in honest truth, only 3 people i know of, find me attractive physically (and i beleive them). one is my lifemate, who i have been with for 7 years, and our relationship built from 'young teen friends' to adults ready to start a family..
the next, is
tigerlily who i have known for some where around 5 or 6 years.. though only recently started a real relationship with..
the third is one of my slaves.
now, obviously from the way I'm speaking, i dont find myself attractive, and everyone always assumes this equates to no self esteem. but anyone who actually knows me, knows i have a fairly strong sense of self esteem.. prolly a bit too much eh? ^.~ anyhow..
This goes back to when i was younger.. there was a time when i had NO self esteam.. in school, i was the fatass, fatso, uglyfuck, shitface, whatever.. kids are cruel, eh? but... at the same time, in annother world away from school.. simply minutes in the day appart, I was wanted, I was the hot item, I could please pleasure love and serve better than most full grown slaves.
now this may cause some people's minds to come to a crashing halt.. school kid a slave? woah, that shouldnt be right!.. but it was, i dont regret my history, but i can never forget it, and never would want to.
but back to the history.. I was what everyone in my 'circle' (As horrible and twisted as that might be -grins-) Those people, and any new person, wanted me.. i may not have been beautiful, but i learned, i trained, did very well.. and then when i grew up.. those skills, stayed the same..
so one day, i looked back, and realized that those popular, beautiful, self confident people.. would fade, one day they would no longer be beautiful, one day they would piss off the wrong person and no longer be popular.. they would get dead end jobs.. or a few would move on to college and even less would move on to some great job.. and maybe turn out to be great people....
but me? i was already good, i was already providing something that others wanted.. and through that, i got what i needed, the love, the affection, the care.. and in getting so much, i learned how to give too.. i learned how to take care of some one..
and here i sit, self confident, but ugly, happy, but not one of the beautiful people.. beautiful inside.. twisted cruel and demonic outside... wth a cute atitude.
