Tannim's blog: "Harry Potter and the Mental War"

Harry and Fawkes apparated into an unused second-floor classroom.  Sitting there, as it had in his first year, was the Mirror of Erised.

No Sorcerer's Stone, no Quirrell, and no Voldemort this time, he thought.  But I have to know for sure.  What will I see this time?

He approached the mirror.  Fawkes landed on the floor behind him and opened a magical link.  Harry, absorbed in the mirror, didn't notice.

At age eleven he saw his parents in the mirror, but when he showed the mirror to Ron, Ron saw himself winning the Quidditch Cup and as Head Boy.  Ron did the former last year while Harry was under his "lifetime" ban from the sport by Umbridge, but the latter appeared to be out of reach now with the school closed.

I probably will have that lifetime ban lifted this year, since that bitch isn't here anymore.  Besides, she never specified what lifetime the ban was for-mine, or hers when she actually gets one!  Harry smirked.  He looked in the mirror, Dumbledore's words from minutes before fresh on his mind.

He saw his parents again, as he had before, smiling at him.  He also saw his own reflection there between them, and now, just a week away from his seventeenth birthday, he really noticed how much he looked like his father.  Not quite how Fred and George were to each other, but close enough to being twins that he understood why Sirius had mistakenly called him James during that battle in the Ministry, just before...Harry felt tears in his eyes at the memory, and the image in front of him changed to a smiling Sirius.  Harry's heart welled up at the sight, and more memories came unbidden to him from later in that night, when Voldemort tried to possess him, and it was the sight of Ron and Hermione that had saved him.  Their images appeared with Sirius in the mirror.  Fawkes let out a soft note behind him and then began a soft song.  He looked at them, and another memory came to him.

"You realize that you became a pseudo-Weasley on this very spot at the beginning of first year, and Hermione did too after that troll.  You push away those that love you now, and everybody loses."  Ron had said at King's Cross.

The reality of those words hit home again, and the image changed again, this time more figures appeared in the mirror with Ron and Hermione: Molly, Arthur, Fred, George, Moony, Tonks, Bill, Fleur, Charlie, and even Percy.

Mum and Dad were my family, and I lost them without really knowing them, so it's natural I would want that past.  Ditto Sirius, even though I had some time with him, it wasn't enough.  The tears were flowing openly now, and Fawkes just stood there, watching and still singing his baleful tone.  But Ron's right.  I am a Weasley, same as Hermione, and Fleur, and even Percy, even if he is a prat.  Moony and Tonks are part of my family also.  This is my family now.  But where's Ginny?

Fawkes changed his song, making it louder and different, more brighter. Suddenly the image shifted again, and there was only one person in the mirror looking back at him.  He got lost in the chocolate eyes and billowing red hair and beautiful smile of Ginny Weasley, so much that he didn't notice at first two small children that had joined her: a boy with messy black hair and chocolate eyes, and a girl with flaming red hair and bright green eyes.  When Harry finally saw them, understanding hit him like a thunderbolt, and he broke down completely, sinking to the floor, head on his knees, sobbing out his grief for the past and hope for the future.

This is my future family!  He thought through the sobs.  This is what I want!  This is what I need!  Finally he understood what had puzzled him for all his life.  He saw his past, his present, and future all laid out before him, with endless possibilities, endless outcomes, and they all came back to one thing:

"Defeat Voldemort."

He had known why.  He now knew how.  He knew it was now only a matter of time and preparation.  He had his goal, and he knew the path to that goal, and once it was reached, those endless possibilities were there for him.

The Boy Who Lived now had a reason to live.

* * *

Ginny woke up from her nap at the Burrow with a start.  Fawkes was singing again in my dreams! But then she realized that she was wide awake and she could still hear him.  She glanced around the room and saw her mirror softly glowing.  She saw Harry, his back to her, looking at a large mirror, but then what she saw in that mirror was shocking.  First she saw Harry's parents, and realized she couldn't tell which of the black-haired males was Harry and which was his father, until she noticed the green eyes.  Then it changed to Sirius, then to Ron and Hermione, then the rest of the Weasleys joined them, Tonks and Moony as well, even that git of a brother Percy.  But where was she?  She started to get angry at that, but then her anger evaporated as quick as it came, replaced by shock and anguish.

