She ignored the pain , running into the bathroom, and quickly getting ready, she dabbed on some make-up, she had to mask herself, so what she was feeling inside didn't show on the outside. She got dressed quickly, she needed to stop at the local bar and grab a pint of vodka, she knew she needed to loosen up before she met Bob, she had to kill the numbness, and she had no other way of doing it, except to drown it out. It was hard for her to live her life, without the crutch of alcohol. It didn't get rid of the pain, just numbed it so she could keep moving .Without it, Jesse found herself not wanting to get out of bed, no motivation to live, just drop dead, she felt helpless, and the voices in her head was always screaming at her. She looked in her mother's cupboard and found some outdated tequila, she took a swig feeling the burning liquid reach her blood , she felt a little calmer, she took one last look at her babies and headed out the door. She knew that she needed to get a into her ,before Bob picked her up, she could never let him know who she really was. She never wanted him to know that she was a worthless looser who spent most of her time crying herself to sleep, or feeling depressed enough to not want to live. Nobody would ever know who she was on the inside, so she would change herself into a woman who was happy and full of life, she would put on a performance, that even she would belief, burying the insecurities deep down so she could cope.
She returned to her apartment, 745 good she had time to make herself a few cocktails before he got there. She took the cranberry juice and mixed it with the vodka, slammed 2 and was on her third, when she saw the headlights pull up. She slammed down the third before she ran to the door.
