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What are you waiting for?
Guess I felt like writing, or venting, however you want to view it. It's been awhile since I "blogged", so I guess I'll start writing about what's been on my mind lately.
I'll be 35 this year, and in my 30-some odd years on this earth, I have experienced a lot. More than most have. And on a daily basis, I'm amazed on what I continue to learn about this world, even more about what I learn of myself. I've been to every state in the lower continental US, Canada, and Mexico. I've held about 20 jobs, and have quit 19 of em lol. I've met almost every type of culture, race, religious affiliation and creed, and still find more to learn.
I've always been a person who strives to know more, even though the more shit I learn, the more depressed I get about the world I live in lol. I feel that I do have a vast amount of insight and knowledge that helps me socialize with all types, but still find myself being a rather cynnical and sarcastic asshole. Most times, it's a reflex. I don't even notice how I act or respond to others until long afterwards. And as much as I find no problem admitting I'm wrong and owning up to it, I do find it rather difficult to apologize. Which has strained or ended a lot of relationships in my life.
As much as I love to "chat", and meet and continue to converse with many folks, I am horrible at "keeping in touch". It's not that I get bored, it's just that my brain moves at light speed at times, and I lose focus or attention of those who seem to "keep tabs" on me.
I'm a rather empathetic person. I do feel others pain and melancholy, and seem to relate to a lot when they're going through issues, especially women. I was raised by mostly women. Never met or have known my father, and I do seem to have a rather blahzay attitude towards the male gender. I relate to women better. Not even the sexuality or sensuality is a factor. I just socialize better with women. Hell, I might even be a great gay man, if I was actually attracted to men lol. But even though I relate to women better, most of my issues with socializing are with the fairer sex.
I'm handcuffed by rationality and common sense. However, when it comes to me, or how I think and act, I'm an extremely "abstract" soul. Lots of things just don't make sense to me, but if you give me time, I can see the reasoning behind it. Just seems that during that time, I'm being my "asshole" self, which starts a lot of drama and spats, which is par for the course, but I do admit, it is a major flaw of mine, which I need to work on.
And that's just it. I have a lot of shit to work on when it comes to myself, my character. Sad part of it, I don't notice it until it's "too late", which I guess I have to work on timing. I feel at times that I'm doomed to be a lone soul, even though no man is an island. But if I'm not an island, I'm an archipelago lol. And if many don't want to make that "journey" out to me, I understand. If the trip ain't worth making, don't take it. I wouldn't.
Again, I'm just rambling, thoughts that race through my mind as my fingers seem to meander across the keyboard tyring to put fragmented ideas together into a makeshift tapestry that probably doesn't make sense, but tells part of my story. I'll end it here for now...
