Ok... It's been way too long since I bitched in a blog so heres my latest whine.....
Doctors! They suck! I've been really sick with some mystery ailment for sometime. headaches massive fatigue dizzy ... bad enough that I missed 2 months of work and genrally feel like death on a stick so what do I do? Why, go to the doctor of course, because these highly trained medical professionals will surely know what the issue is and fix me right up, right?
WRONG!!!!!!!!
So I finally get a doc to see me, nice lady an all but then it all starts. She writes me a bunch of perscriptions and says " And I want you to take this stuff for your allergies"
Huh? I dont HAVE allergies! I tell her this and she says yes you do. Uh, no ...... I don't.
Last time I checked one with allergies either wheezes sneezes coughs and is usually generally misrable. Ok so I'm misrable without the other symptoms..... but ok I'll take the stupid allergy meds ( haven't done SHIT for me. Why? Because I don't bloody well HAVE allergies!!!!)
Fair enough, she ordered a bunch of tests for me. Also offhandly remarks. Hmmmmm..... maybe you have a brain tumor.......
BRAIN TUMOR!!!!! WTF???? Who the hell tells someone MAYBE you have a brain tumor before having a godamn MRI done? Lady, ya better now give me something for stress as ya sure as hell scared the crap outta me! On the bright side they sent my hubby home from deployment as well looking as I'm dying from a brain tumor IS a excellent excuse to come home after much arguing with the godamn navy. ( I may be sick but fuck if I can't still argue hehe)
Sooooooo after much freaking out I have MRI. No brain tumor.
Moving on......
Then she says. hmmmm Maybe its your heart. Here wear this heart monitor for a week.
My heart!!!! WTF is wrong with my heart?????? It's a fucking HEADACHE! ( inducing more panic thereby needing more meds to calm me down because she is scaring me) So I wear this fucking heart monitor for a week. is anything wrong with my heart? NOOOOOOOOO! Why? Because its my FUCKING head that hurts! Next up... She looks at my head. Yay! finally! In the right direction! Finds these funky bumps on my head and says hmmmmm maybe it's a brain tumor. No way lady..... we already did that route remember????? So she sends me to a dematologist to look at my head bumps. Makes sense. I'm happy with this plan as it causes no stress thereby negating my need for stress related meds.
Ok now here's where the conspiracy kicks in. ( not that I'm paranoid at this point)
So I see the dematologist. He pokes at my head bumps and says to me......... (wait for it)
head bumps...... hmmmmmmm Maybe its colon cancer.
WTF????????
colon cancer???? from bumps on my head???? WTF???? How the HELL do you look at my HEAD and decide something is wrong with the other end? WTF WTF WTF!!
He sends this to my doctor who of course then schedules me for a colonoscopy. Oh fun! I highly recommend it for everyone its good times!
( and more meds for my stress now that they say I may have a type of colon cancer that would kill me in like 6 months) So...... I go get the damn colonoscopy after spending a day drinking like 3 gallons of water and this nasty stuff that purges your entire system. ( yes I learned soft toliet paper and a good book is your friend because guess where YOU are spending your night!)
So I go and see the ass masters ( they give really good drugs thats the consolation prize)
And I get back their results.
No colon cancer. Why? BECAUSE I HAVE A FUCKING HEADACHE IS WHY! Not a ass ache!
Well to make a long story short ( and yes this is the short version) I've so far had.....
MRI
MRI with dye
Cysts removed from my head
Colonoscopy
blood work
ear nose an throat specialist poke at me
inner ear tests
eye specialist look at me
eye tests out the wazoo
and this week I'm lined up for another fun visit with my regular doc and a sleep study test.
Where does this all leave me? What is the out come? What exactly is wrong with me?
THEY DUNNO!
These highly trained professionals haven't a damn clue. They have however sent me plenty of bills so I can PAY for them not having a clue.
And I still feel like shit. Now I'm just broke and feel like shit.
Screw this, I'm gonna go see a witch doctor.
I'd write more and bitch but it's time to take my meds that don't work. Fucking Doctors.