Is this the people he lost?  Does this mean the rest of my family dies, but I live?  Tears welled up in her as the thought came crashing down on her.  I don't want to lose them!  she wailed internally.  Suddenly the song changed, from one of despair to one of hope.  The mirror changed and she saw herself, then she was joined by two children.  Her heart leapt.  Are those...children?  OUR children?  But she saw Harry sink to the floor, sobbing, but after a while he stopped, looked up, and said two words.  Only two words, but said with such conviction and determination and steel that she knew it would happen.

"Defeat Voldemort."

Now it was her turn to cry.  She needed him, and he needed her.  She was right about the prophecy.  Neither could live while the other survived.

* * *

Harry and Fawkes returned to Privet Drive.  Harry sat down at the desk in his room, pulled out a parchment and a quill, and began to write what would become, to this point, the most difficult letter of his life.

July 23

Dear Ginny,

I know I haven't written lately but I've been very busy.  Per Dumbledore's wishes, I have been receiving one-on-one training with Professors and Order members in various areas, all in the hopes of preparing me to defeat Voldemort.  I think I've made good progress, and I am developing a plan to beat him, but I'm not ready yet.

It's been difficult for me.  I know that you've always been there for me, as well as Ron and Hermione.  The last few days, after some sound advice from both Tonks and Dumbledore's portrait, I have been thinking long and hard about a lot of things.

I thought that I could protect you all by closing you out, by separating myself from you all.

I was an utter fool to think that.  I was a thick-headed, stubborn idiot!

In my first year I saw a mirror at Hogwarts, the Mirror of Erised.  It shows you not what you see, but what you desire.  That day I saw my parents in it, and after Dumbledore explained it to me, I understood that I desired my family.

Today, I saw the mirror again.  Again, I saw my parents, but then I saw Sirius, then Ron and Hermione, and then the rest of your family, as well as Tonks and Moony.  What I didn't see was you.  I saw all those I consider family, but I didn't see you.  It broke my heart.  Then you were there, only you, and our children.  I finally understood what it meant.  I need to tell you this, because you need to understand it too.

When I saw my parents, I saw my family of the past.  The family I never knew, even though they loved me more than life itself.  In them I saw the unconditional love of parents.

When I saw Sirius, I saw that again, but I also saw the love of friends, and of the more recent past.

When I saw Ron and Hermione, and then the rest of your-MY-family, I saw the love of my family now, the love of friendship.

I didn't understand why I didn't see you there.

Then I saw you alone and with children.  Our children.  There I saw the love of a mate, of my family of the future, the love of you and what we can be together.  I want that more than anything in the world, Wizard or Muggle.

I said before I was an utter fool.  I was right.  I was an utter fool, to break up with you, to push you away, when I should have been pulling you in closer and closer.  I realize that now, and I have never been more sorry for anything in my life.  Please forgive me.

I understand now.  I know this: I WILL DEFEAT VOLDEMORT. I now know how to do it. And here's why I will do it:  not for the Wizarding World, not to avenge my parents or Sirius, not for anyone else.

I'll do it for you.  For us.  For our future.

I now know I can't do it alone.  I now know I don't have to be alone and I will not be alone to do it.  I will need Ron and Hermione and the rest of my family there backing me up.

I need you there with me, too, at my side.  You're the part I've been missing, the part I didn't understand, until now.

I want you, Ginny Weasley.

I need you, Ginny Weasley.

I love you, Ginny Weasley.

My heart and soul are yours, always!

I'll see you July 31.

Harry

Harry looked back at the letter he had just poured out his heart and a lot of tears on.  He knew it was the right answer.  He sealed it with some wax and the Potter crest he had found in his vault, and then enchanted the note so that only Ginny could open it.  Fawkes, watching and waiting, swooped over, took the letter, and disapparated with a flaming crack.  He reappeared a few minutes later to find Harry digging through his trunk, until he pulled out his Potions book.  He sat down and began to pore through it, looking for a specific one.  He made notes of ingredients and supplies he needed.

If trouble is brewing in the wizarding world, then I need to get brewing myself.  On the other hand, some help would be useful.

Gathering up his list and Potions book, he shrunk the book and slipped it into his waist bag, put his list in his pocket, and called over Fawkes.

First, back to Hogwarts, then to Diagon Alley, then to Snape Manor.  Slughorn may not be happy to see me, and I know Snape won't, but this has to be done.

They disapparated in a flaming crack.