My mind is turned inside out. Can't form a coherent thought. These pains in my chest. My breath I can't seem to catch. This vice around my heart. Emotions trapped inside a cage made of ice.
I am lost inside myself. Hiding from what I can't escape.Stumbling around in this drug induced daze. All the time wondering. Can I pick up the broken pieces of my life? To make it right? Yet uncertainty's and insecurity's. Make me doubt if I can ever make it good again.
A path paved in shattered dreams. Lined with crystallized teardrops. Traveled by only me. Am I strong enough to let someone walk beside me? Or will I continue to walk alone.
Questions swirling around all the time. Enveloping my mind. Desperately trying to clasp the answers. Fluttering just beyond my grasp. Where do I belong? Is there a place, that I can call home? Or am I forever destined to roam?
Because this fear of having my heart laid bare. From the anguish of unkept promises. The sins committed by lover's past. Have scarred my soul. The marks ingrained so deep. They never seem to give me peace.
As all new contestants pay the price. Fighting to get past arms length restraint. I know they want me to let them in. Yet here I remain behind my self arrected walls. Closed off, never trusting, and always keeping people at bay.
While I keep myself locked up and boxed in. Only allowing people to see glimmering flashes of the real me. Pondering the intricacies of trust. Forever doubting that I am fully capable of trusting someone else. I sit back and bide my time. Patiently waiting for the other shoe to drop. Expecting everything to go wrong, and end in pain and strife.
Constantly wondering if my low expectations. Then turn into manifestations. Do I doom every relationship before it starts? Am I that devil staring out at me. From the looking glass. Can I be my own worst enemy? Or is it possible to brush aside the ashes, and find beneath the rubble.
That once in a lifetime, sweep you off your feet. Forever kind of love. Yearning for that unconditional love that never fades away. Steadily standing against that unrelenting test of time.
