Icarus's blog: "Hope- by any other name."

I looked up fullfilment today

I dunno why, some kinda existential self actualizing exercise I guess.

It didn't really lead to anything. I'm still just as bored, just as directionless. I wish I could say something ending in "and I could reflect on this for the rest of the week" but I can't. My ideas are goin nowhere fast right now, my projects are spinning wheels. I just wanna cook. I wanna cook amazing delicious dishes.

Then I want to wave a magic wand and have my comic done, and have enough money for my video game. I dunno what I want anymore, I'm not sure if I ever did, people said I was trying to think too far- but how can I justify the work without a prize in sight?

Where's the carrot at the end of the stick?
What do I need to trick myself into needing?

I'm just not material enough to work very hard at something predictabley money-making.

I don't want acknowledgement for my cooking, I want it for my stories. I think I learned to cook... to eat >> weird huh? I told stories because I was bored, I cooked for the same reason... it got better and better.

Hmmm... maybe that's the exact breakthrough I was looking for.