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In 2005, Australia had the best cricket team in the world. Arguably, the greatest of all time. England's sensational series victory had a largely disinterested nation suddenly gripped by Ashes fever. Kids who "hated" the sport were suddenly playing it in their back gardens. People who didn't care the first thing about it were wanting to talk to me about it all the time. I responded in the manner I know best.
It's true! England won The Ashes
There can be no Ifs or Buts
With cuts, and pulls, and brutal smashes
Our KP drove them nuts
The Aussies thought that they were ready
With a brash 5-0 forecast
They failed to take account of Freddie
Now their dominance has passed
For years our batsmen took great fright
In the face of Glenn McGrath
But this England know how to fight
And were the better team by far
Ol' Glenn is still a fearsome sight
And Warney, Brett Lee too
But none of them could change their plight
As we had something new
The king of swing (reverse, of course)
All hail Simon Jones
The Aus selectors had no recourse
Unlucky, Trevor Hohns
And of the men who made the calls
A new star has been born
He made the opposition look fools
Hats off to Michael Vaughan
But what of Ricky Ponting
Whose tactics crashed and burned?
His leadership found wanting
As England earned the urn.
CAST LIST: Australia - Ricky Ponting, captain. Glenn McGrath (pron. McGrar), star bowler, one of the best of all time. Shane Warne - world's greatest ever leg-spinner, cocky podgy beach-bum. Brett Lee - excellent fast bowler, dangerous & powerful late order batsman. Wonderful sportsman, the sort you want to be able to hate cos he plays for the opposition, but you just can't. Trevor Hohns - chairman of selectors. England - Michael Vaughan, captain. Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff, England's greatest all-rounder for 20 years and talismanic presence. KP (Kevin Pietersen), phenomenally talented batsman, horribly over-confident, tragically undisciplined. Simon Jones, marvellous Welsh reverse-swing bowler, typically (for a British sportsman) dogged by serious career-destroying injuries. KP Nuts - trade name of well known bar snacks!
