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I got home from school with this killer migraine, dad wanted to shoot some pool and we were going to watch the movie , Vulgar (crazy film produced by Kevin Smith). I get a call from my grand mom that we're going to Shady Maple ( A Smorgasbord, all you can eat buffet restaurant kinda thing in Amish country in PA.) Amish people, most of them anyway, do not believe in electricity or technology, they live in seclusion, and make handmade crafts and sell them, have huge beards (mostly the men) and wear very moderate clothing, and wake up early to work all day and worship. That's them in a nutshell. If that didn't help then go rent the movie, Witness with Harrison Ford! :D So I obliged her because I do want to spend time with them (apart from them ninja attacking every sunday) and they like taking me and Kate there. Kate had school and I was off that day. I did want to just stay home and relax. I had a busy week and I wanted to sleep a bit late but it would've been mean if I had said no. So they get here around 12:38 she apologized because she was running late. She was supposed to be here at 12 but ( GROSS WARNING) she had a hard time with her bowels this morning. Right.. I'll take her word for it. It's a long car ride and talking about how Hilary Clinton is an evil evil woman and deep in her heart she will be terrified if Hilary or Obama get elected and she doesn't like Giuliani either because he supports abortion and is for gun control (catches breath) is enough to put my nerves through electro shock therapy. We get there, I help my grandpop out of the car and my grandmom goes off to park. While I'm waiting I grab a quick smoke. There's a ton of hay and pumpkins out front so it's quite understandable for a no smoking sign to be there. I do get tempted to smoke near them wondering what would happen. Would the Hay catch on fire and would the elderly and the Amish moan and wave their hands in fear like Boris Karloff did in the mummy films? Who knows. A bus comes out and these elderly men and women who are immobile are all helped on to the bus. It's sad. They're absolutely miserable. They're arguing with the person helping them and each other. I finish my cig and sit next to my grandpop and whisper in his ear, " If I have to get on a bus like that, I want my wife to smother me with a pillow." I don't think I've heard my grand pop laugh that hard in a long time. He told my grandmom what I said and she said, " It comes around faster than you think!" " Yep" I replied, " That's why I smoke!" " Don't say that!" We get inside and I do what I usually do, I people watch. This was the Grim Reaper's waiting room. The young people who were there or mostly worked there were probably lobotomized. They had the personality of a young man in a 50's sitcom. ' Gee did you watch that ball game last night?" " Oh my goodness! They were awful!" BARFFFFF My selection of food was what was available and wasn't dried up or chewed by ans spit back into a heating tray by a previous patron. Pulled pork, broccoli, and buttered noodles it was! I will say the white chocolate raspberry cheesecake was quite awesome. Sitting back at the table my grand mom turned the conversation to politics again and gay marriage was brought up. She was opposed to it. Me: I don't have a problem with it. I really don't see what the big deal is. Grand Mom: You will some day. And It's against God's law! (That's the part where I wanted to stand up on the table and tell her I don't believe in God or any organized religion. But that's a car ride home that I do NOT want to endure unless I have a bottle of tequila and a hand gun with me. ) Grand Mom: It's unfair to the children. No child could grow up normal with two moms or two dads. I was about to argue back but I got cut off and she took the bible route. When the bible route is taken, there is nothing you can say to make the person change their mind. Not that I had a bad time with my grandparents today, but I would have had a better one if the conservative god fearing curtain didn't drop down every time we engaged in a friendly non political non religious conversation. We go down to the gift shop. It's full of... painted collectible cow statues, angels with huge creepy eyes, and various other weird...shit. The thing that did stop me in my tracks was a large display case of Christian t shirts: After that I had to get the fuck out of there. Especially after the Moutain Dew mock logo that said " Meant To Die for our sins!" *chills* So that was my day folks! Truly a smorgasbord of a blog if I do say so myself.

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