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Dazed's blog: "a letter"

created on 05/29/2007  |  http://fubar.com/a-letter/b87000

Male brain....

so a male brain is needed to decipher this e-mail can someone help? well... I don't know where so came from but this is the first 5 minutes I've had to do anything since may 25th and as soon as I log off I'm back to the same old worky shit til the end of october. I flat ran outta time and that sounded like the easiest way to handle my shit before I was going to really drop off the face of the earth. sorry I'm a coward. not going to ask you for anything because it would be flat wrong at this point and I've caused enough trouble for one lifetime, and no I'm not on drugs unless my job is now considered one. Sorry I flat fucked up and I guess I can't take it when someone cares.

Dear Don

I temporally lost my mind. For this I am sorry, but don't we all at some point in time? I think this is a major downfall in being female for me. Had I been a guy I wouldn't have cared. Would have just said oh well I'll hear back at some point. Eventually, to use one of your words. I hate that word, along with maybe and we'll see. They all take my control away. I miss understood you when you said you were going out. Thought you meant for the night not the weekend and when I hadn't heard anything from you I began to worry. Again it is a female thing, or rather as I like to think of it an Ashley thing. When I care for or about someone I worry about them whether warranted or not. I sat there saying "Why the hell am I texting again? He probably left for the weekend that's why you haven't heard anything." But then the other part of my head would kick in and say "but something could have happened. He wouldn't go out of town without his phone would he? He didn't say he was going out for the weekend just said out! What if something really bad happened?" You know it WAS a holiday weekend. People do drink and drive even if you don't. Accidents are common on this particular weekend. Sorry I cared. While I didn't and don't love you. I could have easily see my self falling in love with you. But I did, do, and aways will care and wish the best for you. I never demanded anything of you. Just asked for little of your time, a good laugh, and a hug. I never complained about your long, late hours or not being able to see you, even though I did wish I could see you more often then I said. I know you like what you do. I write this feeling as though I've lost a friend, probably have by the text you left, but I'm so confused at the moment. Scared to ask. Just want a hug and to have someone kick me really hard so that I feel I have a reason to cry rather than just feeling lost and alone. Not that you'll read this or anything thing but good luck. To quote Toy Story "You've always got a friend in me"
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