A Wal-Mart memo
Subject: Special high intensity training
Memo to All Wal-Mart Employees:
In order to ensure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T).
We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T on the course, please see your supervisor. You will be immediately placed at the top ofthe S.H.I.T list and our supervisors are especially skilled at seeing you get all the S.H.I.T you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T).
Those who fail to take D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T seriously will have to go to
EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T ).
Since our supervisors took S.H.I.T before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T, you may be interested in a job teaching
others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LIST of LEADERS
(B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T).
For employees who are intending to pursue a career in management and consulting, we will refer you to the department of MANAGERIAL OPERATIONAL RESEARCH EDUCATION (M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T). This course emphasizes
how to manage M.O.R.E.S.H.I.T.
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF
TEACHING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T).
Thank you.
The Director Under the Main Bureau of Super High Intensity Training.
(The D.U.M.B.S.H.I.T)
