inanimate objects.
19. As of yet, I have never overlooked the importance of regular, continuous breathing.
20. I can have it my way at Burger King.
21. I will administer chocolate whenever you feel the need.
22. Halloween is the only time I take candy from strangers.
23. I’m nobody’s fool. If you would like me to be yours, just say so.
24. I have never resorted to cannabalism.
25. So far, I have managed to not decapitate myself.
26. I never run with scissors.
27. I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know
28. I can actually play my guitar.
29. I have a job.
30. I am not a douche bag.
31. I only tie women up and spank them when they ask me to.
32. I'll buy you tampons.
33. I'll never waste your love
34.Sex should never be a quickie.
35.I'll take care of you when you're sick.
36.I'll make you laugh.
37.I'm not short
38.I'm really good at opening jars.
39. I have never been a telemarketer.
40. I don’t use “pet names” for body parts.
41. I have never opened fire on a group of unarmed people.
42. I'll think you're just about the coolest person I know
39. Cats seem to like me.
40. I have very little trouble remembering where I live.
41.I have never resorted to cannabalism.
42. I'll answer all of your calls.
43. I’m cuddly.
44. I am usually able to find Waldo.
45. I don't care if you eat off my plate
46. I have never stabbed anyone in the eye
47.I'll let you push me on the swings
48.I've got a shiny new Blockbuster card waiting just for you
49.I’ll make you Mickey Mouse pancakes
51. You haven’t had a sufficient dose of strangeness in your life.
52. I believe the rabbit should be given some Trix.
53. I do my own laundry.
54. No tyrannical system of government is named after me.
55. I’m smarter than the average bear.
56. I have no plans to give the Pope a wedgie.
57. I practice random kindness.
58.I'll rub your shoulders.
59.I won't cheat on you.
60.I'll offer my Jacket when you're cold.
61. I'll take out your trash.
62. I'll protect you from spiders
63. I was never in a frat
64. I'm much funnier than your last boyfriend
65. I've never done crack
66. I'll let you draw on me
67. I won't wear your clothes
68. I have curly hair
69. I'm kind to animals
70. I always leave the seat down
71. I can find you that song you've been looking for
72. I'll hug you at random
73. I'm not racist
74. I'll ask you about your day
75. I appreciate what I have
76. I donate to breast cancer research
77. I don't endlessly quote movies
78. I have never broken into a bear’s home and eaten all his porridge.
79. I have never committed bestiality.
80. My family is just as fucked up as yours
81. I promise not to burn the house down while you’re gone
82. I do competative MMA
83. I can fix your computer
84. I mean what I say
85. I say what I mean
86. I probably won't turn gay
87. I'm Lebanese and aggressive; deal with it
88. I always resist the urge to poke sharp objects into my ear on the first date.
89. I have never locked myself in a car.
90. I have not been proven to cause holes in the ozone Layer.
91. I can leap tall housecats in a single bound.
