Well here it is Christmas Day and I thought I was gonna handle everything pretty well. The first part of the day went pretty well, then everything emotionally went down hill. I have been crying like a fool all day because I miss my kids so bad. You know you say to yourself you can handle the seperation because its only temperally gonna be a short time. But then it comes around and you fall to pieces. I don't know if anyone really understands how hard this is on me. All I ever had in my life to be happy about were my kids. They were always there no matter what. And not having them always there is killing me. I am though grateful that me and Adam have had this time alone time to really truelly bond with one another. But I still miss my kids and doing the holidays without them has been very hard.And I know that every other holiday they won't be here they will be with their dad and maybe not having them this year will help me in the future, but damn this still hurts so bad. It all just hit me at one time I realized that here it was Christmas and my kids weren't here with me. To share in this hoilday with my kids is a specail time for me. I never had much money and I would do my best with what little I had to give them a good Christmas. To watch the sparkle in their eye when they opened that one gift they really wanted and see that they got it to feel the happiness and joy I have been able to give them is what I love about Christmas and not having that this year is killing me. I know that it wont be much longer and they will be here with me and Yes I will have a small but good and yes delayed Christmas and I look forward to that with everyday that brings them closer to me.
