Chapter 11 Kermy Snorkle
Walmart carts are sooo absurd. Almost big enough to wheel a small Cambodian family around. And they look particularly preposterous with 6 small items in the top child carrying basket, but all of the hand carriers were taken except one that had what looked like cherry yogurt smeared on the bottom. After picking up everything else on the list they slowly wind their way towards what MUST be the summer fun section based on the fact that there are colored inner tubes and plastic mini boats hanging from the ceiling.
"OH LOOK...masks and snorkels...DIBS ON THE KERMY FROG ONE!"
"Of course you want the Kermy one psycho"
"We can play Jacques Cousteau tonight after the Hatfields pass out!!!!!"
"Did you bring a suit?....I didn't"
"Noooooooooo...They MUST have suits here right?"
They find the swimsuit section after asking a sweet elderly woman wearing a blue vest where to find it. As they roll down the aisle away from her Nate whispers
"Was she an employee???"
"Why the fuck else would an old lady be wearing a vest???"
They go their separate ways to the gender specific sides of the swim suit department and start rifling through various sizes and colors. Nate holds up two choices from the male side and yells...
"SPEEDO OR HAWAIIAN SHORTS?"
"DUH!... SPEEDO! Do they have yellow so I can see through to your balls properly?"
"SSSHHUUT uuup.....jeez Pats"
"Slutty bikini or Mormon one piece?"
"SLUTTY BIKINI...DUH! Do they have White so I can see through to your nipples properly?"
"TOUCHE'!....noooo but they do have yellow...will have to do I suppose"
"No yellow over here but they do have prison Orange..."
"It will clash with you PLAIN blue mask but oh well.......do they have white???"
"Well looky here....blue and white stripe!"
"PERFECT!!!" They yell in unison
So they giggle their way towards the very sullen and overweight cashier. It was hard to tell if it was a man or a woman until it spoke....it was a man.....probably.
Chapter 12 Keno Girl
Patsy isn't ready to go back to Deliverance Holler yet so they decide to go to Caesar's Palace to kill some time and say hello to all of the Greco-Roman Statues sprinkled throughout the Casino. They start to take the obligatory "humiliating the statue" photos...fingers in their noses, asses and any other concave bodily space that they can cram their fingers into. Nate's fave so far today is the one where Patsy is standing behind a particularly graceful female statue....writes POOT! on her hand with her infamous Sharpie and hides behind just sticking her hand out from the statues ass.
Neither ever gamble. They just like the bizarre energy in Vegas....the spectacle. The flashing lights, constant bells, coins clanking....the Retirees mechanically, dispassionately sliding one coin after another into the never ending maze of slot machines. The psychedelic carpeting that you can ONLY find in Vegas....the pumped in oxygen that makes those colors even brighter. The android-like banality of the people compared to the rampant over kill of stimulation makes it difficult to decide whether you are depressed by it or utterly enthralled. It's the kind of place you either love or hate, or both....few ever emerge ambivalent.
They grab some overstuffed hot dogs at a random circus themed kiosk and try to remember how to get back to the parking structure. They are idiots and forgot to use Theseus' string to escape the Minotaur's Labyrinth that IS a Vegas Casino....they need to keep you lost and distracted so that taking your money doesn't seem so nefarious. Wandering around in this menagerie of sensory over load is lovely until it hits that certain point....an indescribable moment, but you know when you have finally come to it. It's like that thing that happens towards the end of a kids Birthday Party when everyone is tired but doesn't quite know it yet...then all of a sudden EVERYONE knows it's time to go home before someone gets hurt. It's JUST like that and it hit Patsy before it hit Nate. She asks the nearest Keno Girl where the fucking parking structure is...
"Well if the elevator was any closer it would bite you Honey!"
And there it was...20 feet away. No sign saying TO PARKING >............DING!....press P2 and get the hell out of here.
Chapter 13 Mr. Bubble
REKT ME PLZ Luna...