Alot of people wish to belong.. I'm not much different.
I want to feel part of the clique, one with the crowd.. but I cant, I grew up as an outsider. Lived on a farm away from everyone.. then when i got to school, i didnt really care for the other kids much. Then when family broke up, moved ot the city and became a true outsider, a lone wolf in the extreme.
I got in to fights every day cause i was in some one elses territory, and I didn't 'belong' there. then I was introduced to BDSM quite abruptly and not entirely by choice.. and became a slave for the next 10 years, off and on through different owners.
Well that didn't help with the clique thing either.. when in the locker room, people bragging about losing their virginity when you know they are all lying.. and you could explain in explicit detail to each one, how much of a superficial moron they were.. -chuckles-
the same thing echoed all through my life.. I'm a lone wolf.. even when i belonged to some one else.. it either ended with them getting bored with my submission and throwing me away, or me turning on them and dominating them cause they were fucking morons.. (ahhh switch tendencies!)
well then couple years back, i turned Dom full time, and never really looked back.. I may not belong in a group, or to anyone.. though i am head of household for my rather large family.. some people belong to me.. can belong to me.. my territory.. property.. mate.. what have you.. (already got this wolf trend going eh? why change it!)
but in society, i still don't belong.. I feel like im surrounded by people with superficial lives, though i know, only a few years back i had similar interests.. but i 'out grew' (got bored with?) those interests.. so I really cant relate anymore.
I know what I want, as of the other day.. (though i had a general idea before hand) that sets me apart even further, most people i know don't even have a partial clue what the fuck they want at any age.
as my 'job' (completely unpayed) I'm a teacher, whatever some one needs to learn, I teach.. I'm pretty good with it too.. opening peoples hearts and minds, giving them a fresh breath of air... though of course it only works if they come to me.. prolly cause i have no real interest in trying to teach a stranger. though i do randomly spout bits of this or that.. some times wisdom, some times opinion, often times fact and drivel.
as my play.. I like something stimulating and cerebral.. the pleasures of the flesh bore me to tears.. I got sick of sex before I was 18.. and the only times these days that i enjoy physical pleasure, is when it stimulates responses.. or to use it as a key to another door, emotional or mental. I have deft skill with it...
but this too sets me apart, look at our community here, so many people with so many interests.. a great place.. but much of it, is still, just about finding a mate.. the primal urge to reproduce... and I'm not saying I've surpassed that.. hardly, i still once in a while feel it.. but its pretty quiet these days.. I'd probably do best with an asexual girl who isn't opposed or afraid of sex.. just un-interested in it for its sake... but then again, it wouldn't be as useful of a tool if it didn't do much for her..
there is no way i could fulfill a girls sexual desires constantly and still keep a Dominant stance.. its not that i would submit.. but the attitude would be bout me pleasing her.. which is a good thing of course.. but that attitude gets away from the Dominant perspective i have.. pleasuring her is part of it.. but not the goal..its just a necessary ingredient.. when it becomes the focus of the relationship the dynamics change completely.
boy do I ramble some times -chuckles-
back to the topic i had started with...i cant relate to anyone on here usually unless its a submissive i have interest in.. or a friend who sortof understands where i am coming from. I don't get in to the fun and games they have usually, they just don't interest me, so I don't garner the friendship like others.. Some think I'm strange.. my bubbly attitude on top of a genderfucked body doesn't usually equal Dominant in their eyes.. I could change my personality, but that would just be roleplaying to fit in, I had enough of that in school and it would be a lie..
So I guess in the end, I'll sit on the sidelines and try to spot an interest, and hope they look twice unlike most people do... I am so not a conventional Master.. but then again, I'm not looking for a conventional Slave.. hell, Id probably do better looking for a Gorean slave and pulling them out of Gor. Might take a bit of time and effort to heal them of whatever problems they developed as a gorean slave, but the kind of girls who are drawn to Gor.. in another light would be the kind I am looking for... before some idiot gets ahold of them.
